This is a question I and most of my fellow students will be asked repeatedly over the next few weeks. I wasn't sure what to expect when entering this past break. I can ultimately it was a combination of busy, relaxing, and full of awkwardness... as usual I suppose. It was awkward because it seems the longer I spend more time here at college than at home, this place and these people become more of a home and family to me than my actual one. There are a number of reasons for this, but it's primarily just the time spent. I found myself taking longer to re-adjust or perhaps not adjusting at all when I went to church and especially to work over break. It's amazing to almost watch the lives of people pass by as you're away for months at a time. I saw new people at church, new looks, maturity, and all kinds of things. I wasn't able or at least didn't pursue evangelism as strongly as I could have. I was going to go the last night, but made a promise to spend time with someone before leaving.
Much of my break wa spent studying Greek to make up for last semester. I went through a lot of Mounce's book page by page... which I recommend wholeheartedly. Still have catching up to do tomorrow with that. I spent too much time time staying up late watching TV. I also had time to meet with a few people, but not all that I wanted to sadly. Last night I was over at an old friend's house up till 2am talking about studying Hebrew and speaking in tongues with him and his dad.
I got a good check from the grandparents for CHRISTmas that primarily went to school. I did pick up a few gifts for myself with it. Found a couple CDs I'd wanted for $6 each and a Hebrew Grammar book for half price that I couldn't pass up. My best friend also got me some workout shoes for this semester. Please Lord let me be disciplined enough to get back into a regular workout routine. This is not a New Year's Resolution. Also had 2 separate friends get married and one get engaged over break. It allowed me to ponder a bit on my status and what that meant to me. I was reminded that yes I am single but that God doesn't stop being sovereign.
Well... time for dinner!
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Updates, Disciplemaking, Balcony Hecklers, and more
It's been some time since I've written. It seems the urge comes during times like these. I have a paper due in two days where I still have about 6 of the OT prophetical books to summarize and here I sit. I really do miss journaling. I've had so much happen that I could write a book.
Not long ago we had a seminary fair on campus and as I consider where I would go if the Lord wills, I continue to lean toward The Master's Seminary (http://www.tms.edu/). As I focus on Biblical Exposition here at Moody, I believe my graduate work should be focused on Biblical Counseling. As a pastor I want to be able to preach well and be a shepherd well and while I know much will continue to come with experience, I believe a focus on counseling next would be appropriate. I'm confident now more than ever that God would have me in a pastoral role. While I don't know where or in what capacity, I believe God has continued to affirm this. This morning in our retirement home ministry at Concord Place, it hit me that a women in the small congregation our group has really grown in her walk through the Lord using our ministry. A woman who used to interrupt the preacher and correct the worship team after every service has become a woman who asks us to thank God for all the He provides during prayer time, who helps pick up the hymnbooks after the service, and who told us she shared Christ with someone this past week. She may not be perfect, but neither are we.
A woman who believed God spoke to her through a message I gave felt that she needed to reach out with the gospel to others in her retirement home community and handed out almost 100 tracts in one week. If one woman who can barely move in a wheelchair can do that... what does that say about us? We had the opportunity recently to visit some of the residents in their rooms. Norma was the woman who used the tracts. I love her so much. Her and her roommate Algie are the funniest. Algie was a secretary at Moody for about 40 years. Norma once asked us what we thought of Joel Osteen. She said she just "itches" every time he comes on and she wished he would "just open the Bible and study it." She said Algie needed to exercise or she would just sit there and "get FAT." We've really enjoyed these people. I'll be praying about whether or not God wants me to stay in that ministry next semester. Currently I plan to switch to Student Outreach. I know the leadership will need some help next semester and I really miss being out on the frontlines seeking the lost.
