Hello again blog,
We’ve been apart for some time now it feels. It’s hard to believe the last time I wrote was in late October. Let me update a bit. Life has been good and I’m still taking it easy. I find that on some levels I’m still healing from my last breakup. It’s been a challenge at times to re-examine my thoughts on how I view God’s leading, how view the way relationships should be done, how I view the emotions of a woman. I’ve asked a lot of questions and done a lot of thinking and talking with friends. I’m glad to say that through all my speculation I’m sure the Lord has it all figured out and this takes some pressure off. My approach has been to simply have the faith of a child. A child doesn’t worry about where their next meal will come from or if they’ll have a roof over their head tomorrow or any of that. A child has a simple faith. As I’ve had time to take a step back and rethink some things, I’ve come to realize just how much we can complicate life. Trying to discern and read God can really come back to bite you if you put too much weight on what you think He’s doing. It’s one thing to trust God for your future, but it’s whole different thing to trust God for the future that you want for yourself and get upset when He starts doing something different.
I continue to recover and regroup emotionally and spiritually. I say I’ve taken things a day at a time because frankly that’s all I’ve had strength to do. I’m healing well however, growing still, drawing near to Him, and pursuing Him where He has me today. I’ve realized that it takes more faith to trust God when I truly don’t know what’s next than it does to trust Him for what I in my mind THINKS is next. I’m tired of worrying what’s next. The interior repair job is going well. It can be hard at times learning new things and getting frustrated when I mess it up. It’s a fun job though. I look forward to getting better and doing it well. The pool job let me go. The owner wanted to fire one of his employees and seemed to have all these dreams of hiring me on full time eventually to take his place. He talked it up real big even though I told him I’d given my other job a 2 year commitment. I worked at the pool job part time for a little while until he asked me one day if I was good with going full time in January. I told him again I had given my word to the other job. I was willing to work part time for the pool job until God closed the door on it and I went full time with the other one or until something else happened. I don’t know the future but I was willing to continue and let God do what He wanted to do. The night before my next workday at just after 10pm the owner sent me a text message and let me go, saying my last paychecks would be taped to his door. I was disappointed he did it over text message and that he was willing to move forward and expect me to break the commitment I’d given to the other job for him. What would it have said of me if I couldn’t keep my word with someone else? I’m glad God did this however. There was a lot of drama with that company that I was brought into unnecessarily and I just trust that God was protecting me from something He didn’t want for me. I’ve picked up some construction work with my pastor and am working my main job part time. Looks like I’ve been learning a lot of new things lately.
Still leading music at church and teaching every now and then. I got to do almost the entire Christmas service… it was stressful with so much on my shoulders and a number of technical difficulties all happening at once, but we pulled it off! The gospel was preached, though I could’ve been a little deeper and had more application I think. It was a simple message. My friend and I are talking of teaching an evangelism class. I’ve dreamed of doing that for some time. We’d probably start with the youth and see how it would go with the adults. We’ll see if it actually happens this time, lol. It takes a lot of planning and commitment to do something like that.
Other than that, I’m pleased to announce I’ve quit the world of online dating. I met a wonderful woman on Christianmingle. We chatted for about a week, then dated a few times over a period of about a month, then we decided to tell the others we were talking to that we planned to invest in eachother. We agreed that the next logical step was make it official. Since her parents aren’t believers, I pursued the man who she considers her spiritual father, asked his blessing, and we’ve been together for about 2 months now. I never thought I’d ever agree to just casual dating, but this was different. It wasn’t without direction or without talk of serious things. She’s 23 and has been saved for about 6 years. She’s the only believer in her family as I am. Strangely enough we have a very similar personality mix, though that ultimately isn’t a big deal for me… it’s just a plus. Being with her has shown me just how much Choleric is mixed into my personality or is at least learned. It’s interesting how well we can interact, joke, and yet have deep conversations. Beyond all this, it’s been so refreshing for me to actually feel wanted for the man who God has made me. For so long now and especially recently I’ve felt so rejected. For so long I’d heard things like, “Joseph, you’re a great guy, but…” I’d heard it in so many ways that I was growing so tired. I’d also shown it in so many ways as best I could… with the women in my life as friends and even those whom I was interested in and when I was in a relationship. It just seemed however that no matter how much I did, no matter how hard I tried, no matter much I tried to show love, leadership, and protection to my sisters in Christ… when it came to more than friends, it was always met with the message that it wasn’t good enough for one reason or another. I kept asking God why He made me the man I am and why He taught me what He had only for it to be rejected. It seems that only a woman who had been treated badly, who couldn’t find a man with the courage to pursue, who was willing to give and be vulnerable but was tired of being taken advantage of… only this kind of woman could appreciate a man that treats her well. And this is what has happened. If I’m to be honest… I found it hard to believe a woman like this could exist. I was beginning to lose hope in women altogether. God has been gracious to me. Though I refuse to presume I know the future… I’m glad that today God has given me a woman who is more than I’d hoped for. She’s not perfect, but that’s good because that means we have something in common!
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