"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. 13Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to exhortation, to teaching. 14Do not neglect the gift you have, which was given you by prophecy when the council of elders laid their hands on you. 15Practice these things, immerse yourself in them, so that all may see your progress. 16Keep a close watch on yourself and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourself and your hearers." -1 Tim. 4:12-16
A good friend recently gave me some timeless advice... he said when he was going through a difficult time emotionally, he immersed himself in ministry. As I've struggled with maintaining emotional stability I've realized that I have too much time on my hands. Too much time can lead to too much speculation, too much remembering, too much worrying about tomorrow when today has enough in itself. So I've made the decision to be busy about the things of God. My pastor has been prodding me to learn to lead music. I think he wants to eventually give me that responsibility. I texted him and said let's do it and let's also plan the next time I get to preach. I need to be in the Word more. I read every day, but I need to serve others with it. I know there's an interesting phenomenon that when you invest in the lives of others and serve them... you're own troubles have a way of fading into the background. So, Lord... may that happen for me as I immerse myself in the things of You, the gems of Your Word, and the service of Your people.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
More From Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas
"A magnificent marriage begins not with knowing one another, but with knowing God." -Gary and Betsy Ricucci
Gary explains how his single life changed after marriage.. "Overnight everything had changed. My usual rituals and spiritual habits just didn't seem to 'fit' my life anymore. I had to find new ones."
"Marriage virtually forces us into the intense act of reconciliation. It's easy to get along with people if you never get close to them. I could undoubtedly allow a certain immaturity to remain in my life as a single man, choosing not to deal with my selfishness and judgmental spirit..."
"I'm not obligated to be in a relationship with everybody, so there's nothing inherently wrong with simply sidestepping people who really raise my blood pressure. That option is obliterated in marriage. My wife and I live together every day. We are going to disagree about some things, and I am unquestionably obligated to maintain my intimacy with her. When we face unrealized expectations, disappoint each other, or even maliciously wound each other, will we allow dissension-which God hates-to predominate, or will we do the necessary relational work to press ahead to unity?"
"Many marital disputes result precisely from this: 'You want something but don't get it.' James says we don't get it because we're looking in the wrong place. Instead of placing demands on your spouse, look to God to have your needs met."
Gary confronts a common misconception that young single adults often believe "once their life mate is found, they assume, everything else will fall into place. Their loneliness, their insecurity, their worries about their own significance-all this and more will somehow mystically melt away in the fire of marital passion."
"When disillusionment breaks through, we have one of two choices: Dump our spouse and become infatuated with somebody new, or seek to understand the message behind the disillusionment-that we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being."
From C. S. Lewis... "If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
"Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, 'Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married for about a year said, 'I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began... dealing with differences, I how saw small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before.'"
"I believe it is possible to enter marriage with a view to being cleansed spiritually, if, that is, we do so with a willingness to embrace marriage as a spiritual discipline. To do this, we must not enter marriage predominantly to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ. We must embrace the reality of having our flaws exposed to our partner, and thereby having them exposed to us as well. Sin never seems quite as shocking when it is known only to us; when we see how it looks or sounds to another, it is magnified ten times over."
"The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a 'better' wife."
About God's relationship with Israel... "Now take these examples and break them down, thinking of them in a smaller context. There were times of great joy and celebration, frustration and anger, infidelity and apostasy, and excruciating seasons of silence. Sound like any relationship you know? Your own marriage, for example? Viewed through this lens, the marriage relationship allows us to experientially identify with God and His relationship with Israel."
"So often it isn't that our marriages are either good or bad-they just are. We get tired of the routine and the sameness, and our souls occasionally grow numb toward each other. Kathleen and Thomas Hart depict it this way: 'Marriage is a long walk two people take together. Sometimes the terrain is very interesting, sometimes rather dull. At times the walk is arduous, for both person or for one. Sometimes the conversation is lively; at other times, there is not much to say. The travelers do not know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive.'"
"When I hear of couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't even begun to experience what being married is really like. It's sort of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights; you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle, but it's too much too soon to experience the full rewards. Evaluating your marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half baked. Becoming one-in the deepest, most intimate sense-takes time. It's a journey that never really ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to really display itself in the marriage relationship."
About the world of earthly and horizontal considerations VS the world of heavenly eternal considerations, "Around which world is your life centered? Your marriage will ultimately reveal the answer to that question."
"We're always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants us to deal with our own heart first."