Last night about 9 of us went out to the Chicago Festival of Lights in the usual general area the group goes to witness. I hadn't preached in some time so my voice has been a bit deep today. It was pretty cold, but we still spent about 1 1/2 hours out there. Once Matthew and I started preaching the crowds came. We had plenty of teens listening and even a group from a local church who came over to encourage us. For the first time I was heckled from the balcony of a building. They kept yelling "shut up!" To which I responded that some people will shut up on judgment day because their knees will be bowing and tongues confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord. The hecklers helped further the gospel as they often do because the tracts were flooding out of the hands of the students. Apparently each open air sermon provided opportunities for excellent conversations as well. Matthew is coming along well. I began mentoring him last semester and helping him channel the zeal. I remember the first time he ever stood on a stool and read a passage of Scripture out loud to open up for me... he still had some mild mockers even though he was reading Scripture. God's Word brings many reactions... may it bring a reaction of change in people's hearts. But yeah, it looks like Matthew has found his proper volume, anunciates his words well, and even had an engaging and interesting springboard. He tells stories well. Here's one of the videos from that night. Sorry we didn't get the hecklers on film...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guOxVwTd1Is
Meanwhile Nick who I've been mentoring when I return home to Texas is following the same path I did a couple years ago. He's started burning copies of Hell's Best Secret and visiting local churches to hand them out to the youth groups and pastors. Nick is still in high school and he often calls me to tell of his evangelistic efforts in the school. I praise God so much for him. Often I wish I was saved back in high school, but in a way... Nick is reaching those I never got a chance to reach. While we're talking about different high schools, I rejoice that God saves people into such legally closed environments to be witnesses for His truth.
The past couple weeks God has also continued to draw me closer to Himself. My devotional life is better than what it was and God has been providing for me. It's been so difficult to have faith. The other day I called my dad who reminded me of a life insurance policy I'd forgotten I had that he suggested I cash out to help pay for school. I'm continuing to pray about that as it seems to have come at just the time I was beginning to get worried about what the future would hold. The numbers currently say that I will run out of money by the end of next semester. This insurance money may be the Lord's provision. As the economy seems to be not doing well and my has to pay the employees with his credit card, I have to trust God that He will provide for my school payments if He wants me to be here. I'll be applying at a couple campus jobs for next semester that pay more than what I'm currently making. We'll see what God does.
Tonight a few of us from my Intro level evangelism and discipleship class did a project. It was a "Servant Evangelism" project. The professor has been better than I expected in that he makes points like he doesn't really like calling the project Servant Evangelism, because the point of it is not necessarily evangelism. On the same note, when we interact with lost people... I can't help but remember Paul's words in 1 Cor. 9:16, "...woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" As a buddy of mine on campus says, "if we focus on Jesus we will begin to have His heart for the lost." While I'm not promoting legalistic motivations that force us every single time we're within 4 feet of someone to attempt to witness to them, I do think if we're going out to interact with the lost and letting them know in any way that we are Christians... we should not leave Christs' gospel out of our encounter. I must admit it broke my heart to hear that we shouldn't hand out tracts just because we didn't plan to stick around and have a conversation to go along with them. The nature of what we were doing and the places to which we went weren't all good for conversations. I'm just horrified at the thought that at the chance to either share the gospel in some format or not share it at all... that we would choose to not share it at all. I handed out two tracts, but I can't help but wonder how many of those restaurant employees will taste those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from Moody Bible Institute students and still one day taste spiritual death in a lake of fire. Oh Lord may we see the harvest, get up off the porch, and be the laborers you have called us to be.
Not long ago we had a seminary fair on campus and as I consider where I would go if the Lord wills, I continue to lean toward The Master's Seminary (http://www.tms.edu/). As I focus on Biblical Exposition here at Moody, I believe my graduate work should be focused on Biblical Counseling. As a pastor I want to be able to preach well and be a shepherd well and while I know much will continue to come with experience, I believe a focus on counseling next would be appropriate. I'm confident now more than ever that God would have me in a pastoral role. While I don't know where or in what capacity, I believe God has continued to affirm this. This morning in our retirement home ministry at Concord Place, it hit me that a women in the small congregation our group has really grown in her walk through the Lord using our ministry. A woman who used to interrupt the preacher and correct the worship team after every service has become a woman who asks us to thank God for all the He provides during prayer time, who helps pick up the hymnbooks after the service, and who told us she shared Christ with someone this past week. She may not be perfect, but neither are we.
A woman who believed God spoke to her through a message I gave felt that she needed to reach out with the gospel to others in her retirement home community and handed out almost 100 tracts in one week. If one woman who can barely move in a wheelchair can do that... what does that say about us? We had the opportunity recently to visit some of the residents in their rooms. Norma was the woman who used the tracts. I love her so much. Her and her roommate Algie are the funniest. Algie was a secretary at Moody for about 40 years. Norma once asked us what we thought of Joel Osteen. She said she just "itches" every time he comes on and she wished he would "just open the Bible and study it." She said Algie needed to exercise or she would just sit there and "get FAT." We've really enjoyed these people. I'll be praying about whether or not God wants me to stay in that ministry next semester. Currently I plan to switch to Student Outreach. I know the leadership will need some help next semester and I really miss being out on the frontlines seeking the lost.
