"...I try and try
To read your mind
‘Cause I forget that patience is a virtue
You’re teaching me to hold on tight
(Chorus)
‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright ‘cause You wrote it
I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doing just fine
‘Cause You’re in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing
So slow me down
Show me around
I want to see the world
That I’ve been without
I am here and now
The future is out of my hands..." -Keeping Me Guessing By Francesca Battistelli
Today is a slightly grumpy and tired day, but you probably can't read it on my front door. Was up late with a friend having a great time of laughter and inside jokes then up even later watching Fireproof again. I was reminded and encouraged when the dad in the movie says in the Love Dare book that "Love in it's truest sense is not based on feelings." Oh how often I've thought lately... what if Jesus' love for us was based on things we did or how He felt at the time. I'm so thankful Christ gives us a picture of biblical love and so glad at how His example has penetrated and dominated my thinking on the subject.
As to "love," I find myself having entered the world of online Christian dating. Had a few interesting experiences... one of them taught me a lot about how shallow I can be, but beyond that it helped to humble me, which I always need. It seems God knew what He was doing in that situation... doesn't He always? Other than that, I find it's an interesting world... the people on the site don't play games at all. They're either going to get to know ya on purpose for the possibility of a relationship or they don't want to waste time. The ones nearer my age are looking toward marriage. That's what I like so much about all this... both people know why they're on the site and are unashamed of that. It's refreshing really. We'll see what God does. I've learned so much about contentment in this area. In some sense my head is still left spinning at what looks like my inability to see what God is or isn't doing. I feel a lot like Miss Battistelli in the lyrics above... God is "keeping me guessing." What I'm beginning to learn though is that it doesn't help much to wear yourself out continuing the guessing. Jeremy Camp sings a song called "one Day at a Time" that ends this way...
"One day at a time I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through
All I know is that I see how much my heart
Is longing to be cradled by your side
And i'll give all i can to one day soon
Be held by your hand, by your hand
In all these things i will press on
I'll be with you i know it wont be long"
Amen to that. Ya know... I'm done trying to figure God out. I'm done thinking I know what He's doing. I'm ready to just let God be God and rest knowing that if I throw my hands up in confusion... that the confusion must come from me or another human being because God is not the author of confusion. He's got this. Thank you Lord... for being You.
In the spirit of taking it a day at a time, I've been leading music, choosing songs, and practicing with the worship team at church. It's a whole new world, but I'm enjoying being involved... taking responsibility. The only frustrating part is that I don't like looking at the congregation during the service. I look down or up. I don't want their eyes on me or to know their eyes are on me. It's not about me and I don't even want a hint of it feeling that way. Musical worship should be such that it's as if no one else is in the room. Mmmm, one day we'll be with Him as Jeremy Camp said and I can't wait for that day. I've also had the privilege of making the announcement powerpoints for before service. I like doing the little behind the scenes monotonous stuff! The pastor and I are also rotating through teaching Hebrews Sunday nights. I've enjoyed it so far. I SO thank God for the opportunities to serve Him and gain experience here at my church! Looks like I'll be here doing it for awhile longer too...
Doors have opened to learn a couple new trades... I'll be learning to service swimming pools and to do interior work on cars. There is some risk involved, but honestly... I'm at the point in my life where I need the risk. It'll be good to get out of the grocery business for at least a couple years. Hopefully, but not expectantly the Lord will provide the next steps in life in this season here in Texas. But right now... I have today and today doesn't worry about tomorrow, it's faithful with what it's given. I've been given a wonderful church with people and leaders that trust me and encourage my involvement! I'm being given jobs that will grant the freedom I've wanted for so long now AND let me learn something new! I've been given people and friends to whom I can minister and who can minister to me! I've been given Today! Oh Lord may I not waste it...
Friday, October 21, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
Devote Yourself... Immerse Yourself...
"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. 14Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. 15Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers." -1 Tim. 4:12-16
A good friend recently gave me some timeless advice... he said when he was going through a difficult time emotionally, he immersed himself in ministry. As I've struggled with maintaining emotional stability I've realized that I have too much time on my hands. Too much time can lead to too much speculation, too much remembering, too much worrying about tomorrow when today has enough in itself. So I've made the decision to be busy about the things of God. My pastor has been prodding me to learn to lead music. I think he wants to eventually give me that responsibility. I texted him and said let's do it and let's also plan the next time I get to preach. I need to be in the Word more. I read every day, but I need to serve others with it. I know there's an interesting phenomenon that when you invest in the lives of others and serve them... you're own troubles have a way of fading into the background. So, Lord... may that happen for me as I immerse myself in the things of You, the gems of Your Word, and the service of Your people.
A good friend recently gave me some timeless advice... he said when he was going through a difficult time emotionally, he immersed himself in ministry. As I've struggled with maintaining emotional stability I've realized that I have too much time on my hands. Too much time can lead to too much speculation, too much remembering, too much worrying about tomorrow when today has enough in itself. So I've made the decision to be busy about the things of God. My pastor has been prodding me to learn to lead music. I think he wants to eventually give me that responsibility. I texted him and said let's do it and let's also plan the next time I get to preach. I need to be in the Word more. I read every day, but I need to serve others with it. I know there's an interesting phenomenon that when you invest in the lives of others and serve them... you're own troubles have a way of fading into the background. So, Lord... may that happen for me as I immerse myself in the things of You, the gems of Your Word, and the service of Your people.
Friday, September 23, 2011
More From Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas
"A magnificent marriage begins not with knowing one another, but with knowing God." -Gary and Betsy Ricucci
Gary explains how his single life changed after marriage.. "Overnight everything had changed. My usual rituals and spiritual habits just didn't seem to 'fit' my life anymore. I had to find new ones."
"Marriage virtually forces us into the intense act of reconciliation. It's easy to get along with people if you never get close to them. I could undoubtedly allow a certain immaturity to remain in my life as a single man, choosing not to deal with my selfishness and judgmental spirit..."
"I'm not obligated to be in a relationship with everybody, so there's nothing inherently wrong with simply sidestepping people who really raise my blood pressure. That option is obliterated in marriage. My wife and I live together every day. We are going to disagree about some things, and I am unquestionably obligated to maintain my intimacy with her. When we face unrealized expectations, disappoint each other, or even maliciously wound each other, will we allow dissension-which God hates-to predominate, or will we do the necessary relational work to press ahead to unity?"
"Many marital disputes result precisely from this: 'You want something but don't get it.' James says we don't get it because we're looking in the wrong place. Instead of placing demands on your spouse, look to God to have your needs met."
Gary confronts a common misconception that young single adults often believe "once their life mate is found, they assume, everything else will fall into place. Their loneliness, their insecurity, their worries about their own significance-all this and more will somehow mystically melt away in the fire of marital passion."
"When disillusionment breaks through, we have one of two choices: Dump our spouse and become infatuated with somebody new, or seek to understand the message behind the disillusionment-that we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being."
From C. S. Lewis... "If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
"Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, 'Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married for about a year said, 'I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began... dealing with differences, I how saw small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before.'"
"I believe it is possible to enter marriage with a view to being cleansed spiritually, if, that is, we do so with a willingness to embrace marriage as a spiritual discipline. To do this, we must not enter marriage predominantly to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ. We must embrace the reality of having our flaws exposed to our partner, and thereby having them exposed to us as well. Sin never seems quite as shocking when it is known only to us; when we see how it looks or sounds to another, it is magnified ten times over."
"The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a 'better' wife."
About God's relationship with Israel... "Now take these examples and break them down, thinking of them in a smaller context. There were times of great joy and celebration, frustration and anger, infidelity and apostasy, and excruciating seasons of silence. Sound like any relationship you know? Your own marriage, for example? Viewed through this lens, the marriage relationship allows us to experientially identify with God and His relationship with Israel."
"So often it isn't that our marriages are either good or bad-they just are. We get tired of the routine and the sameness, and our souls occasionally grow numb toward each other. Kathleen and Thomas Hart depict it this way: 'Marriage is a long walk two people take together. Sometimes the terrain is very interesting, sometimes rather dull. At times the walk is arduous, for both person or for one. Sometimes the conversation is lively; at other times, there is not much to say. The travelers do not know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive.'"
"When I hear of couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't even begun to experience what being married is really like. It's sort of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights; you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle, but it's too much too soon to experience the full rewards. Evaluating your marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half baked. Becoming one-in the deepest, most intimate sense-takes time. It's a journey that never really ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to really display itself in the marriage relationship."
About the world of earthly and horizontal considerations VS the world of heavenly eternal considerations, "Around which world is your life centered? Your marriage will ultimately reveal the answer to that question."
"We're always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants us to deal with our own heart first."
"They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake." -Alexander Pope
"We have it so easy that we can begin to be lulled to sleep, thinking that life should be easy or that it will always be easy. Once it gets a little difficult, we tend to become consumed with trying to make our lives comfortable again. But by doing so we miss a great spiritual opportunity."
"Our demands for comfort and ease show us what we truly value. It is the definitive demonstration of whether we are living for God's kingdom and service or for our own comfort and reputation."
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it's that a good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront, and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential."
"One of the great spiritual challenges for any Christian is to become less self-absorbed. We are born intensely self-focused."
"I believe that Christian marriage is also about learning to fall forward. Obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our feelings and our senses. When this happens the spiritually immature respond by pulling back, becoming more distant from their spouse, or even seeking to start over with somebody 'more exciting.' Yet maturity is reached by continuing to move forward past the pain and apathy."
"Even in the moments of anger, betrayal, exasperation, and hurt, we are called to pursue this person, to embrace them, and to grow toward them, to let our love redefine our feelings of disinterest, frustration, and even hate." AMEN!
"Many married couples have experienced this same phenomenon. Our thinking and our turn of phrases have literally been so shaped by each other's presence that we have begun to resemble one person."
"In the rush of infatuation, the person standing before us seems virtually infinite in his or her mystery, beauty, insight, and ability to create the feeling of pure pleasure in us. Just a few months or perhaps years later, it is amazing how finite and earthly this 'angel' has become."
Lord, my prayers continue. Thank you God for bringing this book into my life. The truth contained in it I believe is probably the best weapon against the road that leads to divorces. Lord, did you bring me this book so I can use it in counseling in the future? Did you bring it to comfort and affirm me in my time of great need? Did you send it to me at this exact time in my life to let me know I'm not crazy? To let me know that it's not just my sphere of influence agreeing with me? Oh Lord... for whatever reasons you brought me this book, it has done all those things. God I thank you for this author and how he has shown me that I'm not alone. Oh Father... you have shown me so much. Help me now to let these truths and your sovereignty reach my heart more and more as the days and hours pass.
Gary explains how his single life changed after marriage.. "Overnight everything had changed. My usual rituals and spiritual habits just didn't seem to 'fit' my life anymore. I had to find new ones."
"Marriage virtually forces us into the intense act of reconciliation. It's easy to get along with people if you never get close to them. I could undoubtedly allow a certain immaturity to remain in my life as a single man, choosing not to deal with my selfishness and judgmental spirit..."
"I'm not obligated to be in a relationship with everybody, so there's nothing inherently wrong with simply sidestepping people who really raise my blood pressure. That option is obliterated in marriage. My wife and I live together every day. We are going to disagree about some things, and I am unquestionably obligated to maintain my intimacy with her. When we face unrealized expectations, disappoint each other, or even maliciously wound each other, will we allow dissension-which God hates-to predominate, or will we do the necessary relational work to press ahead to unity?"
"Many marital disputes result precisely from this: 'You want something but don't get it.' James says we don't get it because we're looking in the wrong place. Instead of placing demands on your spouse, look to God to have your needs met."
Gary confronts a common misconception that young single adults often believe "once their life mate is found, they assume, everything else will fall into place. Their loneliness, their insecurity, their worries about their own significance-all this and more will somehow mystically melt away in the fire of marital passion."
"When disillusionment breaks through, we have one of two choices: Dump our spouse and become infatuated with somebody new, or seek to understand the message behind the disillusionment-that we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being."
From C. S. Lewis... "If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
"Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, 'Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married for about a year said, 'I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began... dealing with differences, I how saw small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before.'"
"I believe it is possible to enter marriage with a view to being cleansed spiritually, if, that is, we do so with a willingness to embrace marriage as a spiritual discipline. To do this, we must not enter marriage predominantly to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ. We must embrace the reality of having our flaws exposed to our partner, and thereby having them exposed to us as well. Sin never seems quite as shocking when it is known only to us; when we see how it looks or sounds to another, it is magnified ten times over."
"The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a 'better' wife."
About God's relationship with Israel... "Now take these examples and break them down, thinking of them in a smaller context. There were times of great joy and celebration, frustration and anger, infidelity and apostasy, and excruciating seasons of silence. Sound like any relationship you know? Your own marriage, for example? Viewed through this lens, the marriage relationship allows us to experientially identify with God and His relationship with Israel."
"So often it isn't that our marriages are either good or bad-they just are. We get tired of the routine and the sameness, and our souls occasionally grow numb toward each other. Kathleen and Thomas Hart depict it this way: 'Marriage is a long walk two people take together. Sometimes the terrain is very interesting, sometimes rather dull. At times the walk is arduous, for both person or for one. Sometimes the conversation is lively; at other times, there is not much to say. The travelers do not know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive.'"
"When I hear of couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't even begun to experience what being married is really like. It's sort of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights; you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle, but it's too much too soon to experience the full rewards. Evaluating your marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half baked. Becoming one-in the deepest, most intimate sense-takes time. It's a journey that never really ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to really display itself in the marriage relationship."
About the world of earthly and horizontal considerations VS the world of heavenly eternal considerations, "Around which world is your life centered? Your marriage will ultimately reveal the answer to that question."
"We're always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants us to deal with our own heart first."
"They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake." -Alexander Pope
"We have it so easy that we can begin to be lulled to sleep, thinking that life should be easy or that it will always be easy. Once it gets a little difficult, we tend to become consumed with trying to make our lives comfortable again. But by doing so we miss a great spiritual opportunity."
"Our demands for comfort and ease show us what we truly value. It is the definitive demonstration of whether we are living for God's kingdom and service or for our own comfort and reputation."
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it's that a good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront, and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential."
"One of the great spiritual challenges for any Christian is to become less self-absorbed. We are born intensely self-focused."
"I believe that Christian marriage is also about learning to fall forward. Obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our feelings and our senses. When this happens the spiritually immature respond by pulling back, becoming more distant from their spouse, or even seeking to start over with somebody 'more exciting.' Yet maturity is reached by continuing to move forward past the pain and apathy."
"Even in the moments of anger, betrayal, exasperation, and hurt, we are called to pursue this person, to embrace them, and to grow toward them, to let our love redefine our feelings of disinterest, frustration, and even hate." AMEN!
"Many married couples have experienced this same phenomenon. Our thinking and our turn of phrases have literally been so shaped by each other's presence that we have begun to resemble one person."
"In the rush of infatuation, the person standing before us seems virtually infinite in his or her mystery, beauty, insight, and ability to create the feeling of pure pleasure in us. Just a few months or perhaps years later, it is amazing how finite and earthly this 'angel' has become."
Lord, my prayers continue. Thank you God for bringing this book into my life. The truth contained in it I believe is probably the best weapon against the road that leads to divorces. Lord, did you bring me this book so I can use it in counseling in the future? Did you bring it to comfort and affirm me in my time of great need? Did you send it to me at this exact time in my life to let me know I'm not crazy? To let me know that it's not just my sphere of influence agreeing with me? Oh Lord... for whatever reasons you brought me this book, it has done all those things. God I thank you for this author and how he has shown me that I'm not alone. Oh Father... you have shown me so much. Help me now to let these truths and your sovereignty reach my heart more and more as the days and hours pass.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Happy Birthday in Chicago.
This past weekend was such a blessing to my heart. A friend paid to fly me up to Chicago for Saturday through Tuesday night. Not only that, but he took days off for us to spend time together and... planned a surprise party for me! About 8 friends hid in my room with the light off only to surprise me with balloons and happy birthdays. I was SO touched and I SO needed it. We hung out, had pizza, and played Apples to Apples. I got to use some birthday money to get a new Moody hat, some running shoes, and a copy of Sacred Influence By Gary Thomas. I got to meet with my two favorite professors... Dr. Burke and prof. Dallesandro. Had coffee with a friend, played pool and Foosball with a friend, hung out with others. I got to do some street preaching with Matthew. I'm sad to say dancing didn't work out. I got to see nearly everyone I wanted to. I even got to go running along the beach twice. God is so good.
Being there gave me time to take a step back from this past year since I finished... to rest, regroup emotionally, and draw strength from the Lord in a fresh way. Walking around campus I could very much relate to Proverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." The past few days have allowed me to come to terms with my last few memories of Moody, the environment, the campus, what I did and where I stood, and the things on my mind. Though I was laughing with friends, giving hugs, and having fun... I found that some memories (no matter how good they were) could be colored by what happens after them. Sometimes our life experiences come to carry a different significance and different emotions as our life plays out. I was encouraged however that as I really sought the Lord about where my heart was... I found that I was not consumed by the "ache." The school is remodeling Culby 2 and soon the prayer chapel would no longer exist. I later found that students weren't allowed on the floor. That's ok... I'm no longer a student! As I walked in the room the doors were removed, but everything else was untouched. It felt as if (though I'm prolly stretching it, lol) God knew I'd be returning that weekend. I spent so much time in prayer, so many Wednesdays with the Lord in that room. I'd shed tears there, trained students for evangelism, lifted up my sisters in Christ, and wrestled with God about what He was doing in my life.