"They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake." -Alexander Pope
"We have it so easy that we can begin to be lulled to sleep, thinking that life should be easy or that it will always be easy. Once it gets a little difficult, we tend to become consumed with trying to make our lives comfortable again. But by doing so we miss a great spiritual opportunity."
"Our demands for comfort and ease show us what we truly value. It is the definitive demonstration of whether we are living for God's kingdom and service or for our own comfort and reputation."
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it's that a good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront, and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential."
"One of the great spiritual challenges for any Christian is to become less self-absorbed. We are born intensely self-focused."
"I believe that Christian marriage is also about learning to fall forward. Obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our feelings and our senses. When this happens the spiritually immature respond by pulling back, becoming more distant from their spouse, or even seeking to start over with somebody 'more exciting.' Yet maturity is reached by continuing to move forward past the pain and apathy."
"Even in the moments of anger, betrayal, exasperation, and hurt, we are called to pursue this person, to embrace them, and to grow toward them, to let our love redefine our feelings of disinterest, frustration, and even hate." AMEN!
"Many married couples have experienced this same phenomenon. Our thinking and our turn of phrases have literally been so shaped by each other's presence that we have begun to resemble one person."
"In the rush of infatuation, the person standing before us seems virtually infinite in his or her mystery, beauty, insight, and ability to create the feeling of pure pleasure in us. Just a few months or perhaps years later, it is amazing how finite and earthly this 'angel' has become."
Lord, my prayers continue. Thank you God for bringing this book into my life. The truth contained in it I believe is probably the best weapon against the road that leads to divorces. Lord, did you bring me this book so I can use it in counseling in the future? Did you bring it to comfort and affirm me in my time of great need? Did you send it to me at this exact time in my life to let me know I'm not crazy? To let me know that it's not just my sphere of influence agreeing with me? Oh Lord... for whatever reasons you brought me this book, it has done all those things. God I thank you for this author and how he has shown me that I'm not alone. Oh Father... you have shown me so much. Help me now to let these truths and your sovereignty reach my heart more and more as the days and hours pass.
Gary explains how his single life changed after marriage.. "Overnight everything had changed. My usual rituals and spiritual habits just didn't seem to 'fit' my life anymore. I had to find new ones."
"Marriage virtually forces us into the intense act of reconciliation. It's easy to get along with people if you never get close to them. I could undoubtedly allow a certain immaturity to remain in my life as a single man, choosing not to deal with my selfishness and judgmental spirit..."
"I'm not obligated to be in a relationship with everybody, so there's nothing inherently wrong with simply sidestepping people who really raise my blood pressure. That option is obliterated in marriage. My wife and I live together every day. We are going to disagree about some things, and I am unquestionably obligated to maintain my intimacy with her. When we face unrealized expectations, disappoint each other, or even maliciously wound each other, will we allow dissension-which God hates-to predominate, or will we do the necessary relational work to press ahead to unity?"
"Many marital disputes result precisely from this: 'You want something but don't get it.' James says we don't get it because we're looking in the wrong place. Instead of placing demands on your spouse, look to God to have your needs met."
Gary confronts a common misconception that young single adults often believe "once their life mate is found, they assume, everything else will fall into place. Their loneliness, their insecurity, their worries about their own significance-all this and more will somehow mystically melt away in the fire of marital passion."
"When disillusionment breaks through, we have one of two choices: Dump our spouse and become infatuated with somebody new, or seek to understand the message behind the disillusionment-that we should seek our significance, meaning, and purpose in our Creator rather than in another human being."
From C. S. Lewis... "If you want to make sure of keeping [your heart] intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in a casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket-safe, dark, motionless, airless-it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable."
"Kathleen and Thomas Hart write, 'Sometimes what is hard to take in the first years of marriage is not what we find out about our partner, but what we find out about ourselves. As one young woman who had been married for about a year said, 'I always thought of myself as a patient and forgiving person. Then I began to wonder if that was because I had never before gotten close to anyone. In marriage, when John and I began... dealing with differences, I how saw small and unforgiving I could be. I discovered a hardness in me I had never experienced before.'"
"I believe it is possible to enter marriage with a view to being cleansed spiritually, if, that is, we do so with a willingness to embrace marriage as a spiritual discipline. To do this, we must not enter marriage predominantly to be fulfilled, emotionally satisfied, or romantically charged, but rather to become more like Jesus Christ. We must embrace the reality of having our flaws exposed to our partner, and thereby having them exposed to us as well. Sin never seems quite as shocking when it is known only to us; when we see how it looks or sounds to another, it is magnified ten times over."