Last night about 9 of us went out to the Chicago Festival of Lights in the usual general area the group goes to witness. I hadn't preached in some time so my voice has been a bit deep today. It was pretty cold, but we still spent about 1 1/2 hours out there. Once Matthew and I started preaching the crowds came. We had plenty of teens listening and even a group from a local church who came over to encourage us. For the first time I was heckled from the balcony of a building. They kept yelling "shut up!" To which I responded that some people will shut up on judgment day because their knees will be bowing and tongues confessing that Jesus Christ is Lord. The hecklers helped further the gospel as they often do because the tracts were flooding out of the hands of the students. Apparently each open air sermon provided opportunities for excellent conversations as well. Matthew is coming along well. I began mentoring him last semester and helping him channel the zeal. I remember the first time he ever stood on a stool and read a passage of Scripture out loud to open up for me... he still had some mild mockers even though he was reading Scripture. God's Word brings many reactions... may it bring a reaction of change in people's hearts. But yeah, it looks like Matthew has found his proper volume, anunciates his words well, and even had an engaging and interesting springboard. He tells stories well. Here's one of the videos from that night. Sorry we didn't get the hecklers on film...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guOxVwTd1Is
Meanwhile Nick who I've been mentoring when I return home to Texas is following the same path I did a couple years ago. He's started burning copies of Hell's Best Secret and visiting local churches to hand them out to the youth groups and pastors. Nick is still in high school and he often calls me to tell of his evangelistic efforts in the school. I praise God so much for him. Often I wish I was saved back in high school, but in a way... Nick is reaching those I never got a chance to reach. While we're talking about different high schools, I rejoice that God saves people into such legally closed environments to be witnesses for His truth.
The past couple weeks God has also continued to draw me closer to Himself. My devotional life is better than what it was and God has been providing for me. It's been so difficult to have faith. The other day I called my dad who reminded me of a life insurance policy I'd forgotten I had that he suggested I cash out to help pay for school. I'm continuing to pray about that as it seems to have come at just the time I was beginning to get worried about what the future would hold. The numbers currently say that I will run out of money by the end of next semester. This insurance money may be the Lord's provision. As the economy seems to be not doing well and my has to pay the employees with his credit card, I have to trust God that He will provide for my school payments if He wants me to be here. I'll be applying at a couple campus jobs for next semester that pay more than what I'm currently making. We'll see what God does.
Tonight a few of us from my Intro level evangelism and discipleship class did a project. It was a "Servant Evangelism" project. The professor has been better than I expected in that he makes points like he doesn't really like calling the project Servant Evangelism, because the point of it is not necessarily evangelism. On the same note, when we interact with lost people... I can't help but remember Paul's words in 1 Cor. 9:16, "...woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" As a buddy of mine on campus says, "if we focus on Jesus we will begin to have His heart for the lost." While I'm not promoting legalistic motivations that force us every single time we're within 4 feet of someone to attempt to witness to them, I do think if we're going out to interact with the lost and letting them know in any way that we are Christians... we should not leave Christs' gospel out of our encounter. I must admit it broke my heart to hear that we shouldn't hand out tracts just because we didn't plan to stick around and have a conversation to go along with them. The nature of what we were doing and the places to which we went weren't all good for conversations. I'm just horrified at the thought that at the chance to either share the gospel in some format or not share it at all... that we would choose to not share it at all. I handed out two tracts, but I can't help but wonder how many of those restaurant employees will taste those freshly baked chocolate chip cookies from Moody Bible Institute students and still one day taste spiritual death in a lake of fire. Oh Lord may we see the harvest, get up off the porch, and be the laborers you have called us to be.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Life as I know it. Calling Confirmed?
