Late last week I did something totally unlike me. It was something everyone who knows me well would certainly say I'd never do and if I did... I'd definitely make it "productive." I went on a retreat. We went to Green Lake Conference Center in Wisconsin. It was the Senior class retreat and yes this homeworkaholic went. Who could refuse? It was only $25 for roughly 3 days of lodging, meals, fellowship, and being among such a representation of God's creation. We had times of discussion about memories, prayer, singing, a bonfire with S'mores (I successfully made my first S'more ever). It also ended on my birthday. And get this... I only brought my Bible. Are you proud? While I'm trying to catch up on reading some now that I'm back on campus, it's occurring more and more to me that these things in life that we often ignore and don't stop long enough to appreciate are the very things that we cherish in old age and wish we hadn't skipped when younger. I find myself often a guy concerned about the bottom line, efficiency, what will pragmatically be the best use of time to accomplish the requirements of an assignment or class, etc. But during those few days I was alright with the idea of taking a small percentage hit to my grade for missing a couple assigned readings. There were more important things in life.
I'm not one to spend too much time playing games and being in the midst of the traffic and noise. So when I wasn't catching up on the sleep I knew I'd never get when real life began again, I found myself spending time on a bench by the water or on the little dock with my feet propped up on a post. If not there I visited Spurgeon chapel a short distance from the lodge. The door needed a good push to be opened. If you didn't use enough force you'd think it was sealed shut. It was small and full of cobwebs. In the back there was a guestbook, a prayer request tree, and a broken organ. In the front middle on the altar were papers full of prayer requests where you could leave your own and pray for others. To the right was a walk-in pulpit with a Gideon Bible from the early 1950's with the back cover torn off. The acoustics in that chapel were good... you didn't have to speak very loudly for people to hear you. The whole time I was there it seemed unused, though there were 3 chapels in the area. As I stood in the pulpit I couldn't help but think of my future and I needed to pray.
Over my sabbatical it was difficult to concentrate reading Scripture. My prayer for the trip was "Lord, bind my wandering heart to thee." So many things can distract us. I didn't spend nearly enough time by the water. On the dock after dark you could see the cross lit up on a tower. It was so bright it eclipsed the tower itself and looked like it was suspended floating in the air. As I continued my prayer to focus on the Lord I stared at the cross for awhile and thought, "how appropriate." Doesn't the Bible say something about fixing our eyes on Jesus? I was reading earlier today about the Lament Psalms. It was refreshing to find that the authors simply express their distress unashamedly and without reservation to God. Though I knew that, it was interested to have it put the way it was in my textbook. I imagine we often have struggles inside that we only express to the Lord... worries, desires, and pain that if others were to hear it they would think us mad or rebuke us. It's nice to read the Psalms and see such honesty.
I continue to think toward what God will do in my future. This is constantly on my mind. As time passes I ask the Lord for patience and endurance. I tell God I believe, but please help me with my unbelief. I can trust for the outcome, but somehow it's hard to trust for the in-between. I got on the Alumni referral list here at school and they'll be emailing open listings for Pastoral positions across the U.S. I've sent resumes to a good number of them, but God doesn't seem to be working clearly toward any one in particular yet. I'm excited to see what may come. I've got plans if nothing firm begins to come of this before I go back to TX, but I'm willing to forsake those plans and would be happy to if God began to move elsewhere. I wanna go where He sends me. All plans are tentative to sovereignty.
For all who read this... this is a delicate time for me. I need so much prayer. I need wisdom and discernment. I don't want to assume the next seemingly good thing that comes my way is God's will and jump right in. I want to be wise about making choices because the next major choices in my life will be the big ones. I'm ready to make those choices, but I need to make them well. God has done so much in my heart, maturity, and confidence in the past couple years. I've learned a lot. I'm praying He'll let me use it all very soon.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
Semester Impressions
There are 2 hours until my next class, I'm eating dinosaur shaped fruit snacks, and the reading isn't done yet. Hello college life once again! I'm finding that I need to get far ahead on reading over the weekends if I'm ever to have tiem to write papers or study for exams. While there aren't many assignments that I actually have to turn in... I have reading due every class session for every class. I'm already behind. I'm not worrying though. It's worth worrying about. This final semester of Moody finds me taking the following classes...
Apologetics. This class I had to get permission to take at the same time as Sys Theo 2. Usually you take it after that class. The prof. is a new guy. I got to be in the class where we evaluated him last semester. He's a soft-spoken guy. The class seems good so far though I'm ready for some deeper stuff than the introductory material. Recently we learned there are 4 major approaches to Apologetics (defending the faith)... 1. By Reason and logic, 2. By hard evidence, 3. Divine revelation, and 4. Appeal to faith. It seems the "Reformed approach" is the divine revelation, ("The Bible says...") I think I lean most in that direction. I believe in the power of God's Word. Although the Apostles have used a combination of all these apporaches it seems.
Evangelistic Messages. My final round with Dr. Neely. Most of the textbooks are about examining the culture. I've always been wary of paying too much attention to the culture, lest we subtly trample on truth. Don't wanna fall into the trap of the Fundamentalist movement (the official one, not the broad use of the word) nor do I wanna compromise like the Neoevangelical movement sometimes did (and therefore forfeited their mantra). So I'm working through how much we should consider culture. I've benefited from something my Apologetics prof said, "We need to adapt to the culture but not adopt the culture." Something I'm not looking forward to in this class aside from preaching without notes is that we're required to give an invitation at the end of the sermon AND create a follow-up strategy. In my street preaching my final appeal has always been something to the effect of, "I'm not asking for your money. I won't pass an offering plate. I'm not asking you to join a church nor am I trying to sell you my church. I just want you to think for a moment about what happens after you die. Please feel free to come and ask us any questions you may have." I'm not one for altar calls... it's too artificial. I don't want someone to look like they're saved. I want them to be saved. I don't want someone to think they are saved because they've put one foot in front of the other... I want them to actually be saved.