I took the time meet with the Lord there one last time... to pray, to cry, to sing, and in the spirit of the Psalmists... to ask God to remember me. I asked Him to remember the times we shared in that room, the requests I made, the issues I wrestled with Him about... they haven't changed. The trip ended with an encouraging thought brought back to my memory. Matthew 6 says not to worry about your needs, that worrying will not add a single hour to your life. It says not to worry about tomorrow, the future, because today has enough in itself. Though I've read those words so many times... my emotions forgot them. It seems a constant struggle for us weak and fearful creatures to connect our heart and our head... our desires and our Theology. I flew home with a renewed sense that God has my future in His hands, where it has always been. It's safe there. God knew what He was doing, still knows what He is doing, and still knows what He will do. I must not worry about tomorrow, for my needs will be provided by the Lord in His time. He knows what is best for me and even when I don't understand Him and can't see what He is doing... I know that He is preparing my future for me and me for my future. Take your time Lord.
Being there gave me time to take a step back from this past year since I finished... to rest, regroup emotionally, and draw strength from the Lord in a fresh way. Walking around campus I could very much relate to Proverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." The past few days have allowed me to come to terms with my last few memories of Moody, the environment, the campus, what I did and where I stood, and the things on my mind. Though I was laughing with friends, giving hugs, and having fun... I found that some memories (no matter how good they were) could be colored by what happens after them. Sometimes our life experiences come to carry a different significance and different emotions as our life plays out. I was encouraged however that as I really sought the Lord about where my heart was... I found that I was not consumed by the "ache." The school is remodeling Culby 2 and soon the prayer chapel would no longer exist. I later found that students weren't allowed on the floor. That's ok... I'm no longer a student! As I walked in the room the doors were removed, but everything else was untouched. It felt as if (though I'm prolly stretching it, lol) God knew I'd be returning that weekend. I spent so much time in prayer, so many Wednesdays with the Lord in that room. I'd shed tears there, trained students for evangelism, lifted up my sisters in Christ, and wrestled with God about what He was doing in my life.
I took the time meet with the Lord there one last time... to pray, to cry, to sing, and in the spirit of the Psalmists... to ask God to remember me. I asked Him to remember the times we shared in that room, the requests I made, the issues I wrestled with Him about... they haven't changed. The trip ended with an encouraging thought brought back to my memory. Matthew 6 says not to worry about your needs, that worrying will not add a single hour to your life. It says not to worry about tomorrow, the future, because today has enough in itself. Though I've read those words so many times... my emotions forgot them. It seems a constant struggle for us weak and fearful creatures to connect our heart and our head... our desires and our Theology. I flew home with a renewed sense that God has my future in His hands, where it has always been. It's safe there. God knew what He was doing, still knows what He is doing, and still knows what He will do. I must not worry about tomorrow, for my needs will be provided by the Lord in His time. He knows what is best for me and even when I don't understand Him and can't see what He is doing... I know that He is preparing my future for me and me for my future. Take your time Lord.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Remember His Provision, Heed His Discipline, and Enjoy His Blessing.
Deuteronomy 8:2-10 says, "You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you [a]understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. 5 Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. 6 Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to [b]fear Him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land where you will eat food without scarcity, in which you will not lack anything; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you."
God reminded me recently about how stubborn and fickle the Israelites were. He gave them Manna in their wilderness and while it was what they needed and it was from God (adding to its quality), they told God they wanted meat. But all that time was to humble them, to test them, to see what was in their hearts, to see if they would stay true to the Lord. The purpose was to show them that food wasn't all it's cracked up to be... and it seems in the case of the Israelites that this meant the "good" food from Egypt. No, instead man lives and breathes from, by, and to the power and glory of God alone. They not only were unhappy with the food they were given... they actually wanted to go back to Egypt, as they found "safety" and comfort there, though it was a false comfort.
The advice given is to "remember." Remember what God has done for you. And as we remember... we are able to obey Him. Beyond this, the Israelites were told they were being led into the promised land. God gave them the end. I wish He'd do that in our lives sometimes, but then again... could we even handle that information? Haha. As I thought through this concept though and found this passage... oh how encouraged I am as I see that the Israelites are told the promised land will be good. It'll be so good that though they can't accept this at the moment... they will eat, be satisfied and bless God for His faithfulness to them. So many times we look at today and forget what God has done yesterday. We look at today and forget that God says He works all things for the good of those who love Him. The "good" is good because it comes from God. Lord, is there manna in my life that I can't see? That I refuse to see? Lord, will a time come when you bring your provision for me and all I'll see is what the Israelites saw? Will I grumble because I wanted something more glamorous? Will I complain because the Manna wasn't packaged in with my favorite color? Or will I be paying close attention with eyes wide open that I may "remember" what you have done in bringing me this provision? Lord, I know your ways are not my ways. Your thoughts are not my thoughts. I know Your provision will be "good" because it comes from You. God... may I be open and sensitive when You provide. May I not reject your provision. May I not be like the Israelites. But Lord, if by chance I am stubborn and blind... I ask you now... be gracious to me, for I am weak and emotional. I am double minded and unstable. I don't always know how to walk by faith and not by sight.
I've been thinking and praying a lot lately. Haven't had much time to do leisure reading. Been spending a lot of time in song. God is so good. Friends are so good. My friend who came to visit is paying to fly me to visit him in Chicago next weekend. It'll be the weekend of my birthday. I really need to regroup, rest, have fun with friends, and spend time with the Lord in the Culby 2 Prayer Chapel before they finish remodeling. Some friends and I are planning to go swing dancing. I'm trying to gather a few more people. My church is holding a birthday party for another friend who has the same birthday as I and I'm invited. Looking forward to it. Four days away from retail groceries by the grace of God. I don't know how they let me go without us having a Produce manager. Nothing new about a church to serve in. Have had other things to do lately so I haven't been searching for new churches to apply at. I'm kinda excited lately though... a pool cleaning company found me on craigslist. The job would pay what I'd need to live on my own and the owner was a pastor for 20 years. Trying to setup an interview this week and doing research on pool maintenance on my own. Lord, if you want me here longer than I'd thought... so be it. I've always wanted Your will before my own, no matter how hard or how many questions I have.
God reminded me recently about how stubborn and fickle the Israelites were. He gave them Manna in their wilderness and while it was what they needed and it was from God (adding to its quality), they told God they wanted meat. But all that time was to humble them, to test them, to see what was in their hearts, to see if they would stay true to the Lord. The purpose was to show them that food wasn't all it's cracked up to be... and it seems in the case of the Israelites that this meant the "good" food from Egypt. No, instead man lives and breathes from, by, and to the power and glory of God alone. They not only were unhappy with the food they were given... they actually wanted to go back to Egypt, as they found "safety" and comfort there, though it was a false comfort.
The advice given is to "remember." Remember what God has done for you. And as we remember... we are able to obey Him. Beyond this, the Israelites were told they were being led into the promised land. God gave them the end. I wish He'd do that in our lives sometimes, but then again... could we even handle that information? Haha. As I thought through this concept though and found this passage... oh how encouraged I am as I see that the Israelites are told the promised land will be good. It'll be so good that though they can't accept this at the moment... they will eat, be satisfied and bless God for His faithfulness to them. So many times we look at today and forget what God has done yesterday. We look at today and forget that God says He works all things for the good of those who love Him. The "good" is good because it comes from God. Lord, is there manna in my life that I can't see? That I refuse to see? Lord, will a time come when you bring your provision for me and all I'll see is what the Israelites saw? Will I grumble because I wanted something more glamorous? Will I complain because the Manna wasn't packaged in with my favorite color? Or will I be paying close attention with eyes wide open that I may "remember" what you have done in bringing me this provision? Lord, I know your ways are not my ways. Your thoughts are not my thoughts. I know Your provision will be "good" because it comes from You. God... may I be open and sensitive when You provide. May I not reject your provision. May I not be like the Israelites. But Lord, if by chance I am stubborn and blind... I ask you now... be gracious to me, for I am weak and emotional. I am double minded and unstable. I don't always know how to walk by faith and not by sight.
I've been thinking and praying a lot lately. Haven't had much time to do leisure reading. Been spending a lot of time in song. God is so good. Friends are so good. My friend who came to visit is paying to fly me to visit him in Chicago next weekend. It'll be the weekend of my birthday. I really need to regroup, rest, have fun with friends, and spend time with the Lord in the Culby 2 Prayer Chapel before they finish remodeling. Some friends and I are planning to go swing dancing. I'm trying to gather a few more people. My church is holding a birthday party for another friend who has the same birthday as I and I'm invited. Looking forward to it. Four days away from retail groceries by the grace of God. I don't know how they let me go without us having a Produce manager. Nothing new about a church to serve in. Have had other things to do lately so I haven't been searching for new churches to apply at. I'm kinda excited lately though... a pool cleaning company found me on craigslist. The job would pay what I'd need to live on my own and the owner was a pastor for 20 years. Trying to setup an interview this week and doing research on pool maintenance on my own. Lord, if you want me here longer than I'd thought... so be it. I've always wanted Your will before my own, no matter how hard or how many questions I have.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sacred Marriage
Updates:
There's little to say I suppose. More closed doors on the churches. Closed doors for a better secular job. Nothing is lining up. I often feel hopeless. It's hard to press on, but I know I will. The Lord is with me. I've been trying to be more disciplined in my schedule and go to bed around 10, get up at 6am, hit the gym, and then go to Panera to job and church hunt until I go to work at 11 if I close. I've been maintaining that for the most part. My nights are spent with dinner and a book lately.
Sacred Marriage:
When Matthew was here visiting me he told me of how he has wanted to buy me a gift. He tried looking for things in Chicago to bring down. he even asked his brother to pick up something for me once while he was at the store, but his brother didn't have the money for it. When Matthew got here he noticed that I'd owned all the things he was planning to buy me. As we talked he mentioned to me a book I'd heard about before but never knew the premise. He later asked if I wanted that book and he bought it for me. The book was Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas. Apparently he has a number of books on a similar theme and perspective. I found out that Matthew was recommended the book by a mutual friend who is engaged. As I've read this book my heart has been so touched and encouraged. I told my pastor I was reading it and he said he'd been using it for years in marital counseling. I spoke with his wife and she said she'd used the woman's version of the book "Sacred Influence" by the same author. I'm only in Chapter 5, but I've found myself underlining on nearly every page. I wanted to share some of the author's insights and maybe how they've touched my heart lately at just the right time in my life...
Gary asks the fundamental questions of his perspective on pg. 13 in the beginning of the book, "What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
He quotes from Katherine Ann Porter in an essay written in the 1940's titled "The Necessary Enemy" as she makes the following observations about a young wife, "This very contemporary young woman finds herself facing the oldest and ugliest of dilemma of marriage. She is dismayed, horrified, full of guilt and forebodings because she is finding out little by little that she is capable of hating her husband, whom she loves faithfully. She can hate him at times as fiercely and mysteriously, indeed in terribly much the same way, as often she hated her parents, her brothers, and sisters, whom she loves, when she was a child... She thought she had outgrown all this, but here it was again, an element in her own nature she could not control, or feared she could not."
He continues, "'Her hatred is real and her love is real' Porter explains of this young wife. This is reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults for the rest of their lives."
"Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism"
"Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else. Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement."
"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question-stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness."
"I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy infatuation and make me 'happy,' then I'd have to get a 'new' marriage every 2 or 3 years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I'd have to grow."
"I didn't decide to focus on changing myself so that I could have a tension-free marriage or so that I'd be happier or even more content in my marriage. Instead, I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment FROM God."
"God appreciates our quirks and understands our hearts' good intentions even when they might be masked by incredibly stupid behavior."
"I believe that much of the dissatisfaction we experience in marriage comes from expecting too much from it."
"The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-centered view or a man-centered view? In a man-centered view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations are met. IN a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator."
He quotes 2 Cor. 5:9, "So we make it our goal to please Him" and asks the question, "What makes God Happy?... Will this be pleasing to Christ? The first purpose in marriage--beyond happiness, sexual expression, the bearing of children, companionship, mutual care and provision, or anything else--is to please God. The challenge of course is that it is utterly selfless living; rather than asking 'What will make me happy?' ...we must ask, 'What will make God happy?'"
"Years ago Paul Simon wrote a best-selling song proclaiming 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.' A Christian needs just one reason to stay with his or her lover: the analogy of Christ and His church."
"This man or this woman seems so different from you. I know. That's why it seems so difficult to love him or her. When you think one level, she thinks on another. When you're certain this perspective matters most, he brings in another angle entirely. And you ask yourself 'How can I possibly love someone who is so different from me?' And yet consider, if you can ask this question with integrity, try asking yourself this one: How could you possibly love God? He is spirit and you are encased in flesh and bones. He is eternal and you are trapped in time. He is holy, perfect, sinless, and you--like me--are steeped in sin. It is far less a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God. But I think it's more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves to love the 'different.'... We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in Him--the Totally Other."
"Many of the marital problems we face are not problems between individual couples... They are problems between man, generally, and women, generally. They are problems that arise because we are either too lazy or too selfish to get to know our spouse well enough to understand how different from us they really are."
"Sadly I spent the first few years of my marriage adding up the pluses and minuses of my and my wife's various personality traits. The problem was simple: I was spending too much time on my pluses and her minuses... I realized that I was being deluded in my sense of self-righteousness. Instead of focusing on what Lisa could improve I should have been on my knees begging God to change me."
"We're not married in a carefree Garden of Eden. We're married int he midst of many responsibilities that compete for our energy."
"Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth--and the child will be named either contempt, or respect."
"It is guaranteed that your spouse will sin against you, disappoint you, and have physical limitations that will frustrate and sadden you. He may come home with the best of intentions and still lose his temper. She may have all the desire but none of the energy. This is a fallen world. Let me repeat this: you will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can't respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse."
That's about as far as I've gotten and it's a lot to read, but... oh how God has blessed my heart in reading it. I've had such a heart for couples and marriages and the more I read this book the more I keep saying that I could have written it, but praise be to God... that I didn't write it. Praise be to God that there's a man out there who is speaking at seminars and counseling couples and sharing the reality that so many people need to hear. Praise God for Gary Thomas...
There's little to say I suppose. More closed doors on the churches. Closed doors for a better secular job. Nothing is lining up. I often feel hopeless. It's hard to press on, but I know I will. The Lord is with me. I've been trying to be more disciplined in my schedule and go to bed around 10, get up at 6am, hit the gym, and then go to Panera to job and church hunt until I go to work at 11 if I close. I've been maintaining that for the most part. My nights are spent with dinner and a book lately.
Sacred Marriage:
When Matthew was here visiting me he told me of how he has wanted to buy me a gift. He tried looking for things in Chicago to bring down. he even asked his brother to pick up something for me once while he was at the store, but his brother didn't have the money for it. When Matthew got here he noticed that I'd owned all the things he was planning to buy me. As we talked he mentioned to me a book I'd heard about before but never knew the premise. He later asked if I wanted that book and he bought it for me. The book was Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas. Apparently he has a number of books on a similar theme and perspective. I found out that Matthew was recommended the book by a mutual friend who is engaged. As I've read this book my heart has been so touched and encouraged. I told my pastor I was reading it and he said he'd been using it for years in marital counseling. I spoke with his wife and she said she'd used the woman's version of the book "Sacred Influence" by the same author. I'm only in Chapter 5, but I've found myself underlining on nearly every page. I wanted to share some of the author's insights and maybe how they've touched my heart lately at just the right time in my life...
Gary asks the fundamental questions of his perspective on pg. 13 in the beginning of the book, "What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
He quotes from Katherine Ann Porter in an essay written in the 1940's titled "The Necessary Enemy" as she makes the following observations about a young wife, "This very contemporary young woman finds herself facing the oldest and ugliest of dilemma of marriage. She is dismayed, horrified, full of guilt and forebodings because she is finding out little by little that she is capable of hating her husband, whom she loves faithfully. She can hate him at times as fiercely and mysteriously, indeed in terribly much the same way, as often she hated her parents, her brothers, and sisters, whom she loves, when she was a child... She thought she had outgrown all this, but here it was again, an element in her own nature she could not control, or feared she could not."
He continues, "'Her hatred is real and her love is real' Porter explains of this young wife. This is reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults for the rest of their lives."
"Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism"
"Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else. Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement."
"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question-stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness."
"I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy infatuation and make me 'happy,' then I'd have to get a 'new' marriage every 2 or 3 years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I'd have to grow."
"I didn't decide to focus on changing myself so that I could have a tension-free marriage or so that I'd be happier or even more content in my marriage. Instead, I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment FROM God."
"God appreciates our quirks and understands our hearts' good intentions even when they might be masked by incredibly stupid behavior."
"I believe that much of the dissatisfaction we experience in marriage comes from expecting too much from it."
"The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-centered view or a man-centered view? In a man-centered view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations are met. IN a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator."
