general stuff:
Classes have been rather intensive this semester. The thought of not having prepared over the summer only makes me shudder. I can't sit on it too long. That's done and over... time to deal with the now. The now is that I see 4 days a week of work (24 hours-the school's max) will likely be too much. I'll be working one less day a week beginning next week. That would equal about 2-3 hours per week less than last semester. Lord please provide! This semester has brought a lot of reading with it. Nearly all of the textbooks are required reading by the end of the semester... some of them have deadlines and/or accompanying book reports. Currently I have a majority of the reading done for this semester, but will it be enough? The amount of reading I've done has caused my roommate to be concerned that I may be approaching burnout. He is conspiring to capture and drag me off to a social event. His sincere efforts may not be kindly welcomed. For those who believe Bible college will be a paradise of studying the Bible, worship, fellowship, and an almost sure bet to find your soulmate amongst the fish in the pond of believers... wake up :).
I find myself struggling in the amount of study and preparation I put into my ministry at the retirement home. The work ethic in me and care for the people desires to give them the best I can. What does that look like though? Last semester it took anywhere from 6-10 hours a week to prepare a sermon I was somewhat satisfied with. Can I even do that this semester? I'm studying Greek and doing its' homework nearly every day and that's just to keep up! I can go on and on... there's never nothing to do here! Now that that's off my chest... I do know that I get what I bargained for... I know that ministry won't be easy and training for ministry won't be easy either. The time struggles are real. The financial struggles are real. The relational struggles are real. Even the theological struggles can be real (as hopefully we don't accept everything we believe at face value). I tell myself to stop whining but does that help? It doesn't stop what goes on in my head.
Just the other day I read the last portion of Haddon Robinson's Biblical Preaching and was inspired by the fact that God will and chooses to use our ministry regardless of how much we think we have or have not put into it. He explained how amazing it is to see when people approach him after a service and tell him how the message blessed their lives that day when he knows he thought it could have been better or he wanted more time to prepare something. That can only be the Holy Spirit. That's not the first time I've heard a story like that from a pastor. I suppose that's where I should find my rest. God has me here in the exact places I am for His exact purposes. Last Sunday I had a woman tell me about an angry lady on her floor at the retirement home who when people walk by she tries to coax them in and when they refuse... she cusses them out. The woman said she thinks God may be telling her to go in and share the gospel with that lady. I agreed that she should and she was honest in saying, "but I don't want to." If only the average Christian was that honest... maybe we would get somewhere in our obedience to the Word.
Laments:
I laugh inside as I type that word. It seems one of the common things a melancholy does is lament. His laments often occur much more often than the fraction of them made public. Love me or hate me... here ya go... (beep, beep, beep... the sound of the dumptruck raising its load)
A Fransiscan missionary monk, Raymond Lull dedicated his life to preaching the gospel to the Muslim community in 1235 AD. As he traveled to North Africa to witness, it's said one of his tactics was to hold up a copy of the Ten Commandments and announce that the prophet Muhammad had broken each one. Some were saved and some stoned him to death in 1315 (from Introducing World Missions By Scott Moreau). While our goal isn't to be stoned to death... we obviously must recognize the reality and power of the law of God to confront humanity with its' sin and the severity of it.
I sit in my classes this semester related to evangelism and they are as I expected. I knew I would be pulling my hair out and I surely am. These ideas of man-centered evangelism, lifestyle evangelism, and passive "sweet and cuddly" evangelism are causing a fidget fest in my classroom chair. Recently a student said the only way we can reach this postmodern world is to practice the methods of Michael Simpson's Permission Evangelism. This is to act in such a way that you strategically get them to ask you for permission to share your testimony and shy away from discussion of hell or the severity of sin beyond the idea that it "separates us from God." Today in class a professor made a plug for lifestyle evangelism and a quiet girl spoke up in class to eloquently say that a perspective like that often leads her to justify not sharing at all. The professor tried to agree where he could, but soon continued. Another professor spoke of the homeless man he saw regurlary as he walked the streets of Chicago passing the same location. He talked of how he was trying to build a relationship with the man. A student raised his hand to ask, "What if that guy died tomorrow?" I met that student today. He's a fan of Mark Cahill.
What hurts more is to see my fellow students nodd in affirmation, give vocal Christian "mmmm's" in agreement, and walk up after class to express their gratitude in the perspective and philosophy they're learning. Where is our fervor of urgency? Where does the desire we say we have actually meet our methodology? As I continue to meet those of the seemingly small group of students who support intentional evangelism, I praise God yet remain in the dilemma. Lord, these people are going to leave this school and minister to people who will become the next generation of "Christian" hecklers that come up to the believer preaching the truth on the streets and tell him "this isn't the Jesus I know." I could spend all the rest of the night talking about all this, but in fairness I will say one of the teachers did make an important clarification that I will praise him for and share with you... you CAN be relational in evangelism without having a relationship built. Ponder on that... it's one of the good things I've taken from the class.
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