Systematic Theology 2. This class is about what I thought it would be... Theology. Like the last Sys Theo class I'm hoping it will be more in depth than the introductory one. I felt like it was mostly review in Sys Theo 1. It was easy. I did have a little fun on the first day though. The prof said he had a wife and a cat. He then asked us if we'd like to see a picture of them. He put up a hand drawing of a cat and a woman as stick figures he said he did just before class. He told us his cat's name was Dodger and continued talking. I couldn't help but ask, "Does your wife have a name?" A fun moment for sure.
Psalms. I wonder if I'm most excited about this class. Why? Because I chose it and it specifically wasn't required. I couldn't gone with another Bible elective. It's during one of the most yucky times of day too... 3pm. I really wanted to take it though. I've always admired John MacArthur's handling of the Psalms and how well this genre of the Word of God can speak to our lives in a way that touches the emotions so perfectly that you know they're Holy Spirit empowered. I want to get to know the Psalms better to be able to preach them better. Just today I was reading Psalm 16:4a which says, "The sorrows of those who run after other gods shall multiply..." That was so true as I've faced idolatry in my life. Praise God He works miracles to mold us into the image of His Son! The funny thing about this class is that I'm the same age as the professor. I think we'll get along great.
3 Credits of Internship. So I just recently found out that all I gotta do for my internship is preach 3 more times and help out a rehearsal group in the beginning preaching class. All those weekly mentoring hours I thought were required... aren't. I still plan to do some of the originally planned things with my church though. this just makes it easier becuase now it's on our own time and we're not bound to a number of hours. So I'll be at church a lot for sure. I'm excited abotu that. I've also made my intership count as my PCM. This will allow more weekly time.
Beyond these things I've returned to my working out back here at Solheim. A freidn recently told me that my fatigue may be due to working out too often. Is 5-6 days a week, 45 min. to 1 1/2 hours too much? Lol... maybe. I'm gonna cut it back to 4 days a week and see how that goes. I know the multivitamin I'm taking every day has been helping for sure. I still haven't got into a healthy amount of prayer and personal musical worship as I'd like. It seems school is frustrating the quantity of time I'd like to spend with the Lord. I wish I could skip classes in spend the time in prayer and song, but alas... homework looms. It's also been fun to room with Nick from home for his first semester. I find that I am more sarcastic toward him. We play with eachother a lot. I just hope I don't get outta control. He has a lot of respect for me and I don't wanna act too childish.
This semester I intend to continue praying for my sisters and my future wife every Wednesday. I ask the Lord for the men of this campus to be men (courage, confidence, decisiveness, gentleness, and the strength and wisdom in how to love their respective ladies as Christ loved the Church) and the women to be women (willing hearts of submission and respect to their respective guys, emotional stability, and for divine protection against immature guys). I'm learning that I think we shouldn't act romantically based upon some mysterious spark between us and someone else. That's too fickle and could mean anything. I think we need to seek godliness... in our own lives and in the lives of those we consider for a future spouse (to not treat it that seriously is a waste of time and emotions). We must seek godliness and the Lord's will as best as we can discern them and act in the most honorable and wise way we can. to that end for myself I pray for me to be open to walk in the paths God lays out before me. I ask Him to prepare the way and grant me the grace to discern where He's working. I'm keeping my eyes and options open. I'm confessing my desire for marriage yet putting the Lord first. I need so much wisdom these days. I need the Lord because I can be so divided and confused. I ask God to help me as I seek who He may have for me in the future, whether it's near or far... though I wonder if it's near. I'm trying to continue to treat things reverently and not to take anything for granted when and if it does happen. Need to remember the implications of a relationship. A friend reminded me recently that godly women don't have to be found in Bible college. I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that time and distance don't matter if the Lord puts two people together. I don't need to worry that time is slipping away. God will do as He wishes and if He is working... it'll all work out. the question is, is He working? If so, how? With who? Grrrrrr... Lord?
I also wonder where God will take me after Moody. For the longest time I've wanted to go to Seminary, leaning primarily toward Master's Seminary in California. I'm still open to that. But in the past couple months I've really wondered if I should just get started in ministry. So I'm gonna look at my options for after graduation and see what God does. I could be in another country this time next year. Lord, what will you do?
Apologetics. This class I had to get permission to take at the same time as Sys Theo 2. Usually you take it after that class. The prof. is a new guy. I got to be in the class where we evaluated him last semester. He's a soft-spoken guy. The class seems good so far though I'm ready for some deeper stuff than the introductory material. Recently we learned there are 4 major approaches to Apologetics (defending the faith)... 1. By Reason and logic, 2. By hard evidence, 3. Divine revelation, and 4. Appeal to faith. It seems the "Reformed approach" is the divine revelation, ("The Bible says...") I think I lean most in that direction. I believe in the power of God's Word. Although the Apostles have used a combination of all these apporaches it seems.
Evangelistic Messages. My final round with Dr. Neely. Most of the textbooks are about examining the culture. I've always been wary of paying too much attention to the culture, lest we subtly trample on truth. Don't wanna fall into the trap of the Fundamentalist movement (the official one, not the broad use of the word) nor do I wanna compromise like the Neoevangelical movement sometimes did (and therefore forfeited their mantra). So I'm working through how much we should consider culture. I've benefited from something my Apologetics prof said, "We need to adapt to the culture but not adopt the culture." Something I'm not looking forward to in this class aside from preaching without notes is that we're required to give an invitation at the end of the sermon AND create a follow-up strategy. In my street preaching my final appeal has always been something to the effect of, "I'm not asking for your money. I won't pass an offering plate. I'm not asking you to join a church nor am I trying to sell you my church. I just want you to think for a moment about what happens after you die. Please feel free to come and ask us any questions you may have." I'm not one for altar calls... it's too artificial. I don't want someone to look like they're saved. I want them to be saved. I don't want someone to think they are saved because they've put one foot in front of the other... I want them to actually be saved.