God has taught me much this semester already. It's hard to believe some students are already studying for midterm exams. Recently a friend was stopped as they realized they've been here at school for nearly a year already. God has shown me my heart in more ways than one. It's said of the missionary David Brainerd that he was so depressed and so discouraged that his flesh came out to the point that his "self-pre-occupation was so intense that his Indian charges and their problems figured as little more than intrusions." In other words, those who he was ministering to became more of an annoyance than anything else. God has shown me here that my brothers and sisters around me have become the same way way... particularly when I'v been overwhlemed. God has so convicted me of that in these few short months. My roommate has asked for accountability, friendships are not what they were, and my mental noise would sometimes be dangerous if spoken aloud. The Lord is good however and gracious.
Classes are going as well as they can I suppose, but never to my desire. The jury is still out on whether or not all the work I did over the summer and in the first two weeks of the semester was really worth the burnout it caused. Things seem to be hit and miss. Much of my is spent on greek only for the majority of my grades to return quite low. It's not easy to remind myself that grades aren't everything. I WANT to be effective in future ministry and do well in school. I'm confident in my Greek exam grade though... whenever the prof is able to grade it. The preaching class from here out will be nothing but students preaching and us evaluating. I've made plans to open up some room the two weeks prior to my sermon to work hard on it. We'll see what happens however. Next week is Missions Conference. I've outlined which sessions most interest me. As I continue to consider how exactly god may desire to use me in future ministry, I've come to a realization of sorts. My personality is not prone to like new environments and change. Nor is it easy for me to reserve judgment on different ways of doing things. These two factors would require a major heart change and very specific growth for me to consider a future in Pastoral Missions as I was praying about not long ago. Bearing that in mind, at this moment I'm leaving that to God and have chosen to lean more toward local Pastoral work as I believe I was originally led to do.
One of the clearest affirmations in this direction came as a fellow student in my practical ministry preaching at the retirement home said to me, "I could see you pastoring a church. I don't know that I could've said that at the beginning of last semester." I struggle to remain faithful to God in ways. I struggle with my thoughts in all directions. I struggle with trusting Him sacrificially. It's difficult to step off the cliff of life into the chasm of God's sovereignty. I remember now however it's each time I have done that... that God has really moved in tangible and clear ways. We had a seminary fair here yesterday where about 40 schools were represented. As I considered what they offered and spoke to many of them, I'm looking at an M.A. in Biblical Counseling. Why? Because if I'm able through my experience here to accurately handle the Word of God, another major element I'll need is to be able to shepherd those God places under me. These will be real people with real needs and real hurts that at present I can't say I'm able to confidently address. I want to be a pastor who can fulfill the full sense of "pastor" to God's people. I want to see people grow.
Evangelism has been short here but as often as I can. The 3rd Season of Way of The Master came in the mail Monday and I'm holding a viewing night for the first two episodes tomorrow at 9pm. I'll be praying God uses it to plant seeds for active and intentional evangelism on this campus. Is revival too much to ask for? Last night we had a security guard tell us we needed a permit to preach on the sidewalk in front of a mall. He said the city passed an ordinance that could lead to a $500 fine. I told him the police officers on the horses didn't seem to have a problem with us... he said they and the ones on foot were different. I was laughing rather hard inside... only to later find out that two them walked in front of us in the middle of my preaching. We ignored him and God was good to us with no further disruptions.
Work has been alright. I'm in the transition period. This week I decided to take it easy. I've worked one day catering and next day to work is Saturday. It turns out I accidentially bought a woman's tuxedo jacket. Needless to say, I have the right one now. I can't call to ask for more days until Monday. But it's Missions conference next week... do I want any more days?
Honest thoughts:
God is good, but I face the daily struggle as to if I'm really giving Him my best. Am I giving those around me my best? What will come of this impending financial crisis on our country? How will that affect the financial stability of Moody and my father's financial support?
Classes are going as well as they can I suppose, but never to my desire. The jury is still out on whether or not all the work I did over the summer and in the first two weeks of the semester was really worth the burnout it caused. Things seem to be hit and miss. Much of my is spent on greek only for the majority of my grades to return quite low. It's not easy to remind myself that grades aren't everything. I WANT to be effective in future ministry and do well in school. I'm confident in my Greek exam grade though... whenever the prof is able to grade it. The preaching class from here out will be nothing but students preaching and us evaluating. I've made plans to open up some room the two weeks prior to my sermon to work hard on it. We'll see what happens however. Next week is Missions Conference. I've outlined which sessions most interest me. As I continue to consider how exactly god may desire to use me in future ministry, I've come to a realization of sorts. My personality is not prone to like new environments and change. Nor is it easy for me to reserve judgment on different ways of doing things. These two factors would require a major heart change and very specific growth for me to consider a future in Pastoral Missions as I was praying about not long ago. Bearing that in mind, at this moment I'm leaving that to God and have chosen to lean more toward local Pastoral work as I believe I was originally led to do.