He quotes 2 Cor. 5:9, "So we make it our goal to please Him" and asks the question, "What makes God Happy?... Will this be pleasing to Christ? The first purpose in marriage--beyond happiness, sexual expression, the bearing of children, companionship, mutual care and provision, or anything else--is to please God. The challenge of course is that it is utterly selfless living; rather than asking 'What will make me happy?' ...we must ask, 'What will make God happy?'"
"Years ago Paul Simon wrote a best-selling song proclaiming 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.' A Christian needs just one reason to stay with his or her lover: the analogy of Christ and His church."
"This man or this woman seems so different from you. I know. That's why it seems so difficult to love him or her. When you think one level, she thinks on another. When you're certain this perspective matters most, he brings in another angle entirely. And you ask yourself 'How can I possibly love someone who is so different from me?' And yet consider, if you can ask this question with integrity, try asking yourself this one: How could you possibly love God? He is spirit and you are encased in flesh and bones. He is eternal and you are trapped in time. He is holy, perfect, sinless, and you--like me--are steeped in sin. It is far less a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God. But I think it's more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves to love the 'different.'... We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in Him--the Totally Other."
"Many of the marital problems we face are not problems between individual couples... They are problems between man, generally, and women, generally. They are problems that arise because we are either too lazy or too selfish to get to know our spouse well enough to understand how different from us they really are."
"Sadly I spent the first few years of my marriage adding up the pluses and minuses of my and my wife's various personality traits. The problem was simple: I was spending too much time on my pluses and her minuses... I realized that I was being deluded in my sense of self-righteousness. Instead of focusing on what Lisa could improve I should have been on my knees begging God to change me."
"We're not married in a carefree Garden of Eden. We're married int he midst of many responsibilities that compete for our energy."
"Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth--and the child will be named either contempt, or respect."
"It is guaranteed that your spouse will sin against you, disappoint you, and have physical limitations that will frustrate and sadden you. He may come home with the best of intentions and still lose his temper. She may have all the desire but none of the energy. This is a fallen world. Let me repeat this: you will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can't respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse."
That's about as far as I've gotten and it's a lot to read, but... oh how God has blessed my heart in reading it. I've had such a heart for couples and marriages and the more I read this book the more I keep saying that I could have written it, but praise be to God... that I didn't write it. Praise be to God that there's a man out there who is speaking at seminars and counseling couples and sharing the reality that so many people need to hear. Praise God for Gary Thomas...
Monday, August 22, 2011
Why Do The Wicked Prosper?
Updates:
By the grace of God I survived last week. My friend Matthew came and though the week wasn't what I'd hoped, Matthew and I made the best of it. It was good to go to the gym together, hang out, watch Left Behind movies, and go witnessing Friday night. My manager is officially gone and therefore I get more hours. I've sent an email to apply for a call center job at an energy company paying about what I'm looking for. I'll do some more job hunting and Lord willing I'll find a job soon and in less than a year I'll have my own place. Trusting God to order my next steps. I've applied for the Young Adult Pastor position at James MacDonald's church in Naperville, IL. I'm still barely in contact with a small Baptist church in NY. I'm also in contact with a rural church in MI which I was referred to, but they may have roots in the Free Will Baptist Denomination. If that's true... they would NOT like me. I'm displaying 2 of the 5 Solas of the Reformation on my hat and computer right now in public as I type!
Why Do The Wicked Prosper?
I've been humbled recently by the reminder of just how human I am, how human we all are. We may think ourselves spiritual, mature, and above certain things, but man... pain, emotions, and circumstances can sure derail our focus on Christ, a sovereign God, and a biblical worldview. Our emotions sometimes help us forget what we know to be true about God and what His Word teaches. As I was out witnessing with Matthew this past Friday night I saw so many couples... as I always do. It's quite the date spot. I began asking myself... why do all these guys (most of whom are likely not saved) get all these beautiful women? Yes, I actually thought that! We're never above those kinds of thoughts, especially in times of weakness. Lately it's been hard as I see parents with their children, husbands with their wives, people living the life I want so much. Lately I feel like if I were to walk through a door into someone else's life with a wife and kids that the transition would be in most respects smooth. It FEELS as if I'm already living that life and am ready to live it, though... it seems God doesn't think it's time yet. But I've wondered, Lord why have you chosen to bless the wicked with these things and yet though you've taught me so much and made me the man I am today, you've yet to bless me with such gifts?
I knew the Psalms had something to say about this idea somewhere so I asked my friend Matthew about it, had he seen anything in Scripture that readily came to mind on this subject? HE said there were times when he felt the same. He pointed me to Psalm 73.
Asaph is the author of the psalm. He says in v.2-3, "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked." I find rays of hope in his words "almost" and "nearly." He recounts for us a time he struggled and hints to us that hope is on its' way before we even hear the struggle. He saw the prosperity of the wicked and wanted what they had. He continues, "For they have no pangs until death, their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind." By "fat" here he seems to mean "full/having plenty." They seem to have all they need and possibly more than they need. He then shifts to reality and tells us of how they mock God with their lifestyle. He says in v.12-14, "Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning." Asaph says the wicked are prospering and seemingly with no difficulty and yet he has been faithful to the Lord in His walk and is full of pain.
I can identify with Asaph... as I go about my days I wonder why God has yet to grant me the things He has granted those who don't know Him and further, those who actually mock Him. Asaph expressed a familiar difficulty in v.16 as he says, "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task." Amen Asaph! To think on these things is a full time job with little progress made. It hurts to wonder why God would bless others and seemingly leave us in the dust... with closed doors, long waiting periods, and so much pain. Asaph tells us now though of his hope and as I share this with whoever is reading I must confess that though truth is presented to us... we may not always FEEL like receiving it. There are times when the hurt is too great, the situation seeming so big, that we hear these things and it doesn't change the pain. So if that's you... if you need perseverance to even be able to start persevering, as I've needed lately. I encourage you not to read with me what Asaph did, but to do with me what Asaph did. It's the only when we can do this that faith is refreshed and our hearts renewed in the Lord.
In v.17-19 he says, "until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!" Asaph saw that though the wicked seem to be prospering in this life, this life was all they had to look forward to. When we hurt in this life on earth we forget that this is not our home. When we experience pain here, we forget that a day is coming when there will be no tears except tears of joy in the presence of God. Asaph met with the Lord in the sanctuary and was reminded of the sweetness of the presence of God in only a glimpse. But that glimpse pointed toward an eternity. The wicked may enjoy this life, but they will exist longer after death than they will before it. We may struggle in this life, but we won't receive the spiritual death they will, we get spiritual life.
Asaph is reminded of his state before the Lord got ahold of him as he says in v.22, "I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you." We must also remember that while the wicked prosper on earth, they do not prosper inside. They are beasts; monsters of sin clothed in outward prosperity. As I began to think about all these couples Friday night I was reminded that physical appearance is not what it's cracked up to be. You can be beautiful on the outside and yet full of hatred toward God and love for sin on the inside. Lord, how could I forget such obvious truth!? The Lord looks on the heart! The Lord chooses the Davids who are men after God's own heart and rejects the Sauls who stand a head above the rest but lack the things God blesses!
Asaph's final words in Psalm 73 are all we need, "Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
The Lord is with us. He holds us. He guides us. He brings us up to be with Him when we leave this fleeting life. He strengthens our heart when it's weak. We can only see this though as we take our eyes off the world and off this life and lift them up to heaven. I challenge you as I challenge myself... to be near to God. To be in His presence in song and prayer. It's by doing this that we may take our eyes off this world... the difficulty we're facing and the prosperity we seem to lack, and REMEMBER Who we will be with one day. Thank you God that your Word is living and active and relevant. Thank you for friends who remind us of your character and point us to your word...
By the grace of God I survived last week. My friend Matthew came and though the week wasn't what I'd hoped, Matthew and I made the best of it. It was good to go to the gym together, hang out, watch Left Behind movies, and go witnessing Friday night. My manager is officially gone and therefore I get more hours. I've sent an email to apply for a call center job at an energy company paying about what I'm looking for. I'll do some more job hunting and Lord willing I'll find a job soon and in less than a year I'll have my own place. Trusting God to order my next steps. I've applied for the Young Adult Pastor position at James MacDonald's church in Naperville, IL. I'm still barely in contact with a small Baptist church in NY. I'm also in contact with a rural church in MI which I was referred to, but they may have roots in the Free Will Baptist Denomination. If that's true... they would NOT like me. I'm displaying 2 of the 5 Solas of the Reformation on my hat and computer right now in public as I type!
Why Do The Wicked Prosper?
I've been humbled recently by the reminder of just how human I am, how human we all are. We may think ourselves spiritual, mature, and above certain things, but man... pain, emotions, and circumstances can sure derail our focus on Christ, a sovereign God, and a biblical worldview. Our emotions sometimes help us forget what we know to be true about God and what His Word teaches. As I was out witnessing with Matthew this past Friday night I saw so many couples... as I always do. It's quite the date spot. I began asking myself... why do all these guys (most of whom are likely not saved) get all these beautiful women? Yes, I actually thought that! We're never above those kinds of thoughts, especially in times of weakness. Lately it's been hard as I see parents with their children, husbands with their wives, people living the life I want so much. Lately I feel like if I were to walk through a door into someone else's life with a wife and kids that the transition would be in most respects smooth. It FEELS as if I'm already living that life and am ready to live it, though... it seems God doesn't think it's time yet. But I've wondered, Lord why have you chosen to bless the wicked with these things and yet though you've taught me so much and made me the man I am today, you've yet to bless me with such gifts?
I knew the Psalms had something to say about this idea somewhere so I asked my friend Matthew about it, had he seen anything in Scripture that readily came to mind on this subject? HE said there were times when he felt the same. He pointed me to Psalm 73.
Asaph is the author of the psalm. He says in v.2-3, "But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled, my steps had nearly slipped. For I was envious of the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked." I find rays of hope in his words "almost" and "nearly." He recounts for us a time he struggled and hints to us that hope is on its' way before we even hear the struggle. He saw the prosperity of the wicked and wanted what they had. He continues, "For they have no pangs until death, their bodies are fat and sleek. They are not in trouble as others are; they are not stricken like the rest of mankind." By "fat" here he seems to mean "full/having plenty." They seem to have all they need and possibly more than they need. He then shifts to reality and tells us of how they mock God with their lifestyle. He says in v.12-14, "Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches. All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning." Asaph says the wicked are prospering and seemingly with no difficulty and yet he has been faithful to the Lord in His walk and is full of pain.
I can identify with Asaph... as I go about my days I wonder why God has yet to grant me the things He has granted those who don't know Him and further, those who actually mock Him. Asaph expressed a familiar difficulty in v.16 as he says, "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task." Amen Asaph! To think on these things is a full time job with little progress made. It hurts to wonder why God would bless others and seemingly leave us in the dust... with closed doors, long waiting periods, and so much pain. Asaph tells us now though of his hope and as I share this with whoever is reading I must confess that though truth is presented to us... we may not always FEEL like receiving it. There are times when the hurt is too great, the situation seeming so big, that we hear these things and it doesn't change the pain. So if that's you... if you need perseverance to even be able to start persevering, as I've needed lately. I encourage you not to read with me what Asaph did, but to do with me what Asaph did. It's the only when we can do this that faith is refreshed and our hearts renewed in the Lord.
In v.17-19 he says, "until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end. Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin. How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!" Asaph saw that though the wicked seem to be prospering in this life, this life was all they had to look forward to. When we hurt in this life on earth we forget that this is not our home. When we experience pain here, we forget that a day is coming when there will be no tears except tears of joy in the presence of God. Asaph met with the Lord in the sanctuary and was reminded of the sweetness of the presence of God in only a glimpse. But that glimpse pointed toward an eternity. The wicked may enjoy this life, but they will exist longer after death than they will before it. We may struggle in this life, but we won't receive the spiritual death they will, we get spiritual life.
Asaph is reminded of his state before the Lord got ahold of him as he says in v.22, "I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you." We must also remember that while the wicked prosper on earth, they do not prosper inside. They are beasts; monsters of sin clothed in outward prosperity. As I began to think about all these couples Friday night I was reminded that physical appearance is not what it's cracked up to be. You can be beautiful on the outside and yet full of hatred toward God and love for sin on the inside. Lord, how could I forget such obvious truth!? The Lord looks on the heart! The Lord chooses the Davids who are men after God's own heart and rejects the Sauls who stand a head above the rest but lack the things God blesses!
Asaph's final words in Psalm 73 are all we need, "Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."
The Lord is with us. He holds us. He guides us. He brings us up to be with Him when we leave this fleeting life. He strengthens our heart when it's weak. We can only see this though as we take our eyes off the world and off this life and lift them up to heaven. I challenge you as I challenge myself... to be near to God. To be in His presence in song and prayer. It's by doing this that we may take our eyes off this world... the difficulty we're facing and the prosperity we seem to lack, and REMEMBER Who we will be with one day. Thank you God that your Word is living and active and relevant. Thank you for friends who remind us of your character and point us to your word...
Friday, August 12, 2011
Arthur W. Pink: Biography and Thoughts
I've been spending my nights lately catching up on my reading. I really enjoy reading, but haven't made the time. The TV is a great distraction. For the longest time I've been reading through the biography titled "Arthur W. Pink: Born To Write" By Richard Belcher. I've heard that biographies on this man are hard to come by. I myself have waited a couple years for one to come available on Amazon. This is by no means a comprehensive analysis of Pink. I've only read this one biography alongside a few of Pink's tracts and quotes. I'm not an expert. His book The Sovereignty of God still sits on my shelf unread. But at least it got to my shelf, right? I'll get to it eventually.
I think I was first really turned on to Pink reading his tract "Saving Faith." In it he says that someone calling himself a believer means nothing if this "belief" isn't reflected in his life. He says, "is it not evident that as a fountain is known by the waters which issue from it, so the nature of your faith may be ascertained by what it is bringing forth?" He also says, "Saving faith necessarily involved the renouncing of our own sinful, "lordship", the throwing down of the weapons of our warfare against Him, and the submitting to His yoke and rule. And before any sinful rebel is brought to that place, a miracle of grace has to be wrought within him." Most people credit the philosophy called "Lordship Salvation" to John MacArthur, but Pink was teaching it back in the early 1900's... after Jesus and the Apostle Paul in Romans of course :).
Pink and his wife put together a magazine in the early 1900's called Studies in The Scriptures. His writings are what he's most known for. Pink was a kind of prophet in his day. I don't mean this in the foretelling sense, but in the heart and influence of a prophet. Prophets in Scripture are usually a nuisance. 2 Chron. 18:6-7 says, "But Jehoshaphat said, “Is there not yet a prophet of the LORD here that we may inquire of him?” 7 The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “There is yet one man by whom we may inquire of the LORD, but I hate him, for he never prophesies good concerning me but always evil. He is Micaiah, son of Imla.” The story tells that the king of Israel assembled prophets... and all of them gave him good news. But the king thought they might just be telling him what he wanted to hear so he sent for Micaiah. The king knew he'd get a straight answer from the unbiased prophet but it may not be the answer he wanted... and it certainly wasn't. A prophet is one who stands out among the crowd and is willing to speak the truth in the face of opposition, possible ruffled feathers, and even death. A prophet is loud on the things that are wrong to shake people from their complacency and couch potato "go with the flow" lifestyles. God uses them I believe to be the shakers and movers in our society. The things Pink often wrote and the boldness he displayed... I believe places him in the category of a prophet. Interestingly enough, his biography says he knew this about himself. I must admit I've thought the same about myself personally at times. Is this pride? It could be... humility and calling are often in need of balance.
I also identify with Pink in that he was an introvert. Now, as I read it occurs to me that Pink was much more one than I. It's said in his later years that he put aside his efforts for public or pastoral ministry and focused solely on his writing. He even informed his subscribers that he would not see visitors at his home anymore. It's interesting to me that as I've studied introverts (informally mind you) they tend to be so deep and firm in their convictions. Often the best way for them to vent or release themselves is in a format where response or interaction isn't encouraged. They are vocal as they write or as they speak and preach publicly but in person they look at the floor and have trouble knowing what to do with their hands. I'm reminded of Dr. Tony Evans who preaches with such passion and conviction and yet has asked people not to approach him in person after the sermon because he's an introvert. Before salvation it's said Pink was a member of an unbiblical kind of cult called The Theosophy Society. He actually rose to leadership in this cult and spoke often at their meetings. A day came when his father quoted Proverbs 14:12 to him evangelistically, "There is a way which seems right to a man, but the end thereof is the way of death." This verse sent him into isolation in his room for the rest of the week without food. In that room the Lord got ahold of his heart and saved him. He left that Friday night to walk into the Theosophy meeting to speak... and he preached the gospel to that cult. I love that! He had no trouble making the truth known.
The book doesn't reveal much about the relationship between Pink and his wife before marriage and how it all came together. But I was encouraged by her. She supported him in all his endeavors as best the book could tell. They moved all over the world... back and forth in and out of the U.S., England, Scotland. She helped him in publication of his magazine and even finished up what was left after his death just as he asked her to.