Systematic Theology 2. This class is about what I thought it would be... Theology. Like the last Sys Theo class I'm hoping it will be more in depth than the introductory one. I felt like it was mostly review in Sys Theo 1. It was easy. I did have a little fun on the first day though. The prof said he had a wife and a cat. He then asked us if we'd like to see a picture of them. He put up a hand drawing of a cat and a woman as stick figures he said he did just before class. He told us his cat's name was Dodger and continued talking. I couldn't help but ask, "Does your wife have a name?" A fun moment for sure.
Psalms. I wonder if I'm most excited about this class. Why? Because I chose it and it specifically wasn't required. I couldn't gone with another Bible elective. It's during one of the most yucky times of day too... 3pm. I really wanted to take it though. I've always admired John MacArthur's handling of the Psalms and how well this genre of the Word of God can speak to our lives in a way that touches the emotions so perfectly that you know they're Holy Spirit empowered. I want to get to know the Psalms better to be able to preach them better. Just today I was reading Psalm 16:4a which says, "The sorrows of those who run after other gods shall multiply..." That was so true as I've faced idolatry in my life. Praise God He works miracles to mold us into the image of His Son! The funny thing about this class is that I'm the same age as the professor. I think we'll get along great.
3 Credits of Internship. So I just recently found out that all I gotta do for my internship is preach 3 more times and help out a rehearsal group in the beginning preaching class. All those weekly mentoring hours I thought were required... aren't. I still plan to do some of the originally planned things with my church though. this just makes it easier becuase now it's on our own time and we're not bound to a number of hours. So I'll be at church a lot for sure. I'm excited abotu that. I've also made my intership count as my PCM. This will allow more weekly time.
Beyond these things I've returned to my working out back here at Solheim. A freidn recently told me that my fatigue may be due to working out too often. Is 5-6 days a week, 45 min. to 1 1/2 hours too much? Lol... maybe. I'm gonna cut it back to 4 days a week and see how that goes. I know the multivitamin I'm taking every day has been helping for sure. I still haven't got into a healthy amount of prayer and personal musical worship as I'd like. It seems school is frustrating the quantity of time I'd like to spend with the Lord. I wish I could skip classes in spend the time in prayer and song, but alas... homework looms. It's also been fun to room with Nick from home for his first semester. I find that I am more sarcastic toward him. We play with eachother a lot. I just hope I don't get outta control. He has a lot of respect for me and I don't wanna act too childish.
This semester I intend to continue praying for my sisters and my future wife every Wednesday. I ask the Lord for the men of this campus to be men (courage, confidence, decisiveness, gentleness, and the strength and wisdom in how to love their respective ladies as Christ loved the Church) and the women to be women (willing hearts of submission and respect to their respective guys, emotional stability, and for divine protection against immature guys). I'm learning that I think we shouldn't act romantically based upon some mysterious spark between us and someone else. That's too fickle and could mean anything. I think we need to seek godliness... in our own lives and in the lives of those we consider for a future spouse (to not treat it that seriously is a waste of time and emotions). We must seek godliness and the Lord's will as best as we can discern them and act in the most honorable and wise way we can. to that end for myself I pray for me to be open to walk in the paths God lays out before me. I ask Him to prepare the way and grant me the grace to discern where He's working. I'm keeping my eyes and options open. I'm confessing my desire for marriage yet putting the Lord first. I need so much wisdom these days. I need the Lord because I can be so divided and confused. I ask God to help me as I seek who He may have for me in the future, whether it's near or far... though I wonder if it's near. I'm trying to continue to treat things reverently and not to take anything for granted when and if it does happen. Need to remember the implications of a relationship. A friend reminded me recently that godly women don't have to be found in Bible college. I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that time and distance don't matter if the Lord puts two people together. I don't need to worry that time is slipping away. God will do as He wishes and if He is working... it'll all work out. the question is, is He working? If so, how? With who? Grrrrrr... Lord?
I also wonder where God will take me after Moody. For the longest time I've wanted to go to Seminary, leaning primarily toward Master's Seminary in California. I'm still open to that. But in the past couple months I've really wondered if I should just get started in ministry. So I'm gonna look at my options for after graduation and see what God does. I could be in another country this time next year. Lord, what will you do?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
When will life begin?
I'm here at home on a Tuesday at noon. Work starts in 3 short hours. I just printed directions to take my mom to the hospital we're trying to get her into with an established doctor and regular health care. As I sit here and the time escapes me, I confess that I'm a mixture of emotions, thoughts, and dreams.
How much longer does my mom have to live? Will she come to know the Lord? When will my sister realize that life is beginning to happen to her and she needs to be responsible? When will she stop relying on others to do everything for her? Will my sister come to know the Lord?
Will my friend's wife ever be soundly saved? When will she realize that life isn't about having fun (enjoying the pleasures of sin and the world) and just turning up the music? How did we not see it in her years ago? Why do people treat marriage like dating? Does a covenant mean nothing?
Should I really go to seminary? As I continue to taste ministry (even if it's hard), as I continue to preach and teach God's people... I find that I don't want to stop. I am in love with serving God in these ways and I fall more in love with Him as I do them. When will I be free from the grocery business? November of 2011 will make 10 years that I've worked on and off with the same company while attending school. I've purposely turned down opportunities to make it a career. I could not be content doing that my whole life, nor do I think I'll have the energy it requires. It's just not worth it nor is it what God has called me to. When will I be free from my dad's roof... the filthy house and its' cockroach population? When will life begin? When will I wake up to the faces of my own family and get up an extra half hour to start breakfast one average day and maybe consider a passage to read at the table?