One of the clearest affirmations in this direction came as a fellow student in my practical ministry preaching at the retirement home said to me, "I could see you pastoring a church. I don't know that I could've said that at the beginning of last semester." I struggle to remain faithful to God in ways. I struggle with my thoughts in all directions. I struggle with trusting Him sacrificially. It's difficult to step off the cliff of life into the chasm of God's sovereignty. I remember now however it's each time I have done that... that God has really moved in tangible and clear ways. We had a seminary fair here yesterday where about 40 schools were represented. As I considered what they offered and spoke to many of them, I'm looking at an M.A. in Biblical Counseling. Why? Because if I'm able through my experience here to accurately handle the Word of God, another major element I'll need is to be able to shepherd those God places under me. These will be real people with real needs and real hurts that at present I can't say I'm able to confidently address. I want to be a pastor who can fulfill the full sense of "pastor" to God's people. I want to see people grow.
Evangelism has been short here but as often as I can. The 3rd Season of Way of The Master came in the mail Monday and I'm holding a viewing night for the first two episodes tomorrow at 9pm. I'll be praying God uses it to plant seeds for active and intentional evangelism on this campus. Is revival too much to ask for? Last night we had a security guard tell us we needed a permit to preach on the sidewalk in front of a mall. He said the city passed an ordinance that could lead to a $500 fine. I told him the police officers on the horses didn't seem to have a problem with us... he said they and the ones on foot were different. I was laughing rather hard inside... only to later find out that two them walked in front of us in the middle of my preaching. We ignored him and God was good to us with no further disruptions.
Work has been alright. I'm in the transition period. This week I decided to take it easy. I've worked one day catering and next day to work is Saturday. It turns out I accidentially bought a woman's tuxedo jacket. Needless to say, I have the right one now. I can't call to ask for more days until Monday. But it's Missions conference next week... do I want any more days?
Honest thoughts:
God is good, but I face the daily struggle as to if I'm really giving Him my best. Am I giving those around me my best? What will come of this impending financial crisis on our country? How will that affect the financial stability of Moody and my father's financial support?
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Burnout
Spent too much time shopping yesterday for a work uniform. Spent too much time socializing last night. I've had less than 5 hours of sleep. Skipped chapel. Skipped Old Testament. I have a major paper due Thursday... of which I have about 30% done. I have a Greek quiz in under 2 hours... of which I'm hardly confident. I work tonight. Got a short paper due Wednesday morning. Lord... I'm silent before you. Nothing I seem to do is enough. I can't stay up like I used to. I can't push the envelope like before. I'm drowning. I don't even know what a time of rest looks like anymore. I am a zombie.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
The Laments of a Street Preacher in Bible College
general stuff:
Classes have been rather intensive this semester. The thought of not having prepared over the summer only makes me shudder. I can't sit on it too long. That's done and over... time to deal with the now. The now is that I see 4 days a week of work (24 hours-the school's max) will likely be too much. I'll be working one less day a week beginning next week. That would equal about 2-3 hours per week less than last semester. Lord please provide! This semester has brought a lot of reading with it. Nearly all of the textbooks are required reading by the end of the semester... some of them have deadlines and/or accompanying book reports. Currently I have a majority of the reading done for this semester, but will it be enough? The amount of reading I've done has caused my roommate to be concerned that I may be approaching burnout. He is conspiring to capture and drag me off to a social event. His sincere efforts may not be kindly welcomed. For those who believe Bible college will be a paradise of studying the Bible, worship, fellowship, and an almost sure bet to find your soulmate amongst the fish in the pond of believers... wake up :).
I find myself struggling in the amount of study and preparation I put into my ministry at the retirement home. The work ethic in me and care for the people desires to give them the best I can. What does that look like though? Last semester it took anywhere from 6-10 hours a week to prepare a sermon I was somewhat satisfied with. Can I even do that this semester? I'm studying Greek and doing its' homework nearly every day and that's just to keep up! I can go on and on... there's never nothing to do here! Now that that's off my chest... I do know that I get what I bargained for... I know that ministry won't be easy and training for ministry won't be easy either. The time struggles are real. The financial struggles are real. The relational struggles are real. Even the theological struggles can be real (as hopefully we don't accept everything we believe at face value). I tell myself to stop whining but does that help? It doesn't stop what goes on in my head.