The author titles the book "Born to Write." He does this because he believes Pink's true calling was to write and he shows that Pink himself eventually came to this conclusion himself. Pink tried often to maintain public ministry. He pastored several churches. One organization kicked him out because they thought he was too Arminian and another because they thought he was too Calvinistic. He tried holding a small group or so outside of the local church but attendance dwindled. He once had a thriving conference speaking ministry (which is also preferred by introverts... you can say what you feel needs to be said and get on an airplane to let someone else handle the aftermath.) But all of it kept failing. He often expressed continued discouragement in the fact that nothing seemed to be working out for him in ministry. Even his magazine suffered a decline in readers as they sometimes would drop 100-200 names from the list in a given year. Arthur, I'm young but I feel ya there in a way. There was often still a ray of hope in Pink as he often kept trying to serve God's people in person. It seemed however that God knew his impact would primarily be to that flock around the world who received his magazine and the Bible teaching he believed his age of Christianity so desperately needed.
Also as I read however, I was pleased the author didn't gloss over Pink's faults much. The only time I thought he might have been was when the author spoke of his formal Bible training. I was surprised to hear that Pink actually attended Moody Bible Institute. It was only for part of a summer session however. The author believes he may have left Moody because he was self-taught and possibly because his individualistic spirit resisted authority (surely someone like this is the making of an itinerant minister). The author spends much time quoting Pink and describing his thorough discipline of reading and Bible study. It's not entirely clear in the end why Pink left, but Pink does say, "One does not have to enter a seminary or Bible Institute and take a course in Christian Apologetics in order to obtain assurance that the Bible is inspired, or in order to learn how to interpret it." Having been to Bible college and to Moody specifically, though some things I did already know walking in... there is much that I learned, much that guarded me from mishandling such sacred Words of God and from misleading the people of God. If Pink really did leave Moody because he was confident in his own ability without the benefit of the study of others, he set himself up for potential problems in teaching and preaching. This would have certainly been a decision of conceit and pride and in this we must be honest.
It's also worth noting that in his later years Pink actually grew to a point where he told his readers to leave their churches. His boldness turned to tactless criticism. He grew increasingly weary of the state of the local church in the world at his time. I wonder what he'd think about churches today doing things like having dirt bike riders jump ramps behind the pastor as he preaches and other antics. Pink would even reject speaking engagements at many churches because for one reason or another he felt they were wrong. The author says, "Though he knew absolutely nothing about the church, he declined the invitation, as he concluded that it was probably no better or worse than thousands of others." He eventually said this about local churches, "Far better to worship Him Scripturally in the seclusion of our own homes, than fellowship the abominable mockery that is now going on in almost all the so-called 'churches'." On Heb. 10:25 he says, "[This verse] is very far from meaning the sheep of Christ should attend a place where the goats predominate, or where their presence would sanction what is dishonoring to their Master." On this issue I'm reminded of a man I used to go witnessing with. Our little group of evangelists were the only family of God he had. It was as if we were the remnant of what was left of biblical Christianity in his eyes. He often talked of how corrupt the church was today. He would tell me of how he repeatedly listened to certain sermons over and over again because the preachers who spoke the truth were so rare. I was myself searching for a church at the time and would pass the info of churches I'd visited onto him to check out, though I think my recommendations fell on deaf ears. He lost hope in the local church. He displayed an attitude that was really identical to Pink.
This is common today too. We tend to often think our own church is one of the few is not the only biblical church left on the planet. I agree that solid meaty Bible teaching is rare these days. I agree that gimmicks and pop culture are driving so many churches. I also agree that a day may come when the only option is to form house churches, but I don't think we're there yet. To be there is to be under government oppression. Some countries are already there... worshiping and fellowshiping in secret. Pink, my friend, and the rest of us need to recognize that the local church is full of people... and people are NUTS. They don't know what to think, feel, how to live, what to believe, etc. They are sheep and sheep don't need to be abandoned by capable shepherds... they need to be led by them. A capable shepherd endures the problems of people and comes alongside them as Christ would. beyond this, we must be careful how we talk about the "church." The church is not a group of people who enter a building. The church is those who are God's real children. The church itself has problems and yet they beloved of a God who does not abandon them, but disciplines, guides, and loves them. Should we not imitate our Lord and do the same?
Pink's last words were "The Scriptures explain themselves."
AS I look on the life of A.W. Pink as given to me by this one biographer, I am encouraged in so many ways. I'm encouraged that this man with the heart of a prophet had a ministry that outlasted him and still lives today bringing the bold conviction in our day that was also needed in his. I'm encouraged by his wife who stood by him and uprooted herself so many times to go wherever her husband believed God was leading them. She trusted him. I'm encouraged that an introvert was so used of God and though he was an introvert he did not die a lonely man, for he not only had his wife but he had his Lord. In his final days he spent much of his time in great joy that he would soon be with God and also spent his time encouraging his wife to trust God as she also knew his time was coming soon. When the Lord grants me a wife... if He would have me to come home before she, I would hope my time could also be spent in expectation of seeing His face and encouraging my wife to trust Him as I left her. I live under the conviction that a godly husband must be willing and able to be strong for himself and his wife in hard times. May no woman marry a man who cannot be this. I look at Pink's ministry and I wonder what God has for me. I honestly can't say I'd be content writing for the rest of my life. I GREATLY enjoy writing and don't do it often enough, but I love people so much. There is a part of me that if I were made to choose... I'd prefer 1-2-1 discipleship ministry over public preaching and writing. There's equally another part of me which LOVES to see the people of God grow and to be part of that. Perhaps the Lord will open and close doors to direct my path in a way other than I hope or would expect.. as he did with Pink. Though today I often look up at Him in tears waiting for my time to come, I'm excited that I know He would not have saved me, this man who was a God-hating Atheist... He would not have brought me to Bible college and helped me to graduate debt free... He would not have given me the joy of seeing His people grow and be blessed by my ministry... without having plans for me.
Lord, where are You taking me? How and when are you taking me? Sigh. My birthday is coming soon God. I have a few gifts in mind. Are you ready to give them? Am I ready to receive them? Are the gifts in my mind different than the ones in Yours? If so... so be it. I praise You now and I praise You then. Not my will be done, but Yours.
I think I was first really turned on to Pink reading his tract "Saving Faith." In it he says that someone calling himself a believer means nothing if this "belief" isn't reflected in his life. He says, "is it not evident that as a fountain is known by the waters which issue from it, so the nature of your faith may be ascertained by what it is bringing forth?" He also says, "Saving faith necessarily involved the renouncing of our own sinful, "lordship", the throwing down of the weapons of our warfare against Him, and the submitting to His yoke and rule. And before any sinful rebel is brought to that place, a miracle of grace has to be wrought within him." Most people credit the philosophy called "Lordship Salvation" to John MacArthur, but Pink was teaching it back in the early 1900's... after Jesus and the Apostle Paul in Romans of course :).
Pink and his wife put together a magazine in the early 1900's called Studies in The Scriptures. His writings are what he's most known for. Pink was a kind of prophet in his day. I don't mean this in the foretelling sense, but in the heart and influence of a prophet. Prophets in Scripture are usually a nuisance. 2 Chron. 18:6-7 says, "But Jehoshaphat said, “Is there not yet a prophet of the LORD here that we may inquire of him?” 7 The king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, “There is yet one man by whom we may inquire of the LORD, but I hate him, for he never prophesies good concerning me but always evil. He is Micaiah, son of Imla.” The story tells that the king of Israel assembled prophets... and all of them gave him good news. But the king thought they might just be telling him what he wanted to hear so he sent for Micaiah. The king knew he'd get a straight answer from the unbiased prophet but it may not be the answer he wanted... and it certainly wasn't. A prophet is one who stands out among the crowd and is willing to speak the truth in the face of opposition, possible ruffled feathers, and even death. A prophet is loud on the things that are wrong to shake people from their complacency and couch potato "go with the flow" lifestyles. God uses them I believe to be the shakers and movers in our society. The things Pink often wrote and the boldness he displayed... I believe places him in the category of a prophet. Interestingly enough, his biography says he knew this about himself. I must admit I've thought the same about myself personally at times. Is this pride? It could be... humility and calling are often in need of balance.
I also identify with Pink in that he was an introvert. Now, as I read it occurs to me that Pink was much more one than I. It's said in his later years that he put aside his efforts for public or pastoral ministry and focused solely on his writing. He even informed his subscribers that he would not see visitors at his home anymore. It's interesting to me that as I've studied introverts (informally mind you) they tend to be so deep and firm in their convictions. Often the best way for them to vent or release themselves is in a format where response or interaction isn't encouraged. They are vocal as they write or as they speak and preach publicly but in person they look at the floor and have trouble knowing what to do with their hands. I'm reminded of Dr. Tony Evans who preaches with such passion and conviction and yet has asked people not to approach him in person after the sermon because he's an introvert. Before salvation it's said Pink was a member of an unbiblical kind of cult called The Theosophy Society. He actually rose to leadership in this cult and spoke often at their meetings. A day came when his father quoted Proverbs 14:12 to him evangelistically, "There is a way which seems right to a man, but the end thereof is the way of death." This verse sent him into isolation in his room for the rest of the week without food. In that room the Lord got ahold of his heart and saved him. He left that Friday night to walk into the Theosophy meeting to speak... and he preached the gospel to that cult. I love that! He had no trouble making the truth known.
The book doesn't reveal much about the relationship between Pink and his wife before marriage and how it all came together. But I was encouraged by her. She supported him in all his endeavors as best the book could tell. They moved all over the world... back and forth in and out of the U.S., England, Scotland. She helped him in publication of his magazine and even finished up what was left after his death just as he asked her to.
The author titles the book "Born to Write." He does this because he believes Pink's true calling was to write and he shows that Pink himself eventually came to this conclusion himself. Pink tried often to maintain public ministry. He pastored several churches. One organization kicked him out because they thought he was too Arminian and another because they thought he was too Calvinistic. He tried holding a small group or so outside of the local church but attendance dwindled. He once had a thriving conference speaking ministry (which is also preferred by introverts... you can say what you feel needs to be said and get on an airplane to let someone else handle the aftermath.) But all of it kept failing. He often expressed continued discouragement in the fact that nothing seemed to be working out for him in ministry. Even his magazine suffered a decline in readers as they sometimes would drop 100-200 names from the list in a given year. Arthur, I'm young but I feel ya there in a way. There was often still a ray of hope in Pink as he often kept trying to serve God's people in person. It seemed however that God knew his impact would primarily be to that flock around the world who received his magazine and the Bible teaching he believed his age of Christianity so desperately needed.
Also as I read however, I was pleased the author didn't gloss over Pink's faults much. The only time I thought he might have been was when the author spoke of his formal Bible training. I was surprised to hear that Pink actually attended Moody Bible Institute. It was only for part of a summer session however. The author believes he may have left Moody because he was self-taught and possibly because his individualistic spirit resisted authority (surely someone like this is the making of an itinerant minister). The author spends much time quoting Pink and describing his thorough discipline of reading and Bible study. It's not entirely clear in the end why Pink left, but Pink does say, "One does not have to enter a seminary or Bible Institute and take a course in Christian Apologetics in order to obtain assurance that the Bible is inspired, or in order to learn how to interpret it." Having been to Bible college and to Moody specifically, though some things I did already know walking in... there is much that I learned, much that guarded me from mishandling such sacred Words of God and from misleading the people of God. If Pink really did leave Moody because he was confident in his own ability without the benefit of the study of others, he set himself up for potential problems in teaching and preaching. This would have certainly been a decision of conceit and pride and in this we must be honest.
It's also worth noting that in his later years Pink actually grew to a point where he told his readers to leave their churches. His boldness turned to tactless criticism. He grew increasingly weary of the state of the local church in the world at his time. I wonder what he'd think about churches today doing things like having dirt bike riders jump ramps behind the pastor as he preaches and other antics. Pink would even reject speaking engagements at many churches because for one reason or another he felt they were wrong. The author says, "Though he knew absolutely nothing about the church, he declined the invitation, as he concluded that it was probably no better or worse than thousands of others." He eventually said this about local churches, "Far better to worship Him Scripturally in the seclusion of our own homes, than fellowship the abominable mockery that is now going on in almost all the so-called 'churches'." On Heb. 10:25 he says, "[This verse] is very far from meaning the sheep of Christ should attend a place where the goats predominate, or where their presence would sanction what is dishonoring to their Master." On this issue I'm reminded of a man I used to go witnessing with. Our little group of evangelists were the only family of God he had. It was as if we were the remnant of what was left of biblical Christianity in his eyes. He often talked of how corrupt the church was today. He would tell me of how he repeatedly listened to certain sermons over and over again because the preachers who spoke the truth were so rare. I was myself searching for a church at the time and would pass the info of churches I'd visited onto him to check out, though I think my recommendations fell on deaf ears. He lost hope in the local church. He displayed an attitude that was really identical to Pink.
This is common today too. We tend to often think our own church is one of the few is not the only biblical church left on the planet. I agree that solid meaty Bible teaching is rare these days. I agree that gimmicks and pop culture are driving so many churches. I also agree that a day may come when the only option is to form house churches, but I don't think we're there yet. To be there is to be under government oppression. Some countries are already there... worshiping and fellowshiping in secret. Pink, my friend, and the rest of us need to recognize that the local church is full of people... and people are NUTS. They don't know what to think, feel, how to live, what to believe, etc. They are sheep and sheep don't need to be abandoned by capable shepherds... they need to be led by them. A capable shepherd endures the problems of people and comes alongside them as Christ would. beyond this, we must be careful how we talk about the "church." The church is not a group of people who enter a building. The church is those who are God's real children. The church itself has problems and yet they beloved of a God who does not abandon them, but disciplines, guides, and loves them. Should we not imitate our Lord and do the same?
Pink's last words were "The Scriptures explain themselves."
AS I look on the life of A.W. Pink as given to me by this one biographer, I am encouraged in so many ways. I'm encouraged that this man with the heart of a prophet had a ministry that outlasted him and still lives today bringing the bold conviction in our day that was also needed in his. I'm encouraged by his wife who stood by him and uprooted herself so many times to go wherever her husband believed God was leading them. She trusted him. I'm encouraged that an introvert was so used of God and though he was an introvert he did not die a lonely man, for he not only had his wife but he had his Lord. In his final days he spent much of his time in great joy that he would soon be with God and also spent his time encouraging his wife to trust God as she also knew his time was coming soon. When the Lord grants me a wife... if He would have me to come home before she, I would hope my time could also be spent in expectation of seeing His face and encouraging my wife to trust Him as I left her. I live under the conviction that a godly husband must be willing and able to be strong for himself and his wife in hard times. May no woman marry a man who cannot be this. I look at Pink's ministry and I wonder what God has for me. I honestly can't say I'd be content writing for the rest of my life. I GREATLY enjoy writing and don't do it often enough, but I love people so much. There is a part of me that if I were made to choose... I'd prefer 1-2-1 discipleship ministry over public preaching and writing. There's equally another part of me which LOVES to see the people of God grow and to be part of that. Perhaps the Lord will open and close doors to direct my path in a way other than I hope or would expect.. as he did with Pink. Though today I often look up at Him in tears waiting for my time to come, I'm excited that I know He would not have saved me, this man who was a God-hating Atheist... He would not have brought me to Bible college and helped me to graduate debt free... He would not have given me the joy of seeing His people grow and be blessed by my ministry... without having plans for me.
Lord, where are You taking me? How and when are you taking me? Sigh. My birthday is coming soon God. I have a few gifts in mind. Are you ready to give them? Am I ready to receive them? Are the gifts in my mind different than the ones in Yours? If so... so be it. I praise You now and I praise You then. Not my will be done, but Yours.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
The hardest part is not knowing… some would argue. But not knowing combined with but closed doors is much harder. I’ve had such mixed emotions lately… some of them more human than biblical. I feel like hope has been drained from me. A friend said I have hope in Jesus Christ, but clichés and truths I know perhaps too well aren’t much help to me lately. I have nothing tangible in front of me to cling to. Maybe I’m walking by sight and not by faith. I’ve spent hours searching for the church where God would have me to serve. Yet… I continue to be shut down. Another candidate seems to always be more qualified or a “better fit” or more what they’re looking for. Is it because I'm young, unmarried, and too far away geographically? Probably to some degree. Lord, if only you would have started your ministry in your 20's... THEN I'd have something to point to in Scripture!!! lol A friend is urging me to look more in Texas (there's a fairly large Baptist Church nearby that just lost their pastor to an unexpected death), but… I still don’t want to be in this state. Maybe God’s plan is different than mine. I was really looking forward to New York and more of a country life. A part of me missed it while I was there. It felt like I’d been in a cage for the longest time and was able to experience freedom for a few days. It reminded me of my days living near Azle, TX in 5th grade. Well, maybe that’s not His plan either. Maybe. I got to preach at church this past Sunday and many people seemed to benefit and thanked me afterward. In fact I got an email from a woman at church just today that said in part, "I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed, was taught, and edified by your message on Sunday. You are obviously gifted in the area of teaching. Your timing and enunciation were excellent and I noticed that everyone paid very close attention to you."