And as I think about these things... I also begin to ask, when I will I see my Lord face to face? Lord, when will earthly concerns no longer be a concern? When will I simply be with You? Maybe that's when life will really begin.
How much longer does my mom have to live? Will she come to know the Lord? When will my sister realize that life is beginning to happen to her and she needs to be responsible? When will she stop relying on others to do everything for her? Will my sister come to know the Lord?
Will my friend's wife ever be soundly saved? When will she realize that life isn't about having fun (enjoying the pleasures of sin and the world) and just turning up the music? How did we not see it in her years ago? Why do people treat marriage like dating? Does a covenant mean nothing?
Should I really go to seminary? As I continue to taste ministry (even if it's hard), as I continue to preach and teach God's people... I find that I don't want to stop. I am in love with serving God in these ways and I fall more in love with Him as I do them. When will I be free from the grocery business? November of 2011 will make 10 years that I've worked on and off with the same company while attending school. I've purposely turned down opportunities to make it a career. I could not be content doing that my whole life, nor do I think I'll have the energy it requires. It's just not worth it nor is it what God has called me to. When will I be free from my dad's roof... the filthy house and its' cockroach population? When will life begin? When will I wake up to the faces of my own family and get up an extra half hour to start breakfast one average day and maybe consider a passage to read at the table?
And as I think about these things... I also begin to ask, when I will I see my Lord face to face? Lord, when will earthly concerns no longer be a concern? When will I simply be with You? Maybe that's when life will really begin.
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Lord is My Inheritance
It's just after midnight, yet it's time to write. Many things are on my mind. Here's one of them...
I continue my trek through the ESV Old Testament in my daily Scripture reading. I've reached the book of Joshua. The other day at work I finished chapter 13 on my lunch break. All was as expected until one verse jumped off the page and tugged at my heart in a way that brought such a peace... just at the right time. Joshua 13:33 says, "But to the tribe of Levi Moses gave no inheritance; the Lord God of Israel is their inheritance, just as he said to them." This is important because it came on a day when I'd planned to fast for a purpose. No, it wasn't Wednesday. You see lately I can clearly discern the hand of God in my life. To what end I'm confident I know, but how that end will come about I still cannot see. The purpose was to refocus and make sure I still wanted the Lord, His will, and His timing more than a wife on my timing. It's been interesting this summer and even before then really. Many closed doors. It seems even when I consider a woman in my mind (even if it's a passing thought) that God closes the door immediately. I begin to wonder, "Why not close a few doors years ago before they happened? I needed it the for sure!" "Lord are you protecting me from a wrong decision?" "Lord, are you still preparing a woman greater and better suited than all the closed doors?" "Is it right around the corner? Is that why you're acting so fast?" It's hard to remember that closed doors are just as much an expression of God's wise sovereignty as are open doors. Recently though I was thinking back to all those girls in my past that I had a thing for or went out with and I laugh and thank God He didn't let me continue with them for one reason or another. He SO knows what He's doing. I'm dumb. I'm clumsy. I'm emotional. God is so good.
So I planned to fast that day and instead of eating on my break I called my mom at the hospital and then opened my Bible. While it certainly isn't a direct application (I'm not a Levite by descent) it occurs to me that while the other tribes had physical tangible inheritances (gifts, rewards), the Levites had none. Yet theirs was greater than these earthly rewards... it was the Lord Himself. The world looks on a lack of earthly blessing as a sign that maybe God hasn't blessed a person, but with the Lord the expectations change. The social norms mean nothing. Don't they? Before I could even think it through... I was hit with a wave of comfort as I read these words. Strange context for comfort, but it came. Ecclesiates 9:9 calls a wife a man's reward. She is a tangible gift from God just as the land was the tribes of Israel. For those who desire to be married and aren't, the Lord Himself is their reward... their inheritance. This isn't to say He is later replaced by a wife. If the Lord isn't always first you're only left with idolatry. Still I take comfort in this truth as I'm reminded that while those around me are finding the earthly love that I yearn for so strongly... I do have divine love and must nurture that beyond all else. The love of God and for God can and will never compare to the love of and for my future wife. My God was there when He formed me in my mother's womb, but my wife was not. My God will be there for me in difficult times in ways my wife never can or will be. He is and always shall be my inheritance. If that's true... then He certainly is that now.
At work all day I listen to the music the store plays. Most of it is love songs. I often joke that they're so bent on love songs (particularly sad ones) that even during CHRISTmas they manage to find sad CHRISTmas love songs. I was speaking to someone recently who couldn't conceive of a love greater than the love between a husband and a wife. I hear these songs and these ideas and see it on TV... the only love the world thinks is possible is romantic earthly love. But that can never be understood without knowing the love of God and the love for God. I thank Him so much He didn't leave me in what seemed an endless maze of looking for earthly love that would never satisfy. I thank Him for being my inheritance. My desire still remains strong and my eyes still remain open, but my heart belongs to Him before anyone else.
Thank you Lord for the reminder.