Just the other day I read the last portion of Haddon Robinson's Biblical Preaching and was inspired by the fact that God will and chooses to use our ministry regardless of how much we think we have or have not put into it. He explained how amazing it is to see when people approach him after a service and tell him how the message blessed their lives that day when he knows he thought it could have been better or he wanted more time to prepare something. That can only be the Holy Spirit. That's not the first time I've heard a story like that from a pastor. I suppose that's where I should find my rest. God has me here in the exact places I am for His exact purposes. Last Sunday I had a woman tell me about an angry lady on her floor at the retirement home who when people walk by she tries to coax them in and when they refuse... she cusses them out. The woman said she thinks God may be telling her to go in and share the gospel with that lady. I agreed that she should and she was honest in saying, "but I don't want to." If only the average Christian was that honest... maybe we would get somewhere in our obedience to the Word.
Laments:
I laugh inside as I type that word. It seems one of the common things a melancholy does is lament. His laments often occur much more often than the fraction of them made public. Love me or hate me... here ya go... (beep, beep, beep... the sound of the dumptruck raising its load)
A Fransiscan missionary monk, Raymond Lull dedicated his life to preaching the gospel to the Muslim community in 1235 AD. As he traveled to North Africa to witness, it's said one of his tactics was to hold up a copy of the Ten Commandments and announce that the prophet Muhammad had broken each one. Some were saved and some stoned him to death in 1315 (from Introducing World Missions By Scott Moreau). While our goal isn't to be stoned to death... we obviously must recognize the reality and power of the law of God to confront humanity with its' sin and the severity of it.
I sit in my classes this semester related to evangelism and they are as I expected. I knew I would be pulling my hair out and I surely am. These ideas of man-centered evangelism, lifestyle evangelism, and passive "sweet and cuddly" evangelism are causing a fidget fest in my classroom chair. Recently a student said the only way we can reach this postmodern world is to practice the methods of Michael Simpson's Permission Evangelism. This is to act in such a way that you strategically get them to ask you for permission to share your testimony and shy away from discussion of hell or the severity of sin beyond the idea that it "separates us from God." Today in class a professor made a plug for lifestyle evangelism and a quiet girl spoke up in class to eloquently say that a perspective like that often leads her to justify not sharing at all. The professor tried to agree where he could, but soon continued. Another professor spoke of the homeless man he saw regurlary as he walked the streets of Chicago passing the same location. He talked of how he was trying to build a relationship with the man. A student raised his hand to ask, "What if that guy died tomorrow?" I met that student today. He's a fan of Mark Cahill.
What hurts more is to see my fellow students nodd in affirmation, give vocal Christian "mmmm's" in agreement, and walk up after class to express their gratitude in the perspective and philosophy they're learning. Where is our fervor of urgency? Where does the desire we say we have actually meet our methodology? As I continue to meet those of the seemingly small group of students who support intentional evangelism, I praise God yet remain in the dilemma. Lord, these people are going to leave this school and minister to people who will become the next generation of "Christian" hecklers that come up to the believer preaching the truth on the streets and tell him "this isn't the Jesus I know." I could spend all the rest of the night talking about all this, but in fairness I will say one of the teachers did make an important clarification that I will praise him for and share with you... you CAN be relational in evangelism without having a relationship built. Ponder on that... it's one of the good things I've taken from the class.
Classes have been rather intensive this semester. The thought of not having prepared over the summer only makes me shudder. I can't sit on it too long. That's done and over... time to deal with the now. The now is that I see 4 days a week of work (24 hours-the school's max) will likely be too much. I'll be working one less day a week beginning next week. That would equal about 2-3 hours per week less than last semester. Lord please provide! This semester has brought a lot of reading with it. Nearly all of the textbooks are required reading by the end of the semester... some of them have deadlines and/or accompanying book reports. Currently I have a majority of the reading done for this semester, but will it be enough? The amount of reading I've done has caused my roommate to be concerned that I may be approaching burnout. He is conspiring to capture and drag me off to a social event. His sincere efforts may not be kindly welcomed. For those who believe Bible college will be a paradise of studying the Bible, worship, fellowship, and an almost sure bet to find your soulmate amongst the fish in the pond of believers... wake up :).