God, if I’m doing something right… why am I still not allowed to pursue what you’ve called me to? I just don’t understand. I know who I am in Christ and where God has brought me. A friend who lives nearby has often reminded me of who I used to be. We grew up together. He saw the way I was raised and the way I rebelled against God with my lifestyle. Maybe I’ve forgotten. It’s encouraging in a way… but discouraging also. God, if you’ve made me this man I am… why am I not allowed yet to be that man for the purpose which you’ve made me? The only conclusion I see is that while I feel ready… Maybe God’s not. Maybe He’s still got lessons for me to learn before the time comes. Or maybe He’s still preparing the people and the place for me to serve. Maybe they’re not ready yet. Maybe… my wife is also not ready yet so God hasn’t sent her to me. I’m sick and tired of “maybe.”
I still find myself checking my phone for her text messages when I wake up, when I lay down, throughout the day, at work. But… it’s always followed by the reminder that I won’t be getting a text message, not like before. It’s not easy you know? Since graduation I’ve received 4 or 5 wedding invitations from friends I went to college with... all of them younger than me. I’ve seen wedding photos on facebook, statuses, updates, engagements, honeymoon plans, rings. I still look up with tears. God, I want to do it right but I don’t know how many more times I can go through “a process to see if.” So many people have tried their hand at consolation lately. Their motives are good, but their help is sadly not helpful. To say it will never work out, that it’s over, that it’s done… is just as presumptuous as for me to say it will work out, to hold out hope, to continue pursuing, to presume a future that may never happen. It never ceases to amaze me the number of opinions people have. There are always stories of how God has worked that line up with those opinions and stories that run completely contrary to those opinions. I find myself frustrated at how quickly God is forgotten in all the speculation. It’s not ultimately a matter of what should or shouldn’t be done, but rather… it’s a matter of what God wants done. His opinions win the day. The unknown element in all the stories, all the perspectives, all the philosophies, all the books written, all the preferences and strategies… is God Himself. Yet so few are those who will say the answer isn’t in giving up or holding on. The answer is in trusting God, thanking God for what He’s now doing though we don’t understand it, singing praise to Him Who’s ways are not our ways. The answer is the sovereign One who orders our steps, who steers and directs, who opens and closes doors, who pushes play and stop and even pause, who tells the hands of the clock when to move. HE is the answer. To focus on Him and to be with Him is the hope we’ve had since the beginning and the hope we’ll have despite what our life “plans” look like. The answer is to point ourselves to the Lord and let all else fade away.
Though I hurt He has granted me a unique strength at this time, a faithful reminder that I only really need Him, I’ve only ever needed Him. So I take a deep breath and press on toward what it’s in front of me. I spent much time in prayer recently about what steps I’ll take. The church in IN seems to be a closed door. Soon I will begin looking for secular work here in TX that can allow me move out and begin a life of my own. All I’m getting are closed doors and until one opens I need to just move forward and see where God takes me. And as to romance? I still need to heal. I'm not in a place to pursue anyone right now. If someone comes along and I think God may be doing it, I'll deal with that then. As for now, I need time.
“Sigh, Lord God I know your plans are best, but what are your plans??!! Only You know. Lord help me to persevere in You. Even perseverance is increasingly tiresome God. I’m so weary. Lord, help me trust You in the unknown. Help me to take steps of faith because that’s often where You are. Lord, just help me…”
God, if I’m doing something right… why am I still not allowed to pursue what you’ve called me to? I just don’t understand. I know who I am in Christ and where God has brought me. A friend who lives nearby has often reminded me of who I used to be. We grew up together. He saw the way I was raised and the way I rebelled against God with my lifestyle. Maybe I’ve forgotten. It’s encouraging in a way… but discouraging also. God, if you’ve made me this man I am… why am I not allowed yet to be that man for the purpose which you’ve made me? The only conclusion I see is that while I feel ready… Maybe God’s not. Maybe He’s still got lessons for me to learn before the time comes. Or maybe He’s still preparing the people and the place for me to serve. Maybe they’re not ready yet. Maybe… my wife is also not ready yet so God hasn’t sent her to me. I’m sick and tired of “maybe.”
I still find myself checking my phone for her text messages when I wake up, when I lay down, throughout the day, at work. But… it’s always followed by the reminder that I won’t be getting a text message, not like before. It’s not easy you know? Since graduation I’ve received 4 or 5 wedding invitations from friends I went to college with... all of them younger than me. I’ve seen wedding photos on facebook, statuses, updates, engagements, honeymoon plans, rings. I still look up with tears. God, I want to do it right but I don’t know how many more times I can go through “a process to see if.” So many people have tried their hand at consolation lately. Their motives are good, but their help is sadly not helpful. To say it will never work out, that it’s over, that it’s done… is just as presumptuous as for me to say it will work out, to hold out hope, to continue pursuing, to presume a future that may never happen. It never ceases to amaze me the number of opinions people have. There are always stories of how God has worked that line up with those opinions and stories that run completely contrary to those opinions. I find myself frustrated at how quickly God is forgotten in all the speculation. It’s not ultimately a matter of what should or shouldn’t be done, but rather… it’s a matter of what God wants done. His opinions win the day. The unknown element in all the stories, all the perspectives, all the philosophies, all the books written, all the preferences and strategies… is God Himself. Yet so few are those who will say the answer isn’t in giving up or holding on. The answer is in trusting God, thanking God for what He’s now doing though we don’t understand it, singing praise to Him Who’s ways are not our ways. The answer is the sovereign One who orders our steps, who steers and directs, who opens and closes doors, who pushes play and stop and even pause, who tells the hands of the clock when to move. HE is the answer. To focus on Him and to be with Him is the hope we’ve had since the beginning and the hope we’ll have despite what our life “plans” look like. The answer is to point ourselves to the Lord and let all else fade away.
Though I hurt He has granted me a unique strength at this time, a faithful reminder that I only really need Him, I’ve only ever needed Him. So I take a deep breath and press on toward what it’s in front of me. I spent much time in prayer recently about what steps I’ll take. The church in IN seems to be a closed door. Soon I will begin looking for secular work here in TX that can allow me move out and begin a life of my own. All I’m getting are closed doors and until one opens I need to just move forward and see where God takes me. And as to romance? I still need to heal. I'm not in a place to pursue anyone right now. If someone comes along and I think God may be doing it, I'll deal with that then. As for now, I need time.
“Sigh, Lord God I know your plans are best, but what are your plans??!! Only You know. Lord help me to persevere in You. Even perseverance is increasingly tiresome God. I’m so weary. Lord, help me trust You in the unknown. Help me to take steps of faith because that’s often where You are. Lord, just help me…”
Friday, July 22, 2011
Under the Sunset with Hannah... God, Did I Really Deserve This? Nope!
At the gym the other day I was listening to John Waller’s song, “While I’m Waiting.” It’s a song that has been very special to me in the past year or two as I wondered when God would bring me a godly woman. But now I listen to it in a new season of waiting. Though we aren’t married, He has still provided a wonderful woman. I don’t know the future, but God does and… I’m hopeful… that He has a future for Hannah and I. Now I listen to John Waller’s song wondering when all of the pieces of my life will come together. I’m not getting any younger last I checked, but I’m trying to do what I can to enjoy life and pursue what He has next for me.
At work recently as I was putting out strawberries I noticed the employees in the meat market behind me laughing and enjoying themselves. You see in the meat market at night there’s not much work to do. In fact as best I could see from the few experiences working there, it was at least 75% less work and stress than Produce. It’s easier on the body… that’s why I was trying to transfer into that department. I watched the guy who seems to have filled the spot I was going for. “That could have been me” I thought. It was frustrating. But it wasn’t just this time that weighed on my mind. I’ve had so many other closed doors lately… I’ve tried to train in Starbucks at work to do something new and maybe pull me away from Produce, but they weren’t able to pay training hours for someone who was already an employee. I’ve worked a couple nights in Bakery I applied for a Call Center position with a Christian video producing company where my best friend works… paid over $9 in tolls for the interview… and still didn’t get the job. I was flown all the way to NM to interview for a Senior pastorate and that door closed (I’m thankful and yet frustrated about that one).
As I continued to press on that night I remembered that God sent His Son into the world at “just the right time” Scripture says. Somehow as that came to mind it was a gentle reminder that God’s timing is the best timing and His provision is worth waiting for. Through all this I was thinking that all of it means God has something better for me. It’s not easy to press on doing the same old thing you’ve been doing for years knowing it’s not the thing you’re called to do. Then again… you realize that if God is sovereign it MUST be the thing you’re called to be doing RIGHT NOW. It’s hard to wait for His plan to unfold. We’re always in a season of waiting, aren’t we? Seemingly never content… always looking for what’s next, what’s better, the blessing around the corner. Lord, how can I enjoy what you’ve given me today? Grant me the perseverance, energy, and strength I need to trust in You for the big picture and lay today’s details at your feet.
I recently returned from Skaneateles, NY from 6 days with Hannah and her family. It couldn’t have gone better. I tell people it went like a fairytale, a storybook, or a movie. We got to talk about the relationship, discuss things we were noticing about how we interacted with each other in full honesty, talk more about physical boundaries as it became appropriate, and so much else. I did some target practice and got a refresher about how to use a gun with her dad. I got to talk with her brother a bit about teaching the Bible and hopefully give him some helpful thoughts as he has to teach for a college age ministry soon. I went for a walk with her dad in the woods surrounding their 38 acres of land. Hannah and I helped pick blueberries together. I helped the family stack wood as her dad use a wood splitter to cut the logs smaller. I got to see baby pictures of Hannah, her brother, and sister. I watched some home video and saw her in her gymnastics days. I went to church with her and met her pastor and some of the young girls who she’s told about us. She really has a heart for discipling those girls. I got to go with her family to the church where she grew up and meet her accountability partner there. I came with her to work 2 days and met her co-workers while during the day staying at a coffee shop nearby with my laptop. I got to visit with the Produce managers at Wal Mart and Wegman’s near her work as I considered work opportunities if I move up there. I got to have lunch with her on those days in a grassy area at her community college. She showed me around some of the major towns and places where she worked. We got to go running together twice (that was really special). I remember before the first time we had coffee to talk about the possibility of a relationship that before we even sat down she asked if I ever went running and I told her no because my feet are bad… yet, there we were… running together right near her house… 7 states away from my house. I got to see her in the morning when she was a sleepy zombie, during the day when she was all fixed up for work, and at night when she was in comfy clothes. I got to have breakfast with her family nearly if not every morning I was there… sharing coffee with her dad before anyone else woke up. I got to meet her aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandma. We went to her grandma’s house and she showed me around and shared memories from growing up. Her dad grew up in that house. I got to play with her big golden retriever named Pippin… whose favorite activities were jumping on people and gnawing on their arms (it was actually pretty fun to play with him). We watched part of a chick flick on the last day I was there… not too shabby. She cooked me breakfast once!! I was SO blessed by that. I got to have dinner with her family and grandma once. Her grandma’s house is on the lake and on Saturday afternoon we went there for a swim. I can’t swim so I was loaded up with a life jacket and a big floating donut as she pulled me along to the raft. I was a little embarrassed about that… need to learn to swim. I even got to ride in the boat to watch her dad do some water skiing and her do some wake boarding. Also… her grandma made some amazing blueberry cake!!! We also got to sit together on a park bench in the shade watching the boats drive by.
Through all that though… there were 3 moments we shared that were so special to me;
1.As we were at the park she told me of the time she was a bridesmaid at a wedding there. Then we walked up to the end of a wedding ceremony and watched it just as he kissed the bride. As we walked though we found ourselves walking along the railing of a pier. She said it was the same place where a picture was taken of her. That picture showed her in an adorable dress as she was looking toward the water leaning on the railing. It was the same picture she had up on facebook as her profile pic during most the time we were at Moody that last semester. I would look at that picture often wondering what she was thinking. Was she wondering when God would bring her a man to share life with? It was taken while she was at a wedding after all. Then I thought, “Man, the guy who gets that girl will be SO blessed.” I wished I could have walked into the picture to be the man she was waiting for… but thought, “she’s SO out of my league.” I looked at that picture a lot wondering if anything would happen between us. It was the picture I was hoping to see come up on facebook chat. If it didn’t come up, I went back to my homework. I shared this with her as we walked and I said we needed to take a picture or two of us both by that railing… so we did. :)
2.We’ve talked about what it would be like to cook together. She asked once if I’d ever had a Raspberry pie. Here in the South where Raspberries cost nearly $5 for a 6 oz. pkg I’d never heard of a Raspberry pie. We decided to make one together. We also made a Blueberry pie from fresh blueberries picked from her backyard. I can’t tell you how much fun it was to make the dough from scratch (though we messed it up a bit… wonder why we were so distracted??!?! Hmm…). I got to smear a little flower on her cheek… it was so much fun.
3.But maybe the best part of the trip was Sunday afternoon when we had the boat all to ourselves. We took it across the lake. She showed me how to drive it and I drove prolly half the time. It would have been a beautiful picture to take if my phone was working… her hair blowing in the wind as she drove the boat or as one of us drove while the other stood with arm around the driver. We docked near a little area with shops to have dinner at Doug’s Fish Fry where she used to work. Taking the boat back we stopped in the middle of the lake and turned the engine off to have a time of prayer. It JUST SO HAPPENED that as we stopped and sat up front that the sun was beginning to set. I put my arm around her as we shared prayer requests and went before the Lord in prayer. I couldn’t have planned a better last night together myself. Praise God for orchestrating that.
I continue to look toward the future and prayerfully trust the God who has done so much already. I’ve put up my resume on a few websites looking for ministry positions. I’ve put up an ad on craigslist for general work in Hannah’s area. Lord willing, I plan to move toward living up in NY to share life with Hannah for a while and see what God may have next for us. Haven’t had much legitimate response to the ad yet, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m in communication with a church in Crawfordsville, IN about an opening for Senior Pastor. It’s the first church I’ve really exchanged emails with since the one in NM.
“Lord, I trust You. Take as long as You need to… because I know You will anyway, haha. Help me to continue worshipping you, being faithful, sharing Your gospel, serving at church, and growing with Hannah until Your plans unfold. Help me to bring balance and discipline to my life in these areas that I may honor You to my fullest capacity, for that is what I wish to do above all else. Direct me, lead me, that I may know it must be from You and not from me. In all these things and the thigns I’m yet to face… not my will, not Hannah’s will… but Your will be done. In the name of Your Son, Amen.”
At work recently as I was putting out strawberries I noticed the employees in the meat market behind me laughing and enjoying themselves. You see in the meat market at night there’s not much work to do. In fact as best I could see from the few experiences working there, it was at least 75% less work and stress than Produce. It’s easier on the body… that’s why I was trying to transfer into that department. I watched the guy who seems to have filled the spot I was going for. “That could have been me” I thought. It was frustrating. But it wasn’t just this time that weighed on my mind. I’ve had so many other closed doors lately… I’ve tried to train in Starbucks at work to do something new and maybe pull me away from Produce, but they weren’t able to pay training hours for someone who was already an employee. I’ve worked a couple nights in Bakery I applied for a Call Center position with a Christian video producing company where my best friend works… paid over $9 in tolls for the interview… and still didn’t get the job. I was flown all the way to NM to interview for a Senior pastorate and that door closed (I’m thankful and yet frustrated about that one).
As I continued to press on that night I remembered that God sent His Son into the world at “just the right time” Scripture says. Somehow as that came to mind it was a gentle reminder that God’s timing is the best timing and His provision is worth waiting for. Through all this I was thinking that all of it means God has something better for me. It’s not easy to press on doing the same old thing you’ve been doing for years knowing it’s not the thing you’re called to do. Then again… you realize that if God is sovereign it MUST be the thing you’re called to be doing RIGHT NOW. It’s hard to wait for His plan to unfold. We’re always in a season of waiting, aren’t we? Seemingly never content… always looking for what’s next, what’s better, the blessing around the corner. Lord, how can I enjoy what you’ve given me today? Grant me the perseverance, energy, and strength I need to trust in You for the big picture and lay today’s details at your feet.
I recently returned from Skaneateles, NY from 6 days with Hannah and her family. It couldn’t have gone better. I tell people it went like a fairytale, a storybook, or a movie. We got to talk about the relationship, discuss things we were noticing about how we interacted with each other in full honesty, talk more about physical boundaries as it became appropriate, and so much else. I did some target practice and got a refresher about how to use a gun with her dad. I got to talk with her brother a bit about teaching the Bible and hopefully give him some helpful thoughts as he has to teach for a college age ministry soon. I went for a walk with her dad in the woods surrounding their 38 acres of land. Hannah and I helped pick blueberries together. I helped the family stack wood as her dad use a wood splitter to cut the logs smaller. I got to see baby pictures of Hannah, her brother, and sister. I watched some home video and saw her in her gymnastics days. I went to church with her and met her pastor and some of the young girls who she’s told about us. She really has a heart for discipling those girls. I got to go with her family to the church where she grew up and meet her accountability partner there. I came with her to work 2 days and met her co-workers while during the day staying at a coffee shop nearby with my laptop. I got to visit with the Produce managers at Wal Mart and Wegman’s near her work as I considered work opportunities if I move up there. I got to have lunch with her on those days in a grassy area at her community college. She showed me around some of the major towns and places where she worked. We got to go running together twice (that was really special). I remember before the first time we had coffee to talk about the possibility of a relationship that before we even sat down she asked if I ever went running and I told her no because my feet are bad… yet, there we were… running together right near her house… 7 states away from my house. I got to see her in the morning when she was a sleepy zombie, during the day when she was all fixed up for work, and at night when she was in comfy clothes. I got to have breakfast with her family nearly if not every morning I was there… sharing coffee with her dad before anyone else woke up. I got to meet her aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandma. We went to her grandma’s house and she showed me around and shared memories from growing up. Her dad grew up in that house. I got to play with her big golden retriever named Pippin… whose favorite activities were jumping on people and gnawing on their arms (it was actually pretty fun to play with him). We watched part of a chick flick on the last day I was there… not too shabby. She cooked me breakfast once!! I was SO blessed by that. I got to have dinner with her family and grandma once. Her grandma’s house is on the lake and on Saturday afternoon we went there for a swim. I can’t swim so I was loaded up with a life jacket and a big floating donut as she pulled me along to the raft. I was a little embarrassed about that… need to learn to swim. I even got to ride in the boat to watch her dad do some water skiing and her do some wake boarding. Also… her grandma made some amazing blueberry cake!!! We also got to sit together on a park bench in the shade watching the boats drive by.