I continue my trek through the ESV Old Testament in my daily Scripture reading. I've reached the book of Joshua. The other day at work I finished chapter 13 on my lunch break. All was as expected until one verse jumped off the page and tugged at my heart in a way that brought such a peace... just at the right time. Joshua 13:33 says, "But to the tribe of Levi Moses gave no inheritance; the Lord God of Israel is their inheritance, just as he said to them." This is important because it came on a day when I'd planned to fast for a purpose. No, it wasn't Wednesday. You see lately I can clearly discern the hand of God in my life. To what end I'm confident I know, but how that end will come about I still cannot see. The purpose was to refocus and make sure I still wanted the Lord, His will, and His timing more than a wife on my timing. It's been interesting this summer and even before then really. Many closed doors. It seems even when I consider a woman in my mind (even if it's a passing thought) that God closes the door immediately. I begin to wonder, "Why not close a few doors years ago before they happened? I needed it the for sure!" "Lord are you protecting me from a wrong decision?" "Lord, are you still preparing a woman greater and better suited than all the closed doors?" "Is it right around the corner? Is that why you're acting so fast?" It's hard to remember that closed doors are just as much an expression of God's wise sovereignty as are open doors. Recently though I was thinking back to all those girls in my past that I had a thing for or went out with and I laugh and thank God He didn't let me continue with them for one reason or another. He SO knows what He's doing. I'm dumb. I'm clumsy. I'm emotional. God is so good.
So I planned to fast that day and instead of eating on my break I called my mom at the hospital and then opened my Bible. While it certainly isn't a direct application (I'm not a Levite by descent) it occurs to me that while the other tribes had physical tangible inheritances (gifts, rewards), the Levites had none. Yet theirs was greater than these earthly rewards... it was the Lord Himself. The world looks on a lack of earthly blessing as a sign that maybe God hasn't blessed a person, but with the Lord the expectations change. The social norms mean nothing. Don't they? Before I could even think it through... I was hit with a wave of comfort as I read these words. Strange context for comfort, but it came. Ecclesiates 9:9 calls a wife a man's reward. She is a tangible gift from God just as the land was the tribes of Israel. For those who desire to be married and aren't, the Lord Himself is their reward... their inheritance. This isn't to say He is later replaced by a wife. If the Lord isn't always first you're only left with idolatry. Still I take comfort in this truth as I'm reminded that while those around me are finding the earthly love that I yearn for so strongly... I do have divine love and must nurture that beyond all else. The love of God and for God can and will never compare to the love of and for my future wife. My God was there when He formed me in my mother's womb, but my wife was not. My God will be there for me in difficult times in ways my wife never can or will be. He is and always shall be my inheritance. If that's true... then He certainly is that now.
At work all day I listen to the music the store plays. Most of it is love songs. I often joke that they're so bent on love songs (particularly sad ones) that even during CHRISTmas they manage to find sad CHRISTmas love songs. I was speaking to someone recently who couldn't conceive of a love greater than the love between a husband and a wife. I hear these songs and these ideas and see it on TV... the only love the world thinks is possible is romantic earthly love. But that can never be understood without knowing the love of God and the love for God. I thank Him so much He didn't leave me in what seemed an endless maze of looking for earthly love that would never satisfy. I thank Him for being my inheritance. My desire still remains strong and my eyes still remain open, but my heart belongs to Him before anyone else.
Thank you Lord for the reminder.
Monday, July 26, 2010
1 Samuel 18:1-16: Saul Has Only Slain His Thousands
Americans live in a fairytale. They live in what I'd like to call the “Burger King” Fairytale. What's Burger King's motto? “Have it your way.” People make all kinds of plans. They have all kinds of intentions and they live under the idea that they can run their own lives. They live as they feel they want to. I saw a woman on TV the other day who had grown distant in her relationship with her mom because her mom didn't approve of her recent divorce. When asked why she divorced she said, “It's my decision. It's my life.” What's the common denominator in those statements? “My, Me.” It's about self. Do you think as she was standing at the altar on the wedding day that she was planning to get divorced? Probably not. That wasn't her plan. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I suspect her expectations for marriage involved a fair amount self. Her plan was her own happiness. But I want you to notice her reaction. How did she react when things weren't going the way she wanted? She threw a hissy fit and ended it. After all it's not much different than dating right? Just fill out a little paperwork.
That's easy to see in the world, but what about us? How do you react when your plan doesn't go the way you expect? Or better yet, how do you react when your plan isn't God's plan?
Turn with me if you would to 1 Samuel 18. We're only gonna look at v.1-16 tonight. Last time I was with you I took you back to Ch.16 where Samuel tells king Saul that God had rejected him as king. More than that, God was going to raise up a man to take his place. Thus began the transition from Saul to David. That's the big picture in which we have to look at the rest of the book. Ch.17 brought us David's battle with Goliath. This event propelled David into the spotlight of the people of Israel. It was the first major event in David's rise to king. In that story the lens I looked through for our lives was how we gained victory in our struggle with sin. I said the story showed us that (BIG IDEA) “Victory comes when the glory is the Lord's and the battle is the Lord's.” The key to the story was found in 17:46-47. What I wanna do is take you back to that moment in the story, back to the battlefield, back to the victory... because that's where our text tonight picks up. Are you there?
READ 18:1-5. So the army of Israel is in a state of rejoicing. You can imagine their weapons being hoisted in the air as the Philistines fled and their champion Goliath dead. Remember we said David had been going to be with his father and tend the sheep back and forth from home and back to Saul. Well, obviously this time king Saul was impressed with David. He was so impressed that v.2 tells us, “Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father's house.” V.5 says, “So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul's servants.” Saul saw that there was something to this “young man” David.
David had zeal.
He had courage.
He had confidence.
He had... just defeated a GIANT.
He had qualities that could prove to bear out a fruitful military career and Saul saw this, BUT those things were not what put David in such a position. God was with him. We saw that in the end of 16:13, “...the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward...”
Now I want you to look at each of these chapters in David's life to see God's hand in them. David was appointed to lead the army of Israel. This position will prepare David to lead and fight in the future as king. This is his training ground to gain experience and to further build his reputation among the people. But how is it being done? GOD is doing it... through king Saul. Saul thought he was just getting an asset to his army, but he was merely God's instrument to prepare David to take Saul's place. As I thought about this it got me thinking, how often is God using us without our understanding, without our knowledge, without our finite human perception... for the preparation and sanctification of someone else? Have you ever stopped to think about that? What could God be doing through you not for your sake, but the sake of the person you're interacting with?
