At the gym the other day I was listening to John Waller’s song, “While I’m Waiting.” It’s a song that has been very special to me in the past year or two as I wondered when God would bring me a godly woman. But now I listen to it in a new season of waiting. Though we aren’t married, He has still provided a wonderful woman. I don’t know the future, but God does and… I’m hopeful… that He has a future for Hannah and I. Now I listen to John Waller’s song wondering when all of the pieces of my life will come together. I’m not getting any younger last I checked, but I’m trying to do what I can to enjoy life and pursue what He has next for me.
At work recently as I was putting out strawberries I noticed the employees in the meat market behind me laughing and enjoying themselves. You see in the meat market at night there’s not much work to do. In fact as best I could see from the few experiences working there, it was at least 75% less work and stress than Produce. It’s easier on the body… that’s why I was trying to transfer into that department. I watched the guy who seems to have filled the spot I was going for. “That could have been me” I thought. It was frustrating. But it wasn’t just this time that weighed on my mind. I’ve had so many other closed doors lately… I’ve tried to train in Starbucks at work to do something new and maybe pull me away from Produce, but they weren’t able to pay training hours for someone who was already an employee. I’ve worked a couple nights in Bakery I applied for a Call Center position with a Christian video producing company where my best friend works… paid over $9 in tolls for the interview… and still didn’t get the job. I was flown all the way to NM to interview for a Senior pastorate and that door closed (I’m thankful and yet frustrated about that one).
As I continued to press on that night I remembered that God sent His Son into the world at “just the right time” Scripture says. Somehow as that came to mind it was a gentle reminder that God’s timing is the best timing and His provision is worth waiting for. Through all this I was thinking that all of it means God has something better for me. It’s not easy to press on doing the same old thing you’ve been doing for years knowing it’s not the thing you’re called to do. Then again… you realize that if God is sovereign it MUST be the thing you’re called to be doing RIGHT NOW. It’s hard to wait for His plan to unfold. We’re always in a season of waiting, aren’t we? Seemingly never content… always looking for what’s next, what’s better, the blessing around the corner. Lord, how can I enjoy what you’ve given me today? Grant me the perseverance, energy, and strength I need to trust in You for the big picture and lay today’s details at your feet.
I recently returned from Skaneateles, NY from 6 days with Hannah and her family. It couldn’t have gone better. I tell people it went like a fairytale, a storybook, or a movie. We got to talk about the relationship, discuss things we were noticing about how we interacted with each other in full honesty, talk more about physical boundaries as it became appropriate, and so much else. I did some target practice and got a refresher about how to use a gun with her dad. I got to talk with her brother a bit about teaching the Bible and hopefully give him some helpful thoughts as he has to teach for a college age ministry soon. I went for a walk with her dad in the woods surrounding their 38 acres of land. Hannah and I helped pick blueberries together. I helped the family stack wood as her dad use a wood splitter to cut the logs smaller. I got to see baby pictures of Hannah, her brother, and sister. I watched some home video and saw her in her gymnastics days. I went to church with her and met her pastor and some of the young girls who she’s told about us. She really has a heart for discipling those girls. I got to go with her family to the church where she grew up and meet her accountability partner there. I came with her to work 2 days and met her co-workers while during the day staying at a coffee shop nearby with my laptop. I got to visit with the Produce managers at Wal Mart and Wegman’s near her work as I considered work opportunities if I move up there. I got to have lunch with her on those days in a grassy area at her community college. She showed me around some of the major towns and places where she worked. We got to go running together twice (that was really special). I remember before the first time we had coffee to talk about the possibility of a relationship that before we even sat down she asked if I ever went running and I told her no because my feet are bad… yet, there we were… running together right near her house… 7 states away from my house. I got to see her in the morning when she was a sleepy zombie, during the day when she was all fixed up for work, and at night when she was in comfy clothes. I got to have breakfast with her family nearly if not every morning I was there… sharing coffee with her dad before anyone else woke up. I got to meet her aunt, uncle, cousin, and grandma. We went to her grandma’s house and she showed me around and shared memories from growing up. Her dad grew up in that house. I got to play with her big golden retriever named Pippin… whose favorite activities were jumping on people and gnawing on their arms (it was actually pretty fun to play with him). We watched part of a chick flick on the last day I was there… not too shabby. She cooked me breakfast once!! I was SO blessed by that. I got to have dinner with her family and grandma once. Her grandma’s house is on the lake and on Saturday afternoon we went there for a swim. I can’t swim so I was loaded up with a life jacket and a big floating donut as she pulled me along to the raft. I was a little embarrassed about that… need to learn to swim. I even got to ride in the boat to watch her dad do some water skiing and her do some wake boarding. Also… her grandma made some amazing blueberry cake!!! We also got to sit together on a park bench in the shade watching the boats drive by.