I find myself struggling in the amount of study and preparation I put into my ministry at the retirement home. The work ethic in me and care for the people desires to give them the best I can. What does that look like though? Last semester it took anywhere from 6-10 hours a week to prepare a sermon I was somewhat satisfied with. Can I even do that this semester? I'm studying Greek and doing its' homework nearly every day and that's just to keep up! I can go on and on... there's never nothing to do here! Now that that's off my chest... I do know that I get what I bargained for... I know that ministry won't be easy and training for ministry won't be easy either. The time struggles are real. The financial struggles are real. The relational struggles are real. Even the theological struggles can be real (as hopefully we don't accept everything we believe at face value). I tell myself to stop whining but does that help? It doesn't stop what goes on in my head.
Just the other day I read the last portion of Haddon Robinson's Biblical Preaching and was inspired by the fact that God will and chooses to use our ministry regardless of how much we think we have or have not put into it. He explained how amazing it is to see when people approach him after a service and tell him how the message blessed their lives that day when he knows he thought it could have been better or he wanted more time to prepare something. That can only be the Holy Spirit. That's not the first time I've heard a story like that from a pastor. I suppose that's where I should find my rest. God has me here in the exact places I am for His exact purposes. Last Sunday I had a woman tell me about an angry lady on her floor at the retirement home who when people walk by she tries to coax them in and when they refuse... she cusses them out. The woman said she thinks God may be telling her to go in and share the gospel with that lady. I agreed that she should and she was honest in saying, "but I don't want to." If only the average Christian was that honest... maybe we would get somewhere in our obedience to the Word.
Laments:
I laugh inside as I type that word. It seems one of the common things a melancholy does is lament. His laments often occur much more often than the fraction of them made public. Love me or hate me... here ya go... (beep, beep, beep... the sound of the dumptruck raising its load)
A Fransiscan missionary monk, Raymond Lull dedicated his life to preaching the gospel to the Muslim community in 1235 AD. As he traveled to North Africa to witness, it's said one of his tactics was to hold up a copy of the Ten Commandments and announce that the prophet Muhammad had broken each one. Some were saved and some stoned him to death in 1315 (from Introducing World Missions By Scott Moreau). While our goal isn't to be stoned to death... we obviously must recognize the reality and power of the law of God to confront humanity with its' sin and the severity of it.
I sit in my classes this semester related to evangelism and they are as I expected. I knew I would be pulling my hair out and I surely am. These ideas of man-centered evangelism, lifestyle evangelism, and passive "sweet and cuddly" evangelism are causing a fidget fest in my classroom chair. Recently a student said the only way we can reach this postmodern world is to practice the methods of Michael Simpson's Permission Evangelism. This is to act in such a way that you strategically get them to ask you for permission to share your testimony and shy away from discussion of hell or the severity of sin beyond the idea that it "separates us from God." Today in class a professor made a plug for lifestyle evangelism and a quiet girl spoke up in class to eloquently say that a perspective like that often leads her to justify not sharing at all. The professor tried to agree where he could, but soon continued. Another professor spoke of the homeless man he saw regurlary as he walked the streets of Chicago passing the same location. He talked of how he was trying to build a relationship with the man. A student raised his hand to ask, "What if that guy died tomorrow?" I met that student today. He's a fan of Mark Cahill.
What hurts more is to see my fellow students nodd in affirmation, give vocal Christian "mmmm's" in agreement, and walk up after class to express their gratitude in the perspective and philosophy they're learning. Where is our fervor of urgency? Where does the desire we say we have actually meet our methodology? As I continue to meet those of the seemingly small group of students who support intentional evangelism, I praise God yet remain in the dilemma. Lord, these people are going to leave this school and minister to people who will become the next generation of "Christian" hecklers that come up to the believer preaching the truth on the streets and tell him "this isn't the Jesus I know." I could spend all the rest of the night talking about all this, but in fairness I will say one of the teachers did make an important clarification that I will praise him for and share with you... you CAN be relational in evangelism without having a relationship built. Ponder on that... it's one of the good things I've taken from the class.
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