We also see in this passage the beginning of the secondary story of David's friendship with Jonathan. I don't wanna steal John's thunder because he may talk some about this with you later. But the text says it was during this time and these battles with the Philistines that David and Jonathan developed a bond between two brothers that would last for years to come. And it would be a friendship that would serve as yet another important chapter in David's life and preparation, but that is still yet to unfold in the rest of the book. So we won't look at that. These few verses merely set the stage for what's to come. You'll have to wait to see the point in that chapter though.
But it's in v.6-9 that the story gets interesting. Things are going well for Saul. His army is doing well under David's leadership and success seems to be Saul's best friend. What could be better? Life was great for king Saul until... something happened. What happened? READ v.6-9. There's so much in these few verses and they give us the crux, the crisis of our story. Saul is taking the head of the army as they return home to celebrate once again. I can imagine he has a smile on his face that stretches from the East to the West. Each time he has returned from a battle victorious he returns to a great celebration. As his feet enter the gate of the city of Israel, he's met by the women of the city. It's the ladies that knew how to celebrate in the OT. You never send the men to be in charge of a celebration. We're fine with plain, simple, boring... we couldn't choose the color of decorations if our life depended on it. This was common though. The Israelites knew who to put in charge of the celebrating (Exo_15:20; Jdg_11:34; Psa_68:25). As Saul expected their joy and prepared himself for their song, the news of the victory over Goliath reached them before the army did. And their song took on a new note and new lyrics. “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands.” And this song that was so full of joy in the ears of the army and of the people and of the women who sang it, it was the sound of war in the ears of king Saul. He was outraged! “How could they sing such a thing?!” He asked, in essence. “I'm the king! And they've made David ten times greater than me!!!?” And then in v.8 he makes a statement so prophetic that it blows my mind. He says, “Now what more can he have but the kingdom? And Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.”
Remember, Samuel told him what was about to happen. He knew someone was going to replace him. Now he's beginning to see what God is doing and He doesn't want it to happen. He is jealous of David. He's angry. He's suspicious. And He's jealous. Jealousy is a bitter seed that plants itself in the soul and grows like a weed behind the building that you don't see until it starts coming through the window. As he went to bed that night I can imagine him asking, "How can I stop this from happening?"
Look at v.10-12. Now we're brought from the open city of Israel right into the king's palace and was performing his old duty of playing music for the king. I'm sure this music sounded much different than the soothing purpose it was meant for. But here in these verses we reach an issue that Theologians have talked and talked about for years. It's one that I don't intend to have a neatly packaged answer for. What is this “evil spirit” and why would God send it? Is God the author of evil? You know I wonder how much we open ourselves up to God's laughter when we speculate about Him, but here we go anyway...
“An evil spirit from God”
This can only be one of two things; (1) An emotional state/attitude of anger (“that person has a spirit of anger about them”) (2) An actual evil entity that existed from outside Saul and then came into him/a demon. The NASB translates “evil spirit” and you'll see the ESV translates “harmful spirit.” It seems each translation lends itself toward a certain view. Now, either way we have to admit that God is the origin of this in some sense. It's “from God” the text says. God's hand was at work. We can't get so caught up in difficulty that we ignore or try to explain away a plain honest reading of the Word of God. That's a principle of interpretation. Don't forget that. Now it's certainly possible that God is moving Saul's emotions, after all Proverbs 21:1 says, “The heart of the king is like streams of water in the hand of the Lord. He turns it wherever He pleases.” God can change a heart whenever and however He pleases. But, I don't think that's what's going on here. Look back at 16:14. If the Spirit of the Lord is a real person (a living Spirit) and this Spirit is contrasted with an evil spirit. It's likely that we're talking about an actual entity. The Holy Spirit only moved upon people in the OT for certain occasions or offices and it was temporary. It's only the NT after Jesus left that the Spirit comes inside the followers of Christ to dwell forever. That's how the Spirit of God could leave Saul and a different one enter him.
Now, does this mean God is the author of evil? No. I think the only answer we can give here is that God allowed this spirit to torment Saul. He allowed it as further punishment of Saul's disobedience. God didn't produce this evil spirit, He allowed it to come upon Saul. Now I've gotta be honest with you... I don't like the word “allowed.” In my mind I'm thinking, “If we say allowed it makes it a passive act on God's part and if we say He straight up sent it, it becomes an active act on God's part. So either way isn't it God doing it?” But then I'm reminded of Job. God allowed Satan to torment Job. He allowed it for a greater purpose that neither Job, nor his friends nor his family could see. It was all in God's capable hands though. It was hidden in the mystery of God's sovereignty (His control and outworkings in the lives of his people). So I'm thinking the allowing is the only biblical direction we can go at this point. BUT you can be sure that's one of the first things I'm gonna ask God about when we all get to heaven. It'll be one of those things we find on the endless celestial wall of pamphlets of correct doctrine.
But this spirit came upon Saul and it caused him to “rave” in the midst of the house. Some of your translations say prophesy. I think the idea here is captured more in the “raving.” He was raving like a madman. He had an emotional outburst of anger that caused him to attempt to murder David. Some say Saul was prophesying good things to fool David from what he was about to do, but I can't see that because David caught on to it and avoided his attempts twice. V.12 adds fear to our list of Saul's emotions. He knew God was no longer with him, but was now with David.
Let's look at v.13-16. Saul tried to kill David and it didn't work. He knew it wouldn't work. At least at this moment. He didn't want David in his sight. So he removed him from his presence and sent him off to war. And the Bible says Saul dreaded David. He held a fearful awe for David. Saul thought this would take care of his problem.