Through all that though… there were 3 moments we shared that were so special to me;
1.As we were at the park she told me of the time she was a bridesmaid at a wedding there. Then we walked up to the end of a wedding ceremony and watched it just as he kissed the bride. As we walked though we found ourselves walking along the railing of a pier. She said it was the same place where a picture was taken of her. That picture showed her in an adorable dress as she was looking toward the water leaning on the railing. It was the same picture she had up on facebook as her profile pic during most the time we were at Moody that last semester. I would look at that picture often wondering what she was thinking. Was she wondering when God would bring her a man to share life with? It was taken while she was at a wedding after all. Then I thought, “Man, the guy who gets that girl will be SO blessed.” I wished I could have walked into the picture to be the man she was waiting for… but thought, “she’s SO out of my league.” I looked at that picture a lot wondering if anything would happen between us. It was the picture I was hoping to see come up on facebook chat. If it didn’t come up, I went back to my homework. I shared this with her as we walked and I said we needed to take a picture or two of us both by that railing… so we did. :)
2.We’ve talked about what it would be like to cook together. She asked once if I’d ever had a Raspberry pie. Here in the South where Raspberries cost nearly $5 for a 6 oz. pkg I’d never heard of a Raspberry pie. We decided to make one together. We also made a Blueberry pie from fresh blueberries picked from her backyard. I can’t tell you how much fun it was to make the dough from scratch (though we messed it up a bit… wonder why we were so distracted??!?! Hmm…). I got to smear a little flower on her cheek… it was so much fun.
3.But maybe the best part of the trip was Sunday afternoon when we had the boat all to ourselves. We took it across the lake. She showed me how to drive it and I drove prolly half the time. It would have been a beautiful picture to take if my phone was working… her hair blowing in the wind as she drove the boat or as one of us drove while the other stood with arm around the driver. We docked near a little area with shops to have dinner at Doug’s Fish Fry where she used to work. Taking the boat back we stopped in the middle of the lake and turned the engine off to have a time of prayer. It JUST SO HAPPENED that as we stopped and sat up front that the sun was beginning to set. I put my arm around her as we shared prayer requests and went before the Lord in prayer. I couldn’t have planned a better last night together myself. Praise God for orchestrating that.
I continue to look toward the future and prayerfully trust the God who has done so much already. I’ve put up my resume on a few websites looking for ministry positions. I’ve put up an ad on craigslist for general work in Hannah’s area. Lord willing, I plan to move toward living up in NY to share life with Hannah for a while and see what God may have next for us. Haven’t had much legitimate response to the ad yet, but there’s only so much I can do. I’m in communication with a church in Crawfordsville, IN about an opening for Senior Pastor. It’s the first church I’ve really exchanged emails with since the one in NM.
“Lord, I trust You. Take as long as You need to… because I know You will anyway, haha. Help me to continue worshipping you, being faithful, sharing Your gospel, serving at church, and growing with Hannah until Your plans unfold. Help me to bring balance and discipline to my life in these areas that I may honor You to my fullest capacity, for that is what I wish to do above all else. Direct me, lead me, that I may know it must be from You and not from me. In all these things and the thigns I’m yet to face… not my will, not Hannah’s will… but Your will be done. In the name of Your Son, Amen.”
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