Through all that though… there were 3 moments we shared that were so special to me;
1.As we were at the park she told me of the time she was a bridesmaid at a wedding there. Then we walked up to the end of a wedding ceremony and watched it just as he kissed the bride. As we walked though we found ourselves walking along the railing of a pier. She said it was the same place where a picture was taken of her. That picture showed her in an adorable dress as she was looking toward the water leaning on the railing. It was the same picture she had up on facebook as her profile pic during most the time we were at Moody that last semester. I would look at that picture often wondering what she was thinking. Was she wondering when God would bring her a man to share life with? It was taken while she was at a wedding after all. Then I thought, “Man, the guy who gets that girl will be SO blessed.” I wished I could have walked into the picture to be the man she was waiting for… but thought, “she’s SO out of my league.” I looked at that picture a lot wondering if anything would happen between us. It was the picture I was hoping to see come up on facebook chat. If it didn’t come up, I went back to my homework. I shared this with her as we walked and I said we needed to take a picture or two of us both by that railing… so we did. :)
2.We’ve talked about what it would be like to cook together. She asked once if I’d ever had a Raspberry pie. Here in the South where Raspberries cost nearly $5 for a 6 oz. pkg I’d never heard of a Raspberry pie. We decided to make one together. We also made a Blueberry pie from fresh blueberries picked from her backyard. I can’t tell you how much fun it was to make the dough from scratch (though we messed it up a bit… wonder why we were so distracted??!?! Hmm…). I got to smear a little flower on her cheek… it was so much fun.
3.But maybe the best part of the trip was Sunday afternoon when we had the boat all to ourselves. We took it across the lake. She showed me how to drive it and I drove prolly half the time. It would have been a beautiful picture to take if my phone was working… her hair blowing in the wind as she drove the boat or as one of us drove while the other stood with arm around the driver. We docked near a little area with shops to have dinner at Doug’s Fish Fry where she used to work. Taking the boat back we stopped in the middle of the lake and turned the engine off to have a time of prayer. It JUST SO HAPPENED that as we stopped and sat up front that the sun was beginning to set. I put my arm around her as we shared prayer requests and went before the Lord in prayer. I couldn’t have planned a better last night together myself. Praise God for orchestrating that.
I continue to look toward the future and prayerfully trust the God who has done so much already. I’ve put up my resume on a few websites looking for ministry positions. I’ve put up an ad on craigslist for general work in Hannah’s area. Lord willing, I plan to move toward living up in NY to share life with Hannah for a while and see what God may have next for us. Haven’t had much legitimate response to the ad yet, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m in communication with a church in Crawfordsville, IN about an opening for Senior Pastor. It’s the first church I’ve really exchanged emails with since the one in NM.
“Lord, I trust You. Take as long as You need to… because I know You will anyway, haha. Help me to continue worshipping you, being faithful, sharing Your gospel, serving at church, and growing with Hannah until Your plans unfold. Help me to bring balance and discipline to my life in these areas that I may honor You to my fullest capacity, for that is what I wish to do above all else. Direct me, lead me, that I may know it must be from You and not from me. In all these things and the thigns I’m yet to face… not my will, not Hannah’s will… but Your will be done. In the name of Your Son, Amen.”
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Musings Reflecting the Sovereignty of God
My Calvinism is apparent more and more these days. But maybe Calvinism is the wrong word... maybe the characteristic of God called "sovereignty" is better, yes... sovereignty.
While I don't have the time today to write about all that's happened in my life recently, I can't help but see the sovereignty of God so clearly in all of that. The Lord has brought me a wonderful woman in a way that defies logic, conservative Christian expectations, the dating culture, and my own imagination. It was her and I's final semester at Moody Bible Institute. She'd been away for a semester or two studying in Israel. We met at the Senior Retreat the beginning of that semester (during the time she was praying about another guy). Neither of us expected to develop real friendships with that Senior class. We were the 2010 class, not the 2011 class. We talked a bit over that weekend, went for a walk to the bonfire for S'mores with the rest of the group, and had cappuccino in the retreat cafeteria one night. It was dinner time and we talked to the point that everyone else had left the large cafeteria and it was quiet... except for us two talking. Covered a wide range of subjects in that conversation. I told her how much it bugged me that in our American dating culture when you have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex for 30 minutes or more... people throw up red flags and think you like them. Though as I said this... I admit that I felt like quite the hypocrite. For some reason I couldn't explain, I found myself thinking about her often after we returned to campus. When she told me God closed the door on the other guy, I began thinking about pursuing her. We talked on facebook a bit, exchanged numbers (with the help of my meddling roommate... to whom I am now thankful!), and began sitting together at Missions Conference a couple times. We went out for coffee a couple times to talk about the possibility of being more than friends. The whole time I'm shocked that all this happening (why is she responding to what I'm doing?! Girls don't do this!! They usually decide beforehand, don't they?! They don't give us an objective chance!!) We had coffee the first time and she told me no. I suggested a negotiation that brought us to coffee again. I didn't want her to slip away that easily! She said she'd think about it and a couple days later returned with another "no." Shortly after this we began studying together as friends a few days a week. She sat with my roommate and I in chapel and we hung out or talked nearly every day until the end of the semester. My head was spinning with "why," but was I going to refuse her company? Of course not! We talked about personality types. I helped her look through the doctrinal statement of a church she was thinking joining back home in NY. We talked about a cover letter she was writing to apply for a job back home after she graduated. There was even a day when I was sick and she knew I was sick and then she asked... "So you wouldn't want to go ice skating tonight then with my roommate and another guy from our brother floor?" Was I going to say no? I'd been ice skating once in my life, but did that matter? I did alright though... and her, her roommate, and I had coffee afterward. It was a memorable night.
My roommate and I walked her to the train at the end of the semester as we both finished our time at Moody, though there was no graduation ceremony for December graduates. It was a hard goodbye for me that night. Spent some time with the Lord in the Culby 2 prayer chapel. What was going on I wondered? Am I obsessed as some would probably label me? After all God had shown me in the past year or so at school... after how He helped me to finally purge the idolatry of romance... why was this so hard? After we each got home we soon continued talking again through text, email, or skype every day. Up until this point we had just grown to be good friends, but I was still thinking about her a lot. I then told her one day that I would need some space because it was getting hard for me. We didn't speak for 2 weeks and she was house sitting for her pastor during that time. She went back to God in prayer about me during that silence. When God helped me to accept the fact that it may not ever be more than friends, I reopened communication. Somewhere around this time she again said she didn't see us being together and essentially gave me another "no." From this point on she began really thinking about me a lot more. We continued talking regularly, skyping for 2-3 hours at a time, sometimes studying and discussing Scripture together.
It came to a point where I couldn't maintain so much communication if we were just friends. I still liked her a lot (and she was beginning to like me), but we were talking so much that we were saying good morning and goodnight and I just couldn't invest emotionally that much in 3 "no's.". She asked for a couple days to pray about the possibility of us again. She came back with another no (that made 4 no's) and asked for some space herself. We didn't talk for a week. We then exchanged some pretty honest emails and a phone call about how we felt, all that was going through our minds, and how things had been going. I encouraged and challenged her about a few things we'd talked about that she was wrestling with. She began wondering again if she was wrong about God showing her it was a No. This whole time her focus was on the will of God. What was God showing her and how was He leading her? She wrestled with things, but ultimately wanted God's will first. We both were praying for each other constantly through all of this and spoke freely about everything, yet she just wasn't sure if she was ready to agree to a relationship. I told her to take her time, not to be rushed into a decision or to feel she had to decide by May of this year when we would both return to Chicago for the formal graduation ceremony when we would see each other again and I'd meet her family.
It all culminated in one night shortly after that. We skyped for a couple hours and talked about Mr. Naaman the Leper. You see her pastor preached in this story in 2 Kings 5:1-14 recently. Naaman was asked to dip in the Jordan 7 times to cure his leprosy, but to him this was crazy and illogical. It also wasn't the way Naaman EXPECTED to be healed. God often works outside of our desires, preferences, and expectations doesn't He? And He also asks us to take steps of faith that seem illogical to the human mind doesn't He? She was wondering if God was asking the same of her when it came to being with me. We got offline, and at about 12:30 her time that night she called me to tell me she's done fighting God. She said He had been showing her all kinds of things that she hadn't told me about that pointed her to me and she couldn't ignore them any longer. She then told me yes and agreed to take the step into a relationship. I spoke to her father and he gave his blessing on the relationship, though it would be LONG distance. I continue to chat with her family and look forward to graduation a few weeks away from now.
Oh and did I mention that a church in Albuquerque, NM is flying me out next week to interview to be their Senior Pastor? They've narrowed their one year search down to myself and one other guy. We'll see what God does. I want His will more than anything else. God is good and I'm glad He's working all this because I've proven that if it's of me it will mess up every... single... time.
While I don't have the time today to write about all that's happened in my life recently, I can't help but see the sovereignty of God so clearly in all of that. The Lord has brought me a wonderful woman in a way that defies logic, conservative Christian expectations, the dating culture, and my own imagination. It was her and I's final semester at Moody Bible Institute. She'd been away for a semester or two studying in Israel. We met at the Senior Retreat the beginning of that semester (during the time she was praying about another guy). Neither of us expected to develop real friendships with that Senior class. We were the 2010 class, not the 2011 class. We talked a bit over that weekend, went for a walk to the bonfire for S'mores with the rest of the group, and had cappuccino in the retreat cafeteria one night. It was dinner time and we talked to the point that everyone else had left the large cafeteria and it was quiet... except for us two talking. Covered a wide range of subjects in that conversation. I told her how much it bugged me that in our American dating culture when you have a conversation with someone of the opposite sex for 30 minutes or more... people throw up red flags and think you like them. Though as I said this... I admit that I felt like quite the hypocrite. For some reason I couldn't explain, I found myself thinking about her often after we returned to campus. When she told me God closed the door on the other guy, I began thinking about pursuing her. We talked on facebook a bit, exchanged numbers (with the help of my meddling roommate... to whom I am now thankful!), and began sitting together at Missions Conference a couple times. We went out for coffee a couple times to talk about the possibility of being more than friends. The whole time I'm shocked that all this happening (why is she responding to what I'm doing?! Girls don't do this!! They usually decide beforehand, don't they?! They don't give us an objective chance!!) We had coffee the first time and she told me no. I suggested a negotiation that brought us to coffee again. I didn't want her to slip away that easily! She said she'd think about it and a couple days later returned with another "no." Shortly after this we began studying together as friends a few days a week. She sat with my roommate and I in chapel and we hung out or talked nearly every day until the end of the semester. My head was spinning with "why," but was I going to refuse her company? Of course not! We talked about personality types. I helped her look through the doctrinal statement of a church she was thinking joining back home in NY. We talked about a cover letter she was writing to apply for a job back home after she graduated. There was even a day when I was sick and she knew I was sick and then she asked... "So you wouldn't want to go ice skating tonight then with my roommate and another guy from our brother floor?" Was I going to say no? I'd been ice skating once in my life, but did that matter? I did alright though... and her, her roommate, and I had coffee afterward. It was a memorable night.
My roommate and I walked her to the train at the end of the semester as we both finished our time at Moody, though there was no graduation ceremony for December graduates. It was a hard goodbye for me that night. Spent some time with the Lord in the Culby 2 prayer chapel. What was going on I wondered? Am I obsessed as some would probably label me? After all God had shown me in the past year or so at school... after how He helped me to finally purge the idolatry of romance... why was this so hard? After we each got home we soon continued talking again through text, email, or skype every day. Up until this point we had just grown to be good friends, but I was still thinking about her a lot. I then told her one day that I would need some space because it was getting hard for me. We didn't speak for 2 weeks and she was house sitting for her pastor during that time. She went back to God in prayer about me during that silence. When God helped me to accept the fact that it may not ever be more than friends, I reopened communication. Somewhere around this time she again said she didn't see us being together and essentially gave me another "no." From this point on she began really thinking about me a lot more. We continued talking regularly, skyping for 2-3 hours at a time, sometimes studying and discussing Scripture together.
It came to a point where I couldn't maintain so much communication if we were just friends. I still liked her a lot (and she was beginning to like me), but we were talking so much that we were saying good morning and goodnight and I just couldn't invest emotionally that much in 3 "no's.". She asked for a couple days to pray about the possibility of us again. She came back with another no (that made 4 no's) and asked for some space herself. We didn't talk for a week. We then exchanged some pretty honest emails and a phone call about how we felt, all that was going through our minds, and how things had been going. I encouraged and challenged her about a few things we'd talked about that she was wrestling with. She began wondering again if she was wrong about God showing her it was a No. This whole time her focus was on the will of God. What was God showing her and how was He leading her? She wrestled with things, but ultimately wanted God's will first. We both were praying for each other constantly through all of this and spoke freely about everything, yet she just wasn't sure if she was ready to agree to a relationship. I told her to take her time, not to be rushed into a decision or to feel she had to decide by May of this year when we would both return to Chicago for the formal graduation ceremony when we would see each other again and I'd meet her family.
It all culminated in one night shortly after that. We skyped for a couple hours and talked about Mr. Naaman the Leper. You see her pastor preached in this story in 2 Kings 5:1-14 recently. Naaman was asked to dip in the Jordan 7 times to cure his leprosy, but to him this was crazy and illogical. It also wasn't the way Naaman EXPECTED to be healed. God often works outside of our desires, preferences, and expectations doesn't He? And He also asks us to take steps of faith that seem illogical to the human mind doesn't He? She was wondering if God was asking the same of her when it came to being with me. We got offline, and at about 12:30 her time that night she called me to tell me she's done fighting God. She said He had been showing her all kinds of things that she hadn't told me about that pointed her to me and she couldn't ignore them any longer. She then told me yes and agreed to take the step into a relationship. I spoke to her father and he gave his blessing on the relationship, though it would be LONG distance. I continue to chat with her family and look forward to graduation a few weeks away from now.
Oh and did I mention that a church in Albuquerque, NM is flying me out next week to interview to be their Senior Pastor? They've narrowed their one year search down to myself and one other guy. We'll see what God does. I want His will more than anything else. God is good and I'm glad He's working all this because I've proven that if it's of me it will mess up every... single... time.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
A Glimpse Into a Shepherd's Heart
I'm here after midnight studying in Psalm 6. Verse 7 says, "My eye wastes away because of grief; it grows weak because of all my foes." As I'm consulting the notes/commentary of Albert Barnes I'm reading along through each verse until I came to this one and on it he says the following...
"Even while I am writing this I am called in my pastoral visitations to attend on a young lady lying on a bed of languishing, and probably of death, one of whose symptoms is a quite diminished, and indeed almost total loss of vision, as the effect of trouble and disease."
As I read this I found myself in the shoes of Albert Barnes. I was sitting in my study writing a commentary about Psalm 6 (as I'm also doing now) and my study of Scripture brings to mind the people to whom I minister and who are in need of encouragement. I could picture myself walking into the hospital to see that young lady... who was soon to die without having lived a full life. What would I say to her? What COULD I say to her? Would opening my mouth do more harm than good?
Barnes wrote this tiny note into his commentary without fear of seeming unprofessional or not scholarly. He included it because the Lord laid it on his heart and it wasn't edited out later. It is truly a pastor's heart to be studying the Word and immediately to relate it to those in need. It's SO the heart of a shepherd to think of his people during his study. Yes he has to think of them to prepare a sermon, but by his very calling he simply can't help it... at any stage of preparation. He's always thinking of how the Word will come to bear on those who need It. We tend to read commentaries forgetting there are real people behind them who are in the middle of real ministry as they write them. It makes me wonder what else were pastors going through as they penned the words of a commentary. How did God use what they were studying at that time in their own personal ministries? I don't know much about Albert Barnes. I just use his notes because E-Sword provides them to me for free. But I do know that he has taught me something tonight about the heart of a shepherd.
"Even while I am writing this I am called in my pastoral visitations to attend on a young lady lying on a bed of languishing, and probably of death, one of whose symptoms is a quite diminished, and indeed almost total loss of vision, as the effect of trouble and disease."