It would be very easy for me to say to you tonight, “Saul was jealous of David. Don't be jealous” and to stop there. Jealousy is wrong but there's more here. If I did that it would ignore the big picture. You see all that God said was coming to pass before Saul's very eyes. His kingdom was slipping through his fingers and He was powerless to stop it. This brings us the whole point of this passage tonight and it's this...
When your plan isn't God's plan, fighting against Him is futile.
“futile” (a waste of time and emotion)
His plan was to ignore what the prophet Samuel said.
His plan was to remain king.
His plan was for David to serve his army and bring him the glory.
His plan was to kill David and secure his own destiny.
His plan... wasn't God's plan. Do you see that?
So I ask you again as I did before, How do you react when your plan isn't God's plan? It's ok to plan. It's wise to plan. But what happens when those plans don't go the way you wanted?
How often have you and I wanted to build and maintain our own little kingdoms? It may be a kingdom of ministry, a kingdom of romance, a kingdom of corporate success, a kingdom of the way you think a household should be run, etc. and anything that looks like it's getting in our way turns us into a screaming angry child who can't have the candy as we're going through the grocery store checkout line. We get jealous when someone at work gets the praise. We get jealous when the other guy gets the girl. We look at our plan falling apart and don't consider for a moment that it may not be God's plan for us.
Here's what I want you to do... the next time things aren't going your way (even if it's small) ask the question, “What is God doing here? What direction does God seem to be going?” Trust me, save yourself the pain and heartache that will come when you fight against God. God will win. He will. And the next time you see the kid in the grocery store that whines to his mom. Look up and ask, “Lord... is that me right now? Am I trying to have it my way?”
Because, when your plan isn't God's plan, fighting against Him is futile.
That's easy to see in the world, but what about us? How do you react when your plan doesn't go the way you expect? Or better yet, how do you react when your plan isn't God's plan?
Turn with me if you would to 1 Samuel 18. We're only gonna look at v.1-16 tonight. Last time I was with you I took you back to Ch.16 where Samuel tells king Saul that God had rejected him as king. More than that, God was going to raise up a man to take his place. Thus began the transition from Saul to David. That's the big picture in which we have to look at the rest of the book. Ch.17 brought us David's battle with Goliath. This event propelled David into the spotlight of the people of Israel. It was the first major event in David's rise to king. In that story the lens I looked through for our lives was how we gained victory in our struggle with sin. I said the story showed us that (BIG IDEA) “Victory comes when the glory is the Lord's and the battle is the Lord's.” The key to the story was found in 17:46-47. What I wanna do is take you back to that moment in the story, back to the battlefield, back to the victory... because that's where our text tonight picks up. Are you there?
READ 18:1-5. So the army of Israel is in a state of rejoicing. You can imagine their weapons being hoisted in the air as the Philistines fled and their champion Goliath dead. Remember we said David had been going to be with his father and tend the sheep back and forth from home and back to Saul. Well, obviously this time king Saul was impressed with David. He was so impressed that v.2 tells us, “Saul took him that day and did not let him return to his father's house.” V.5 says, “So David went out wherever Saul sent him, and prospered; and Saul set him over the men of war. And it was pleasing in the sight of all the people and also in the sight of Saul's servants.” Saul saw that there was something to this “young man” David.
David had zeal.
He had courage.
He had confidence.
He had... just defeated a GIANT.
He had qualities that could prove to bear out a fruitful military career and Saul saw this, BUT those things were not what put David in such a position. God was with him. We saw that in the end of 16:13, “...the Spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward...”
Now I want you to look at each of these chapters in David's life to see God's hand in them. David was appointed to lead the army of Israel. This position will prepare David to lead and fight in the future as king. This is his training ground to gain experience and to further build his reputation among the people. But how is it being done? GOD is doing it... through king Saul. Saul thought he was just getting an asset to his army, but he was merely God's instrument to prepare David to take Saul's place. As I thought about this it got me thinking, how often is God using us without our understanding, without our knowledge, without our finite human perception... for the preparation and sanctification of someone else? Have you ever stopped to think about that? What could God be doing through you not for your sake, but the sake of the person you're interacting with?
We also see in this passage the beginning of the secondary story of David's friendship with Jonathan. I don't wanna steal John's thunder because he may talk some about this with you later. But the text says it was during this time and these battles with the Philistines that David and Jonathan developed a bond between two brothers that would last for years to come. And it would be a friendship that would serve as yet another important chapter in David's life and preparation, but that is still yet to unfold in the rest of the book. So we won't look at that. These few verses merely set the stage for what's to come. You'll have to wait to see the point in that chapter though.
But it's in v.6-9 that the story gets interesting. Things are going well for Saul. His army is doing well under David's leadership and success seems to be Saul's best friend. What could be better? Life was great for king Saul until... something happened. What happened? READ v.6-9. There's so much in these few verses and they give us the crux, the crisis of our story. Saul is taking the head of the army as they return home to celebrate once again. I can imagine he has a smile on his face that stretches from the East to the West. Each time he has returned from a battle victorious he returns to a great celebration. As his feet enter the gate of the city of Israel, he's met by the women of the city. It's the ladies that knew how to celebrate in the OT. You never send the men to be in charge of a celebration. We're fine with plain, simple, boring... we couldn't choose the color of decorations if our life depended on it. This was common though. The Israelites knew who to put in charge of the celebrating (Exo_15:20; Jdg_11:34; Psa_68:25). As Saul expected their joy and prepared himself for their song, the news of the victory over Goliath reached them before the army did. And their song took on a new note and new lyrics. “Saul has slain his thousands and David his ten thousands.” And this song that was so full of joy in the ears of the army and of the people and of the women who sang it, it was the sound of war in the ears of king Saul. He was outraged! “How could they sing such a thing?!” He asked, in essence. “I'm the king! And they've made David ten times greater than me!!!?” And then in v.8 he makes a statement so prophetic that it blows my mind. He says, “Now what more can he have but the kingdom? And Saul looked at David with suspicion from that day on.”