"The times that I am happiest and most fulfilled in my marriage are the times when I am intent on drawing meaning and fulfillment from becoming a better husband rather than from demanding a 'better' wife."
About God's relationship with Israel... "Now take these examples and break them down, thinking of them in a smaller context. There were times of great joy and celebration, frustration and anger, infidelity and apostasy, and excruciating seasons of silence. Sound like any relationship you know? Your own marriage, for example? Viewed through this lens, the marriage relationship allows us to experientially identify with God and His relationship with Israel."
"So often it isn't that our marriages are either good or bad-they just are. We get tired of the routine and the sameness, and our souls occasionally grow numb toward each other. Kathleen and Thomas Hart depict it this way: 'Marriage is a long walk two people take together. Sometimes the terrain is very interesting, sometimes rather dull. At times the walk is arduous, for both person or for one. Sometimes the conversation is lively; at other times, there is not much to say. The travelers do not know exactly where they are going, nor when they will arrive.'"
"When I hear of couples who break up after just three or four years, I feel sad because they haven't even begun to experience what being married is really like. It's sort of like climbing halfway up a mountain but never getting to see the sights; you're in the middle of the task, your soul is consumed with the struggle, but it's too much too soon to experience the full rewards. Evaluating your marriage so soon is like trying to eat a cake that's half baked. Becoming one-in the deepest, most intimate sense-takes time. It's a journey that never really ends, but it takes at least the span of a decade for the sense of intimacy to really display itself in the marriage relationship."
About the world of earthly and horizontal considerations VS the world of heavenly eternal considerations, "Around which world is your life centered? Your marriage will ultimately reveal the answer to that question."
"We're always looking at what our spouses have done wrong, but God wants us to deal with our own heart first."
"They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake." -Alexander Pope
"We have it so easy that we can begin to be lulled to sleep, thinking that life should be easy or that it will always be easy. Once it gets a little difficult, we tend to become consumed with trying to make our lives comfortable again. But by doing so we miss a great spiritual opportunity."
"Our demands for comfort and ease show us what we truly value. It is the definitive demonstration of whether we are living for God's kingdom and service or for our own comfort and reputation."
If there is one thing young engaged couples need to hear, it's that a good marriage is not something you find, it's something you work for. It takes struggle. You must crucify your selfishness. You must at times confront, and at other times confess. The practice of forgiveness is essential."
"One of the great spiritual challenges for any Christian is to become less self-absorbed. We are born intensely self-focused."
"I believe that Christian marriage is also about learning to fall forward. Obstacles arise, anger flares up, and weariness dulls our feelings and our senses. When this happens the spiritually immature respond by pulling back, becoming more distant from their spouse, or even seeking to start over with somebody 'more exciting.' Yet maturity is reached by continuing to move forward past the pain and apathy."
"Even in the moments of anger, betrayal, exasperation, and hurt, we are called to pursue this person, to embrace them, and to grow toward them, to let our love redefine our feelings of disinterest, frustration, and even hate." AMEN!
"Many married couples have experienced this same phenomenon. Our thinking and our turn of phrases have literally been so shaped by each other's presence that we have begun to resemble one person."
"In the rush of infatuation, the person standing before us seems virtually infinite in his or her mystery, beauty, insight, and ability to create the feeling of pure pleasure in us. Just a few months or perhaps years later, it is amazing how finite and earthly this 'angel' has become."
Lord, my prayers continue. Thank you God for bringing this book into my life. The truth contained in it I believe is probably the best weapon against the road that leads to divorces. Lord, did you bring me this book so I can use it in counseling in the future? Did you bring it to comfort and affirm me in my time of great need? Did you send it to me at this exact time in my life to let me know I'm not crazy? To let me know that it's not just my sphere of influence agreeing with me? Oh Lord... for whatever reasons you brought me this book, it has done all those things. God I thank you for this author and how he has shown me that I'm not alone. Oh Father... you have shown me so much. Help me now to let these truths and your sovereignty reach my heart more and more as the days and hours pass.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Happy Birthday in Chicago.
