Happy Birthday in Chicago.

This past weekend was such a blessing to my heart. A friend paid to fly me up to Chicago for Saturday through Tuesday night. Not only that, but he took days off for us to spend time together and... planned a surprise party for me! About 8 friends hid in my room with the light off only to surprise me with balloons and happy birthdays. I was SO touched and I SO needed it. We hung out, had pizza, and played Apples to Apples. I got to use some birthday money to get a new Moody hat, some running shoes, and a copy of Sacred Influence By Gary Thomas. I got to meet with my two favorite professors... Dr. Burke and prof. Dallesandro. Had coffee with a friend, played pool and Foosball with a friend, hung out with others. I got to do some street preaching with Matthew. I'm sad to say dancing didn't work out. I got to see nearly everyone I wanted to. I even got to go running along the beach twice. God is so good.

Being there gave me time to take a step back from this past year since I finished... to rest, regroup emotionally, and draw strength from the Lord in a fresh way. Walking around campus I could very much relate to Proverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." The past few days have allowed me to come to terms with my last few memories of Moody, the environment, the campus, what I did and where I stood, and the things on my mind. Though I was laughing with friends, giving hugs, and having fun... I found that some memories (no matter how good they were) could be colored by what happens after them. Sometimes our life experiences come to carry a different significance and different emotions as our life plays out. I was encouraged however that as I really sought the Lord about where my heart was... I found that I was not consumed by the "ache." The school is remodeling Culby 2 and soon the prayer chapel would no longer exist. I later found that students weren't allowed on the floor. That's ok... I'm no longer a student! As I walked in the room the doors were removed, but everything else was untouched. It felt as if (though I'm prolly stretching it, lol) God knew I'd be returning that weekend. I spent so much time in prayer, so many Wednesdays with the Lord in that room. I'd shed tears there, trained students for evangelism, lifted up my sisters in Christ, and wrestled with God about what He was doing in my life.

I took the time meet with the Lord there one last time... to pray, to cry, to sing, and in the spirit of the Psalmists... to ask God to remember me. I asked Him to remember the times we shared in that room, the requests I made, the issues I wrestled with Him about... they haven't changed. The trip ended with an encouraging thought brought back to my memory. Matthew 6 says not to worry about your needs, that worrying will not add a single hour to your life. It says not to worry about tomorrow, the future, because today has enough in itself. Though I've read those words so many times... my emotions forgot them. It seems a constant struggle for us weak and fearful creatures to connect our heart and our head... our desires and our Theology. I flew home with a renewed sense that God has my future in His hands, where it has always been. It's safe there. God knew what He was doing, still knows what He is doing, and still knows what He will do. I must not worry about tomorrow, for my needs will be provided by the Lord in His time. He knows what is best for me and even when I don't understand Him and can't see what He is doing... I know that He is preparing my future for me and me for my future. Take your time Lord.