Remember, Samuel told him what was about to happen. He knew someone was going to replace him. Now he's beginning to see what God is doing and He doesn't want it to happen. He is jealous of David. He's angry. He's suspicious. And He's jealous. Jealousy is a bitter seed that plants itself in the soul and grows like a weed behind the building that you don't see until it starts coming through the window. As he went to bed that night I can imagine him asking, "How can I stop this from happening?"
Look at v.10-12. Now we're brought from the open city of Israel right into the king's palace and was performing his old duty of playing music for the king. I'm sure this music sounded much different than the soothing purpose it was meant for. But here in these verses we reach an issue that Theologians have talked and talked about for years. It's one that I don't intend to have a neatly packaged answer for. What is this “evil spirit” and why would God send it? Is God the author of evil? You know I wonder how much we open ourselves up to God's laughter when we speculate about Him, but here we go anyway...
“An evil spirit from God”
This can only be one of two things; (1) An emotional state/attitude of anger (“that person has a spirit of anger about them”) (2) An actual evil entity that existed from outside Saul and then came into him/a demon. The NASB translates “evil spirit” and you'll see the ESV translates “harmful spirit.” It seems each translation lends itself toward a certain view. Now, either way we have to admit that God is the origin of this in some sense. It's “from God” the text says. God's hand was at work. We can't get so caught up in difficulty that we ignore or try to explain away a plain honest reading of the Word of God. That's a principle of interpretation. Don't forget that. Now it's certainly possible that God is moving Saul's emotions, after all Proverbs 21:1 says, “The heart of the king is like streams of water in the hand of the Lord. He turns it wherever He pleases.” God can change a heart whenever and however He pleases. But, I don't think that's what's going on here. Look back at 16:14. If the Spirit of the Lord is a real person (a living Spirit) and this Spirit is contrasted with an evil spirit. It's likely that we're talking about an actual entity. The Holy Spirit only moved upon people in the OT for certain occasions or offices and it was temporary. It's only the NT after Jesus left that the Spirit comes inside the followers of Christ to dwell forever. That's how the Spirit of God could leave Saul and a different one enter him.
Now, does this mean God is the author of evil? No. I think the only answer we can give here is that God allowed this spirit to torment Saul. He allowed it as further punishment of Saul's disobedience. God didn't produce this evil spirit, He allowed it to come upon Saul. Now I've gotta be honest with you... I don't like the word “allowed.” In my mind I'm thinking, “If we say allowed it makes it a passive act on God's part and if we say He straight up sent it, it becomes an active act on God's part. So either way isn't it God doing it?” But then I'm reminded of Job. God allowed Satan to torment Job. He allowed it for a greater purpose that neither Job, nor his friends nor his family could see. It was all in God's capable hands though. It was hidden in the mystery of God's sovereignty (His control and outworkings in the lives of his people). So I'm thinking the allowing is the only biblical direction we can go at this point. BUT you can be sure that's one of the first things I'm gonna ask God about when we all get to heaven. It'll be one of those things we find on the endless celestial wall of pamphlets of correct doctrine.
But this spirit came upon Saul and it caused him to “rave” in the midst of the house. Some of your translations say prophesy. I think the idea here is captured more in the “raving.” He was raving like a madman. He had an emotional outburst of anger that caused him to attempt to murder David. Some say Saul was prophesying good things to fool David from what he was about to do, but I can't see that because David caught on to it and avoided his attempts twice. V.12 adds fear to our list of Saul's emotions. He knew God was no longer with him, but was now with David.
Let's look at v.13-16. Saul tried to kill David and it didn't work. He knew it wouldn't work. At least at this moment. He didn't want David in his sight. So he removed him from his presence and sent him off to war. And the Bible says Saul dreaded David. He held a fearful awe for David. Saul thought this would take care of his problem.
It would be very easy for me to say to you tonight, “Saul was jealous of David. Don't be jealous” and to stop there. Jealousy is wrong but there's more here. If I did that it would ignore the big picture. You see all that God said was coming to pass before Saul's very eyes. His kingdom was slipping through his fingers and He was powerless to stop it. This brings us the whole point of this passage tonight and it's this...
When your plan isn't God's plan, fighting against Him is futile.
“futile” (a waste of time and emotion)
His plan was to ignore what the prophet Samuel said.
His plan was to remain king.
His plan was for David to serve his army and bring him the glory.
His plan was to kill David and secure his own destiny.
His plan... wasn't God's plan. Do you see that?
So I ask you again as I did before, How do you react when your plan isn't God's plan? It's ok to plan. It's wise to plan. But what happens when those plans don't go the way you wanted?
How often have you and I wanted to build and maintain our own little kingdoms? It may be a kingdom of ministry, a kingdom of romance, a kingdom of corporate success, a kingdom of the way you think a household should be run, etc. and anything that looks like it's getting in our way turns us into a screaming angry child who can't have the candy as we're going through the grocery store checkout line. We get jealous when someone at work gets the praise. We get jealous when the other guy gets the girl. We look at our plan falling apart and don't consider for a moment that it may not be God's plan for us.
Here's what I want you to do... the next time things aren't going your way (even if it's small) ask the question, “What is God doing here? What direction does God seem to be going?” Trust me, save yourself the pain and heartache that will come when you fight against God. God will win. He will. And the next time you see the kid in the grocery store that whines to his mom. Look up and ask, “Lord... is that me right now? Am I trying to have it my way?”
Because, when your plan isn't God's plan, fighting against Him is futile.
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