This past weekend was such a blessing to my heart. A friend paid to fly me up to Chicago for Saturday through Tuesday night. Not only that, but he took days off for us to spend time together and... planned a surprise party for me! About 8 friends hid in my room with the light off only to surprise me with balloons and happy birthdays. I was SO touched and I SO needed it. We hung out, had pizza, and played Apples to Apples. I got to use some birthday money to get a new Moody hat, some running shoes, and a copy of Sacred Influence By Gary Thomas. I got to meet with my two favorite professors... Dr. Burke and prof. Dallesandro. Had coffee with a friend, played pool and Foosball with a friend, hung out with others. I got to do some street preaching with Matthew. I'm sad to say dancing didn't work out. I got to see nearly everyone I wanted to. I even got to go running along the beach twice. God is so good.
Being there gave me time to take a step back from this past year since I finished... to rest, regroup emotionally, and draw strength from the Lord in a fresh way. Walking around campus I could very much relate to Proverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." The past few days have allowed me to come to terms with my last few memories of Moody, the environment, the campus, what I did and where I stood, and the things on my mind. Though I was laughing with friends, giving hugs, and having fun... I found that some memories (no matter how good they were) could be colored by what happens after them. Sometimes our life experiences come to carry a different significance and different emotions as our life plays out. I was encouraged however that as I really sought the Lord about where my heart was... I found that I was not consumed by the "ache." The school is remodeling Culby 2 and soon the prayer chapel would no longer exist. I later found that students weren't allowed on the floor. That's ok... I'm no longer a student! As I walked in the room the doors were removed, but everything else was untouched. It felt as if (though I'm prolly stretching it, lol) God knew I'd be returning that weekend. I spent so much time in prayer, so many Wednesdays with the Lord in that room. I'd shed tears there, trained students for evangelism, lifted up my sisters in Christ, and wrestled with God about what He was doing in my life.
I took the time meet with the Lord there one last time... to pray, to cry, to sing, and in the spirit of the Psalmists... to ask God to remember me. I asked Him to remember the times we shared in that room, the requests I made, the issues I wrestled with Him about... they haven't changed. The trip ended with an encouraging thought brought back to my memory. Matthew 6 says not to worry about your needs, that worrying will not add a single hour to your life. It says not to worry about tomorrow, the future, because today has enough in itself. Though I've read those words so many times... my emotions forgot them. It seems a constant struggle for us weak and fearful creatures to connect our heart and our head... our desires and our Theology. I flew home with a renewed sense that God has my future in His hands, where it has always been. It's safe there. God knew what He was doing, still knows what He is doing, and still knows what He will do. I must not worry about tomorrow, for my needs will be provided by the Lord in His time. He knows what is best for me and even when I don't understand Him and can't see what He is doing... I know that He is preparing my future for me and me for my future. Take your time Lord.
Being there gave me time to take a step back from this past year since I finished... to rest, regroup emotionally, and draw strength from the Lord in a fresh way. Walking around campus I could very much relate to Proverbs 14:13, "Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief." The past few days have allowed me to come to terms with my last few memories of Moody, the environment, the campus, what I did and where I stood, and the things on my mind. Though I was laughing with friends, giving hugs, and having fun... I found that some memories (no matter how good they were) could be colored by what happens after them. Sometimes our life experiences come to carry a different significance and different emotions as our life plays out. I was encouraged however that as I really sought the Lord about where my heart was... I found that I was not consumed by the "ache." The school is remodeling Culby 2 and soon the prayer chapel would no longer exist. I later found that students weren't allowed on the floor. That's ok... I'm no longer a student! As I walked in the room the doors were removed, but everything else was untouched. It felt as if (though I'm prolly stretching it, lol) God knew I'd be returning that weekend. I spent so much time in prayer, so many Wednesdays with the Lord in that room. I'd shed tears there, trained students for evangelism, lifted up my sisters in Christ, and wrestled with God about what He was doing in my life.
I took the time meet with the Lord there one last time... to pray, to cry, to sing, and in the spirit of the Psalmists... to ask God to remember me. I asked Him to remember the times we shared in that room, the requests I made, the issues I wrestled with Him about... they haven't changed. The trip ended with an encouraging thought brought back to my memory. Matthew 6 says not to worry about your needs, that worrying will not add a single hour to your life. It says not to worry about tomorrow, the future, because today has enough in itself. Though I've read those words so many times... my emotions forgot them. It seems a constant struggle for us weak and fearful creatures to connect our heart and our head... our desires and our Theology. I flew home with a renewed sense that God has my future in His hands, where it has always been. It's safe there. God knew what He was doing, still knows what He is doing, and still knows what He will do. I must not worry about tomorrow, for my needs will be provided by the Lord in His time. He knows what is best for me and even when I don't understand Him and can't see what He is doing... I know that He is preparing my future for me and me for my future. Take your time Lord.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Remember His Provision, Heed His Discipline, and Enjoy His Blessing.
