Being Faithful Where I Am

"...I try and try
To read your mind
‘Cause I forget that patience is a virtue
You’re teaching me to hold on tight

(Chorus)
‘Cause I don’t know how the story ends
But I’ll be alright ‘cause You wrote it
I don’t know where the highway bends
But I’m doing just fine
‘Cause You’re in control
Even when I don’t know
Where my life’s gonna go
You’re keeping me guessing

So slow me down
Show me around
I want to see the world
That I’ve been without
I am here and now
The future is out of my hands..." -Keeping Me Guessing By Francesca Battistelli



Today is a slightly grumpy and tired day, but you probably can't read it on my front door. Was up late with a friend having a great time of laughter and inside jokes then up even later watching Fireproof again. I was reminded and encouraged when the dad in the movie says in the Love Dare book that "Love in it's truest sense is not based on feelings." Oh how often I've thought lately... what if Jesus' love for us was based on things we did or how He felt at the time. I'm so thankful Christ gives us a picture of biblical love and so glad at how His example has penetrated and dominated my thinking on the subject.

As to "love," I find myself having entered the world of online Christian dating. Had a few interesting experiences... one of them taught me a lot about how shallow I can be, but beyond that it helped to humble me, which I always need. It seems God knew what He was doing in that situation... doesn't He always? Other than that, I find it's an interesting world... the people on the site don't play games at all. They're either going to get to know ya on purpose for the possibility of a relationship or they don't want to waste time. The ones nearer my age are looking toward marriage. That's what I like so much about all this... both people know why they're on the site and are unashamed of that. It's refreshing really. We'll see what God does. I've learned so much about contentment in this area. In some sense my head is still left spinning at what looks like my inability to see what God is or isn't doing. I feel a lot like Miss Battistelli in the lyrics above... God is "keeping me guessing." What I'm beginning to learn though is that it doesn't help much to wear yourself out continuing the guessing. Jeremy Camp sings a song called "one Day at a Time" that ends this way...

"One day at a time I will take these words you've given me
One day at a time I will rest in knowing you
One day at a time I will share this gift you've given me
One day at a time I will walk these valleys through

All I know is that I see how much my heart
Is longing to be cradled by your side
And i'll give all i can to one day soon
Be held by your hand, by your hand

In all these things i will press on
I'll be with you i know it wont be long"


Amen to that. Ya know... I'm done trying to figure God out. I'm done thinking I know what He's doing. I'm ready to just let God be God and rest knowing that if I throw my hands up in confusion... that the confusion must come from me or another human being because God is not the author of confusion. He's got this. Thank you Lord... for being You.

In the spirit of taking it a day at a time, I've been leading music, choosing songs, and practicing with the worship team at church. It's a whole new world, but I'm enjoying being involved... taking responsibility. The only frustrating part is that I don't like looking at the congregation during the service. I look down or up. I don't want their eyes on me or to know their eyes are on me. It's not about me and I don't even want a hint of it feeling that way. Musical worship should be such that it's as if no one else is in the room. Mmmm, one day we'll be with Him as Jeremy Camp said and I can't wait for that day. I've also had the privilege of making the announcement powerpoints for before service. I like doing the little behind the scenes monotonous stuff! The pastor and I are also rotating through teaching Hebrews Sunday nights. I've enjoyed it so far. I SO thank God for the opportunities to serve Him and gain experience here at my church! Looks like I'll be here doing it for awhile longer too...

Doors have opened to learn a couple new trades... I'll be learning to service swimming pools and to do interior work on cars. There is some risk involved, but honestly... I'm at the point in my life where I need the risk. It'll be good to get out of the grocery business for at least a couple years. Hopefully, but not expectantly the Lord will provide the next steps in life in this season here in Texas. But right now... I have today and today doesn't worry about tomorrow, it's faithful with what it's given. I've been given a wonderful church with people and leaders that trust me and encourage my involvement! I'm being given jobs that will grant the freedom I've wanted for so long now AND let me learn something new! I've been given people and friends to whom I can minister and who can minister to me! I've been given Today! Oh Lord may I not waste it...