As I read this I found myself in the shoes of Albert Barnes. I was sitting in my study writing a commentary about Psalm 6 (as I'm also doing now) and my study of Scripture brings to mind the people to whom I minister and who are in need of encouragement. I could picture myself walking into the hospital to see that young lady... who was soon to die without having lived a full life. What would I say to her? What COULD I say to her? Would opening my mouth do more harm than good?
Barnes wrote this tiny note into his commentary without fear of seeming unprofessional or not scholarly. He included it because the Lord laid it on his heart and it wasn't edited out later. It is truly a pastor's heart to be studying the Word and immediately to relate it to those in need. It's SO the heart of a shepherd to think of his people during his study. Yes he has to think of them to prepare a sermon, but by his very calling he simply can't help it... at any stage of preparation. He's always thinking of how the Word will come to bear on those who need It. We tend to read commentaries forgetting there are real people behind them who are in the middle of real ministry as they write them. It makes me wonder what else were pastors going through as they penned the words of a commentary. How did God use what they were studying at that time in their own personal ministries? I don't know much about Albert Barnes. I just use his notes because E-Sword provides them to me for free. But I do know that he has taught me something tonight about the heart of a shepherd.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Lately
“I’ve been wonderin bout the road ahead of me, wonderin bout the things you said to me, wonderin if these dreams will ever do… and I’m wonderin bout the way I spend my days, wonderin if it’s even worth the chase, wonderin if they’re stealin me from you…”
-Wonderin’ By Toby Mac
I have a handful of hours before work tonight. I was able to get a few extra hours this week. I'm somewhat thankful for that. I've really enjoyed working part time since I've been home from school. My dad is gracious enough not to charge me rent, though I think he's just a pushover. Partly for that reason, partly for my testimony in the home, and partly because of my work ethic I've decided to enlist my sister to help me clean the house once a month. For some time my dad has been the only one cleaning anything. His "girlfriend" is pretty much bed-ridden due to some kind of disability. Part of me wonders how much of it is real, though she seems to keep getting doctor's appointments and the doctors say she's got some validity. I just remember when she first got here and was helping out with household chores pretty well when now she just lays in bed, smokes 2 packs of a cigarettes a day, and has occasionally sold pain killers to her friend and (I think) some neighborhood kids. I suspected it for a bit and when I found out it was true I asked her to get off the phone for a minute so we could talk. Told her if I found out about it again that I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. I won't live in a house with a drug dealer. I don't play around with that stuff. She was almost talking over me to say she wouldn't do it anymore. We'll see. So we had our first cleaning earlier this month because of the shorter February. We'll do it again soon. We vacuumed the house, mopped the kitchen floors, cleaned the microwave, did the dishes, cleaned the bathrooms, and dusted the house. The bigger jobs will be to clean the giant black stains out of the carpet, clean the major bedroom, and clean the garage. I'm gonna try to tackle the carpet stains a couple at a time.
As I've started cleaning and thinking more about my car maintenance, I've been transitioning into taking life a little slower. Before when I just came home from school for breaks I barely had time for slowing down. I just worked as much as I possibly could, I ate everything microwaved unless dinner was cooked for me, didn't work out at all, did almost no ministry, did little more than dishes and trash around the house, and didn't pay much attention to my car unless it was summer. Now I help my dad with car insurance and pay for my own monthly cell phone plan. I've so enjoyed taking on these household and financial responsibilities because it feels more like I'm living on my own. I still don't spend much time with my dad really though. We've almost always had kind of a working relationship. I don't think he ever really knew how to express love to us. He didn't understand how to express kindness or encouragement. He's just provided financially and for us to live. We kinda have our own lives in the house, except for my sister and I of course. We stay pretty close. As I begin to slow down more and am working less though I find myself really appreciating just enjoying life. It also further confirms that I could never work in the retail grocery business as my career. I don't freak out and scramble anymore when they tell me some big manager might be coming by. I just do my job and stay aware of what they would look for. There's no need for the unnecessary stress. Those managers are trained to find problems to be fixed when they walk in. We'll never be perfect in their eyes so why kill myself trying to be?
I've also been working out pretty regularly. I shoot for 4 days a week, but it's often more. I never thought I'd enjoy running as much as I do. I have an app. on my phone that tracks my distance, time, and speed. I bought a new mp3 player with tax return money and an arm band that fits it perfectly. I've also enjoyed serving at church. The pastor has asked me to teach a men's discipleship group. We've been learning how to study the Bible. I've really had a burden to bring the Bible college education to the lay people. I don't want to dumb it down too much like so many churches do. I believe if you raise the bar for learning, that many will rise to the expectations. This is especially true for the real dedicated ones and the ones who don't know they're dedicated yet. I think God brings those diamonds out of the rough at just the right time. Those are the ones who have great leadership potential. I want to cultivate and develop those people so the church can grow in Christ-likeness and God can be glorified by their service. If I'm gonna put the cookies on the bottom shelf... I want them to be REALLY GOOD cookies. So we're nearing the end of the group. We only have a few more weeks left. We've looked at observation principles and spent significant time thinking through Psalm 1. We’re now looking at Interpretation principles. I’m gonna expose them to commentaries and other secondary resources then teach them how to do a Word study. After that we’ll look at principles for application. It’s been so cool to spend more time with the guys, though I really should stay after more to talk instead of rushing home. Need to try harder to remember names. Need to initiate conversation more. Need to greet different people on Sunday mornings. Need to meet more people for coffee. Lord, help me to do these things because when I’m a pastor I won’t have as many options. I won’t have the luxury of ducking out or taking my own time whenever I want. I’ll need to be more of a shepherd. I get to preach soon too. It’s currently scheduled for March 13th, but it may be pushed to the following Sunday. I’ve chosen to preach on Psalm 6. God hears our honest prayers and receives them in our times of pain. May God use it in our church to His glory and their encouragement.
I continue to think often about when God will bring the woman He has for me. I continue praying for my sisters each week and reading Proverbs 31 to God as a prayer that He will, in His grace, bring a woman like that to me. Through all that happened in my last semester at Moody and even afterward I can say what I’d like to happen, but I can’t presume to say what will happen. It’s been an interesting time for me. Exciting and frustrating at the same time. Full of suspense and yet confusion. Maybe that’s a good place to be. Maybe God gets the most glory when we don’t know when or where He’ll move next. I’m thankful though my desire for marriage and family is strong and my loneliness nags at me sometimes that God has continued to sustain me as He did during that last semester with my mom. He’s granted a real joy and endurance to continue working out, studying Scripture, and living life. I’m more content than I’ve ever been and yet my desire is as strong as it’s ever been. I keep looking up and asking, “Lord, what are you doing in my life? And Lord… why is it taking so long!!?!?” It’s not easy to make sure your head and your heart are on speaking terms. I’ve realized more than ever though that I can’t let this dominate my thinking. I can’t presume to know what God is working and what He isn’t. If nothing else that’s been the clearest to me lately. The time will come when He wants it to and how He wants it to and with who He wants it to. I just need to keep my eyes open as I live the life He’s given me to live TODAY and not tomorrow. I can no longer burden myself with what could be when it isn’t. I can no longer invest myself in What if. It’s just not worth the heartache if there’s nothing more I can do.
“Lord, protect my heart. Help me to trust you more than ever before. Help me to continue spending time with You because regardless of who comes into my life, regardless of even after marriage… You will always be my constant source of strength. You will always be my refuge. When my future wife displays her humanity in all its imperfect glory… You will remain perfect and be the One to grant me the strength to love her still. When my future ministry bears upon me and it doesn’t feel like I’m doing what You’ve called me to and the joy is almost gone… You’ll be there to carry me. When I’m living the life I’ve wanted for so long and it all feels like it’s gonna fall over on me… You’ll remind me that the grass is never greener on the side, No, You’ll remind me that YOU are and always have been my only Hope. Lord draw me near to You in this season of life and help me to do all You have for me to do right now… and do it faithfully.”
-Wonderin’ By Toby Mac
I have a handful of hours before work tonight. I was able to get a few extra hours this week. I'm somewhat thankful for that. I've really enjoyed working part time since I've been home from school. My dad is gracious enough not to charge me rent, though I think he's just a pushover. Partly for that reason, partly for my testimony in the home, and partly because of my work ethic I've decided to enlist my sister to help me clean the house once a month. For some time my dad has been the only one cleaning anything. His "girlfriend" is pretty much bed-ridden due to some kind of disability. Part of me wonders how much of it is real, though she seems to keep getting doctor's appointments and the doctors say she's got some validity. I just remember when she first got here and was helping out with household chores pretty well when now she just lays in bed, smokes 2 packs of a cigarettes a day, and has occasionally sold pain killers to her friend and (I think) some neighborhood kids. I suspected it for a bit and when I found out it was true I asked her to get off the phone for a minute so we could talk. Told her if I found out about it again that I wouldn't hesitate to call the police. I won't live in a house with a drug dealer. I don't play around with that stuff. She was almost talking over me to say she wouldn't do it anymore. We'll see. So we had our first cleaning earlier this month because of the shorter February. We'll do it again soon. We vacuumed the house, mopped the kitchen floors, cleaned the microwave, did the dishes, cleaned the bathrooms, and dusted the house. The bigger jobs will be to clean the giant black stains out of the carpet, clean the major bedroom, and clean the garage. I'm gonna try to tackle the carpet stains a couple at a time.
As I've started cleaning and thinking more about my car maintenance, I've been transitioning into taking life a little slower. Before when I just came home from school for breaks I barely had time for slowing down. I just worked as much as I possibly could, I ate everything microwaved unless dinner was cooked for me, didn't work out at all, did almost no ministry, did little more than dishes and trash around the house, and didn't pay much attention to my car unless it was summer. Now I help my dad with car insurance and pay for my own monthly cell phone plan. I've so enjoyed taking on these household and financial responsibilities because it feels more like I'm living on my own. I still don't spend much time with my dad really though. We've almost always had kind of a working relationship. I don't think he ever really knew how to express love to us. He didn't understand how to express kindness or encouragement. He's just provided financially and for us to live. We kinda have our own lives in the house, except for my sister and I of course. We stay pretty close. As I begin to slow down more and am working less though I find myself really appreciating just enjoying life. It also further confirms that I could never work in the retail grocery business as my career. I don't freak out and scramble anymore when they tell me some big manager might be coming by. I just do my job and stay aware of what they would look for. There's no need for the unnecessary stress. Those managers are trained to find problems to be fixed when they walk in. We'll never be perfect in their eyes so why kill myself trying to be?
I've also been working out pretty regularly. I shoot for 4 days a week, but it's often more. I never thought I'd enjoy running as much as I do. I have an app. on my phone that tracks my distance, time, and speed. I bought a new mp3 player with tax return money and an arm band that fits it perfectly. I've also enjoyed serving at church. The pastor has asked me to teach a men's discipleship group. We've been learning how to study the Bible. I've really had a burden to bring the Bible college education to the lay people. I don't want to dumb it down too much like so many churches do. I believe if you raise the bar for learning, that many will rise to the expectations. This is especially true for the real dedicated ones and the ones who don't know they're dedicated yet. I think God brings those diamonds out of the rough at just the right time. Those are the ones who have great leadership potential. I want to cultivate and develop those people so the church can grow in Christ-likeness and God can be glorified by their service. If I'm gonna put the cookies on the bottom shelf... I want them to be REALLY GOOD cookies. So we're nearing the end of the group. We only have a few more weeks left. We've looked at observation principles and spent significant time thinking through Psalm 1. We’re now looking at Interpretation principles. I’m gonna expose them to commentaries and other secondary resources then teach them how to do a Word study. After that we’ll look at principles for application. It’s been so cool to spend more time with the guys, though I really should stay after more to talk instead of rushing home. Need to try harder to remember names. Need to initiate conversation more. Need to greet different people on Sunday mornings. Need to meet more people for coffee. Lord, help me to do these things because when I’m a pastor I won’t have as many options. I won’t have the luxury of ducking out or taking my own time whenever I want. I’ll need to be more of a shepherd. I get to preach soon too. It’s currently scheduled for March 13th, but it may be pushed to the following Sunday. I’ve chosen to preach on Psalm 6. God hears our honest prayers and receives them in our times of pain. May God use it in our church to His glory and their encouragement.
I continue to think often about when God will bring the woman He has for me. I continue praying for my sisters each week and reading Proverbs 31 to God as a prayer that He will, in His grace, bring a woman like that to me. Through all that happened in my last semester at Moody and even afterward I can say what I’d like to happen, but I can’t presume to say what will happen. It’s been an interesting time for me. Exciting and frustrating at the same time. Full of suspense and yet confusion. Maybe that’s a good place to be. Maybe God gets the most glory when we don’t know when or where He’ll move next. I’m thankful though my desire for marriage and family is strong and my loneliness nags at me sometimes that God has continued to sustain me as He did during that last semester with my mom. He’s granted a real joy and endurance to continue working out, studying Scripture, and living life. I’m more content than I’ve ever been and yet my desire is as strong as it’s ever been. I keep looking up and asking, “Lord, what are you doing in my life? And Lord… why is it taking so long!!?!?” It’s not easy to make sure your head and your heart are on speaking terms. I’ve realized more than ever though that I can’t let this dominate my thinking. I can’t presume to know what God is working and what He isn’t. If nothing else that’s been the clearest to me lately. The time will come when He wants it to and how He wants it to and with who He wants it to. I just need to keep my eyes open as I live the life He’s given me to live TODAY and not tomorrow. I can no longer burden myself with what could be when it isn’t. I can no longer invest myself in What if. It’s just not worth the heartache if there’s nothing more I can do.
“Lord, protect my heart. Help me to trust you more than ever before. Help me to continue spending time with You because regardless of who comes into my life, regardless of even after marriage… You will always be my constant source of strength. You will always be my refuge. When my future wife displays her humanity in all its imperfect glory… You will remain perfect and be the One to grant me the strength to love her still. When my future ministry bears upon me and it doesn’t feel like I’m doing what You’ve called me to and the joy is almost gone… You’ll be there to carry me. When I’m living the life I’ve wanted for so long and it all feels like it’s gonna fall over on me… You’ll remind me that the grass is never greener on the side, No, You’ll remind me that YOU are and always have been my only Hope. Lord draw me near to You in this season of life and help me to do all You have for me to do right now… and do it faithfully.”
Sunday, February 6, 2011
My Concise Doctrinal Statement
The Bible
I believe every and all words of Scripture are inspired by God (Verbal-Plenary) (Luke 24:25-27, Matthew 22:41-45). God superintended the writings of men to communicate His truth being in total control of the process without violating the human authors' role and personality (2 Peter 1:20-21, 2 Timothy 3:16). The Bible is completely without error in the original autographs. The Bible affirms nothing false and only all that is true. Scripture holds absolute authority because it is the very Word of the only true God (Matthew 4:4,7,10; John 10:35). It is sufficient and the final standard for all of life and practice of the believer (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
God
God has revealed Himself logically and biblically (Psalm 105:4) as a Spirit, infinite (1 Kings 8:27), eternal (Psalm 90:2) and unchangeable in His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth. His attributes are not component parts of God. Each describes His total being. Some of them can be seen in us insofar as we are made in His image. Others we cannot possess; omnipresence (Acts 17:24-28), omniscience (Psalm 147:4), omnipotence (Genesis 17:1). There is one God who exists eternally as three persons; Father (John 6:27), Son (John 20:28), and Holy Spirit (Acts 5:3-4), yet all are of one substance, fully God (Deut. 6:4, Matt. 28:19).
Jesus Christ
If the Father is the One Who wills things to happen, the Son is the One Who carries them out. The person of Jesus Christ existed before His earthly birth and will exist forever (John 8:58, Isaiah 9:6). The apostles testified to the deity of Christ (Hebrews 1:1-3). He performed divine works of creation, preservation, revelation, forgiveness of personal sin, raising of the dead, and sending the Holy Spirit. He also displays the divine attributes of immutability, omnipresence, and omnipotence. Christ was born of a virgin (Matt. 1:22-23). He came "in the flesh" (incarnation) and is one person yet with two natures; He has undiminished deity (100% God) and perfect humanity (100% man) (Phil. 2:5-7). He had to be God in order to bear the world's sin upon Himself and He had to be man to be a sufficient sacrifice on behalf of the human race (1 Peter 4:1, Heb. 9:22; 10:1-10). He is the only means by which anyone can enter heaven (Acts 4:11-12, John 14:6). He died a penal substitutionary death, taking the wrath of God upon Himself and standing in our place when we were to receive that wrath (2 Cor. 5:21, Mark 10:45, Rom. 5:18). Christ was raised from the dead on the third day after He died (Luke 24, John 20, 1 Cor. 15). His raising from the dead was not unto another dying earthly body. He was the '"first fruits (1 Cor. 15:20,23) of a new kind of human life, a life in which His body was perfect..." His body was physical and real (Matt. 28:9, John 20:20, 27).
The Holy Spirit
If the Son carries out the Father’s will, the Spirit provides the power for His will to be carried out. The Holy Spirit is not an "it" but is revealed as a person in that He has intellect (Rom. 8:27), emotions (Eph. 4:30), and will (Acts 16:6-11). He is included with the other members of the Trinity (Matt. 28:19). He has titles reminiscent of deity (Heb. 9:14). He displays divine attributes (Job 33:4). He performs divine works (Gen. 1:2) and He is called God (Acts 5:3-5). He teaches (John 14:26, 16:13), testifies about Christ (John 15:26), affirms our salvation (Rom. 8:16), leads believers to live a holy life (Rom. 8:14), convicts of sin (John 16:7-8), commands believers (Acts 8:29; 13:2; 16:7), intercedes for us (Rom. 8:26), regenerates (John, 3:6, Titus 3:4-5), sanctifies (2 Thess. 2:13, Rom. 1:4), and bestows spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 12:4, Hebrews 2:4).
Man
Man was made in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). The image was partly retained after the fall of man, but it was marred (Gen. 5:1). It can be partially restored by salvation through Jesus Christ (Eph. 3:10). Man willfully sinned against God (Gen. 3), thereby bringing all mankind into a state of sin (Rom. 3:23; 5), separation from God, and subjection to the power of Satan. We are not “all children of God,” but rather all those who are not born again are children of Satan (John 8:44, 1 John 3:10, Eph. 2:1-3). Man is born into a sinful nature (Psalm 51:5, Eph. 2:1-3) with a natural propensity to act in opposition to God and His Word (Rom. 8:7). This sinful nature makes man a slave to sin and dead in sin without the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit (John 8:34, Rom. 6:6; 6:16, Col. 2:13-14).
Salvation
Salvation is a gift of God by His grace alone and is not attained by works or human merit of any kind (Eph. 2:8-10, Titus 3:5). Salvation comes by repentance toward God and personal faith/trust in Christ alone (Acts 20:21, John 3:16, Eph. 2:8). Repentance is also gift of God (Acts 11:18, 2 Tim. 2:25). By repentance I mean a conscious turning from a self-orientation driven by sin to a God-orientation driven by a desire for holy living. This means an initial change of mind and heart that is more than simply mental assent to the facts of the gospel. It's an internal surrender and dying to self (Matt. 16:24). This brings a movement from slavery to sin toward slavery to Christ (Rom. 6:18-19, Eph. 6:6), without which it would not be evident a change of heart ever took place in the Christian's life (1 John 3:9) nor that the believer was now given a new nature and is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). I do not mean cleaning up one's life before being saved or becoming more moral to commend oneself to God nor am I saying a believer can reach perfection this side of heaven or doesn't struggle in the Christian life (1 John 1:8-10). Saving repentance and faith occur together in response to the gospel message. We see this clearly in the evangelistic preaching of Jesus and the apostles (Acts 26:16-20, 1 Thess. 1:9-10, Acts 14:15, Acts 2:38, Mark 1:14-15). At the moment of salvation God declares (justifies) a believing sinner (Romans 3:26; 5:9) to be righteous in His sight. This is the imputation of our sins to Christ (Colossians 2:14; 1 Peter 2:24) and the imputation of Christ’s righteousness to us (2 Corinthians 5:21). Those who saved are the elect of God, chosen in Him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1, 1 Thessalonians 1:9, Rom. 9:6-24) and are predestined of God for eternal glory (Romans 8:30).
Baptism and Communion
Baptism was instituted and modeled by Christ to symbolize the work of the Spirit identifying the believer with Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. Baptism is commanded by Christ in the Great Commission and was practiced by the NT Church. It’s to be done by immersion after conversion (Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 2:38-44, 10:33, 43, 47, 48, Romans 6:3-7, Colossians 2:12). Water Baptism is an outward representation of an internal invisible transformation. To explore if anything "happens" in the act of baptism is to lift and emphasize baptism beyond the place the Apostle Paul did (1 Cor. 1:7). To say there is any "saving aspect" to the earthly act of baptism is to walk a line that begins to introduce works into salvation by grace alone. To treat baptism as a symbol is not to diminish it, but it is to place it on a level clearly distinct from religions and denominations which hold to any form of baptismal regeneration and to give it an appropriate place in the life of a Christian. The Lord's Supper was instituted as a remembrance and a symbol, instructing the body by focusing worship upon Christ and His atoning work on the cross. Each believer is personally and individually responsible to not partake of the bread and the cup unworthily (Luke 22:7-38, 1 Corinthians 11:20-34). We are commanded to observe the Lord’s Supper continually (Matthew 26:26-30, Mark 14:22-26). We simply must confess we are eating and drinking substances produced by this world and manufactured in our day. They simply are not and never will be literally Christ Himself. Communion should only be partaken of by Christians who can do so with pure motives, all known sin confessed, therefore being in right relationship with the Lord. Unbelievers or those unsure of their salvation should not participate because they would be celebrating the death of a Savior whom they are rejecting. They would be explicitly celebrating the salvation of others and implicitly celebrating their own condemnation.
The Perseverance and Eternal Security of the Believer
When someone is saved by the power of God they cannot nor would they desire to un-save themselves. Salvation can never be lost. Once they are saved, they will persevere to the end (Rom. 8:1, John 6:37, John 10:27-29, Ephesians 1:13-14, Jude 1:24, Revelation 3:5, 1 Peter 1:4-5). The NT speaks of "eternal life" about 43 times and John 6:47 says, "He who believes has everlasting life." This is life that clearly lasts forever and is unconditionally based upon the irrevocable declaration of righteousness by God Himself.
Last Things
I am Premillenial, Pretribulational, and Progressively Dispensational. A day presently unknown to us will come when the children of God are caught up to heaven (Matt. 24:36). This is called the Rapture (1 Thess. 1:10, 1 Thess. 4:16-17, Rev. 3:10). After this a 7 year period of trial called the Tribulation will come. During this Tribulation there will be a span of judgments on the earth and those left in it. This period will be climaxed by the physical literal return of Jesus Christ (2nd Coming) (Rev. 1:7). At His return He will introduce the millennial age, bind Satan, restore Israel to her own land, give her the realization of God’s covenant promises, and bring the whole world to the knowledge of God (Ezekiel 37:21-28, Matthew 24:15-25, 46; Acts 15:16-17; Romans 8:19-23; 11:25-27). After Christ’s literal 1,000 millennial reign, Satan will be released and finally cast into the lake of fire. During this time also all those who rejected Christ will stand before the Great White Throne to receive final judgment and be thrown into a literal Hell, the 2nd death, the lake of fire (Rev. 20:10-15). The reality of Hell is a conscious experience of everlasting torment (Rev. 14:9-11, Matt. 25:41, Mark 9:43). The Church and Israel are distinct and yet both the people of God. Israel and the Church will share in some of the same promises and future blessings in the sense that they are unified by salvation through Christ and will be unified in the end before God in worship (Rev. 7:9). They are distinct in that to enter the church one must be baptized into it by the Holy Spirit. This could only first occur beginning at the day of Pentecost in Acts 2. The church and Israel cannot be one people of God without any distinction because to be considered a part of the church you needed the baptism of the Spirit contained in the order of salvation. No one could be a part of the church prior to the coming of the Holy Spirit. Progressive Dispensationalism is further confirmed by the “now, not yet” idea of the Kingdom of God presented in Scripture (cf. Luke 17:21; 22:18).
I believe every and all words of Scripture are inspired by God (Verbal-Plenary) (Luke 24:25-27, Matthew 22:41-45). God superintended the writings of men to communicate His truth being in total control of the process without violating the human authors' role and personality (2 Peter 1:20-21, 2 Timothy 3:16). The Bible is completely without error in the original autographs. The Bible affirms nothing false and only all that is true. Scripture holds absolute authority because it is the very Word of the only true God (Matthew 4:4,7,10; John 10:35). It is sufficient and the final standard for all of life and practice of the believer (2 Tim. 3:16-17).
God
God has revealed Himself logically and biblically (Psalm 105:4) as a Spirit, infinite (1 Kings 8:27), eternal (Psalm 90:2) and unchangeable in His being, wisdom, power, holiness, justice, goodness, and truth. His attributes are not component parts of God. Each describes His total being. Some of them can be seen in us insofar as we are made in His image. Others we cannot possess; omnipresence (Acts 17:24-28), omniscience (Psalm 147:4), omnipotence (Genesis 17:1). There is one God who exists eternally as three persons; Father (John 6:27), Son (John 20:28), and Holy Spirit (Acts 5:3-4), yet all are of one substance, fully God (Deut. 6:4, Matt. 28:19).
Jesus Christ
If the Father is the One Who wills things to happen, the Son is the One Who carries them out. The person of Jesus Christ existed before His earthly birth and will exist forever (John 8:58, Isaiah 9:6). The apostles testified to the deity of Christ (Hebrews 1:1-3). He performed divine works of creation, preservation, revelation, forgiveness of personal sin, raising of the dead, and sending the Holy Spirit. He also displays the divine attributes of immutability, omnipresence, and omnipotence. Christ was born of a virgin (Matt. 1:22-23). He came "in the flesh" (incarnation) and is one person yet with two natures; He has undiminished deity (100% God) and perfect humanity (100% man) (Phil. 2:5-7). He had to be God in order to bear the world's sin upon Himself and He had to be man to be a sufficient sacrifice on behalf of the human race (1 Peter 4:1, Heb. 9:22; 10:1-10). He is the only means by which anyone can enter heaven (Acts 4:11-12, John 14:6). He died a penal substitutionary death, taking the wrath of God upon Himself and standing in our place when we were to receive that wrath (2 Cor. 5:21, Mark 10:45, Rom. 5:18). Christ was raised from the dead on the third day after He died (Luke 24, John 20, 1 Cor. 15). His raising from the dead was not unto another dying earthly body. He was the '"first fruits (1 Cor. 15:20,23) of a new kind of human life, a life in which His body was perfect..." His body was physical and real (Matt. 28:9, John 20:20, 27).
The Holy Spirit
If the Son carries out the Father’s will, the Spirit provides the power for His will to be carried out. The Holy Spirit is not an "it" but is revealed as a person in that He has intellect (Rom. 8:27), emotions (Eph. 4:30), and will (Acts 16:6-11). He is included with the other members of the Trinity (Matt. 28:19). He has titles reminiscent of deity (Heb. 9:14). He displays divine attributes (Job 33:4). He performs divine works (Gen. 1:2) and He is called God (Acts 5:3-5). He teaches (John 14:26, 16:13), testifies about Christ (John 15:26), affirms our salvation (Rom. 8:16), leads believers to live a holy life (Rom. 8:14), convicts of sin (John 16:7-8), commands believers (Acts 8:29; 13:2; 16:7), intercedes for us (Rom. 8:26), regenerates (John, 3:6, Titus 3:4-5), sanctifies (2 Thess. 2:13, Rom. 1:4), and bestows spiritual gifts (1 Cor. 12:4, Hebrews 2:4).
Man
Man was made in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). The image was partly retained after the fall of man, but it was marred (Gen. 5:1). It can be partially restored by salvation through Jesus Christ (Eph. 3:10). Man willfully sinned against God (Gen. 3), thereby bringing all mankind into a state of sin (Rom. 3:23; 5), separation from God, and subjection to the power of Satan. We are not “all children of God,” but rather all those who are not born again are children of Satan (John 8:44, 1 John 3:10, Eph. 2:1-3). Man is born into a sinful nature (Psalm 51:5, Eph. 2:1-3) with a natural propensity to act in opposition to God and His Word (Rom. 8:7). This sinful nature makes man a slave to sin and dead in sin without the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit (John 8:34, Rom. 6:6; 6:16, Col. 2:13-14).
Salvation
Salvation is a gift of God by His grace alone and is not attained by works or human merit of any kind (Eph. 2:8-10, Titus 3:5). Salvation comes by repentance toward God and personal faith/trust in Christ alone (Acts 20:21, John 3:16, Eph. 2:8). Repentance is also gift of God (Acts 11:18, 2 Tim. 2:25). By repentance I mean a conscious turning from a self-orientation driven by sin to a God-orientation driven by a desire for holy living. This means an initial change of mind and heart that is more than simply mental assent to the facts of the gospel. It's an internal surrender and dying to self (Matt. 16:24). This brings a movement from slavery to sin toward slavery to Christ (Rom. 6:18-19, Eph. 6:6), without which it would not be evident a change of heart ever took place in the Christian's life (1 John 3:9) nor that the believer was now given a new nature and is a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). I do not mean cleaning up one's life before being saved or becoming more moral to commend oneself to God nor am I saying a believer can reach perfection this side of heaven or doesn't struggle in the Christian life (1 John 1:8-10). Saving repentance and faith occur together in response to the gospel message. We see this clearly in the evangelistic preaching of Jesus and the apostles (Acts 26:16-20, 1 Thess. 1:9-10, Acts 14:15, Acts 2:38, Mark 1:14-15). At the moment of salvation God declares (justifies) a believing sinner (Romans 3:26; 5:9) to be righteous in His sight. This is the imputation of our sins to Christ (Colossians 2:14; 1 Peter 2:24) and the imputation of Christ’s righteousness to us (2 Corinthians 5:21). Those who saved are the elect of God, chosen in Him before the foundation of the world (Ephesians 1, 1 Thessalonians 1:9, Rom. 9:6-24) and are predestined of God for eternal glory (Romans 8:30).
Baptism and Communion
Baptism was instituted and modeled by Christ to symbolize the work of the Spirit identifying the believer with Christ in His death, burial and resurrection. Baptism is commanded by Christ in the Great Commission and was practiced by the NT Church. It’s to be done by immersion after conversion (Matthew 28:19-20, Acts 2:38-44, 10:33, 43, 47, 48, Romans 6:3-7, Colossians 2:12). Water Baptism is an outward representation of an internal invisible transformation. To explore if anything "happens" in the act of baptism is to lift and emphasize baptism beyond the place the Apostle Paul did (1 Cor. 1:7). To say there is any "saving aspect" to the earthly act of baptism is to walk a line that begins to introduce works into salvation by grace alone. To treat baptism as a symbol is not to diminish it, but it is to place it on a level clearly distinct from religions and denominations which hold to any form of baptismal regeneration and to give it an appropriate place in the life of a Christian. The Lord's Supper was instituted as a remembrance and a symbol, instructing the body by focusing worship upon Christ and His atoning work on the cross. Each believer is personally and individually responsible to not partake of the bread and the cup unworthily (Luke 22:7-38, 1 Corinthians 11:20-34). We are commanded to observe the Lord’s Supper continually (Matthew 26:26-30, Mark 14:22-26). We simply must confess we are eating and drinking substances produced by this world and manufactured in our day. They simply are not and never will be literally Christ Himself. Communion should only be partaken of by Christians who can do so with pure motives, all known sin confessed, therefore being in right relationship with the Lord. Unbelievers or those unsure of their salvation should not participate because they would be celebrating the death of a Savior whom they are rejecting. They would be explicitly celebrating the salvation of others and implicitly celebrating their own condemnation.
The Perseverance and Eternal Security of the Believer
When someone is saved by the power of God they cannot nor would they desire to un-save themselves. Salvation can never be lost. Once they are saved, they will persevere to the end (Rom. 8:1, John 6:37, John 10:27-29, Ephesians 1:13-14, Jude 1:24, Revelation 3:5, 1 Peter 1:4-5). The NT speaks of "eternal life" about 43 times and John 6:47 says, "He who believes has everlasting life." This is life that clearly lasts forever and is unconditionally based upon the irrevocable declaration of righteousness by God Himself.
Last Things
I am Premillenial, Pretribulational, and Progressively Dispensational. A day presently unknown to us will come when the children of God are caught up to heaven (Matt. 24:36). This is called the Rapture (1 Thess. 1:10, 1 Thess. 4:16-17, Rev. 3:10). After this a 7 year period of trial called the Tribulation will come. During this Tribulation there will be a span of judgments on the earth and those left in it. This period will be climaxed by the physical literal return of Jesus Christ (2nd Coming) (Rev. 1:7). At His return He will introduce the millennial age, bind Satan, restore Israel to her own land, give her the realization of God’s covenant promises, and bring the whole world to the knowledge of God (Ezekiel 37:21-28, Matthew 24:15-25, 46; Acts 15:16-17; Romans 8:19-23; 11:25-27). After Christ’s literal 1,000 millennial reign, Satan will be released and finally cast into the lake of fire. During this time also all those who rejected Christ will stand before the Great White Throne to receive final judgment and be thrown into a literal Hell, the 2nd death, the lake of fire (Rev. 20:10-15). The reality of Hell is a conscious experience of everlasting torment (Rev. 14:9-11, Matt. 25:41, Mark 9:43). The Church and Israel are distinct and yet both the people of God. Israel and the Church will share in some of the same promises and future blessings in the sense that they are unified by salvation through Christ and will be unified in the end before God in worship (Rev. 7:9). They are distinct in that to enter the church one must be baptized into it by the Holy Spirit. This could only first occur beginning at the day of Pentecost in Acts 2. The church and Israel cannot be one people of God without any distinction because to be considered a part of the church you needed the baptism of the Spirit contained in the order of salvation. No one could be a part of the church prior to the coming of the Holy Spirit. Progressive Dispensationalism is further confirmed by the “now, not yet” idea of the Kingdom of God presented in Scripture (cf. Luke 17:21; 22:18).
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)