Deuteronomy 8:2-10 says, "You shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you [a]understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. 4 Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. 5 Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. 6 Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to [b]fear Him. 7 For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land where you will eat food without scarcity, in which you will not lack anything; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you."
God reminded me recently about how stubborn and fickle the Israelites were. He gave them Manna in their wilderness and while it was what they needed and it was from God (adding to its quality), they told God they wanted meat. But all that time was to humble them, to test them, to see what was in their hearts, to see if they would stay true to the Lord. The purpose was to show them that food wasn't all it's cracked up to be... and it seems in the case of the Israelites that this meant the "good" food from Egypt. No, instead man lives and breathes from, by, and to the power and glory of God alone. They not only were unhappy with the food they were given... they actually wanted to go back to Egypt, as they found "safety" and comfort there, though it was a false comfort.
The advice given is to "remember." Remember what God has done for you. And as we remember... we are able to obey Him. Beyond this, the Israelites were told they were being led into the promised land. God gave them the end. I wish He'd do that in our lives sometimes, but then again... could we even handle that information? Haha. As I thought through this concept though and found this passage... oh how encouraged I am as I see that the Israelites are told the promised land will be good. It'll be so good that though they can't accept this at the moment... they will eat, be satisfied and bless God for His faithfulness to them. So many times we look at today and forget what God has done yesterday. We look at today and forget that God says He works all things for the good of those who love Him. The "good" is good because it comes from God. Lord, is there manna in my life that I can't see? That I refuse to see? Lord, will a time come when you bring your provision for me and all I'll see is what the Israelites saw? Will I grumble because I wanted something more glamorous? Will I complain because the Manna wasn't packaged in with my favorite color? Or will I be paying close attention with eyes wide open that I may "remember" what you have done in bringing me this provision? Lord, I know your ways are not my ways. Your thoughts are not my thoughts. I know Your provision will be "good" because it comes from You. God... may I be open and sensitive when You provide. May I not reject your provision. May I not be like the Israelites. But Lord, if by chance I am stubborn and blind... I ask you now... be gracious to me, for I am weak and emotional. I am double minded and unstable. I don't always know how to walk by faith and not by sight.
I've been thinking and praying a lot lately. Haven't had much time to do leisure reading. Been spending a lot of time in song. God is so good. Friends are so good. My friend who came to visit is paying to fly me to visit him in Chicago next weekend. It'll be the weekend of my birthday. I really need to regroup, rest, have fun with friends, and spend time with the Lord in the Culby 2 Prayer Chapel before they finish remodeling. Some friends and I are planning to go swing dancing. I'm trying to gather a few more people. My church is holding a birthday party for another friend who has the same birthday as I and I'm invited. Looking forward to it. Four days away from retail groceries by the grace of God. I don't know how they let me go without us having a Produce manager. Nothing new about a church to serve in. Have had other things to do lately so I haven't been searching for new churches to apply at. I'm kinda excited lately though... a pool cleaning company found me on craigslist. The job would pay what I'd need to live on my own and the owner was a pastor for 20 years. Trying to setup an interview this week and doing research on pool maintenance on my own. Lord, if you want me here longer than I'd thought... so be it. I've always wanted Your will before my own, no matter how hard or how many questions I have.
God reminded me recently about how stubborn and fickle the Israelites were. He gave them Manna in their wilderness and while it was what they needed and it was from God (adding to its quality), they told God they wanted meat. But all that time was to humble them, to test them, to see what was in their hearts, to see if they would stay true to the Lord. The purpose was to show them that food wasn't all it's cracked up to be... and it seems in the case of the Israelites that this meant the "good" food from Egypt. No, instead man lives and breathes from, by, and to the power and glory of God alone. They not only were unhappy with the food they were given... they actually wanted to go back to Egypt, as they found "safety" and comfort there, though it was a false comfort.
The advice given is to "remember." Remember what God has done for you. And as we remember... we are able to obey Him. Beyond this, the Israelites were told they were being led into the promised land. God gave them the end. I wish He'd do that in our lives sometimes, but then again... could we even handle that information? Haha. As I thought through this concept though and found this passage... oh how encouraged I am as I see that the Israelites are told the promised land will be good. It'll be so good that though they can't accept this at the moment... they will eat, be satisfied and bless God for His faithfulness to them. So many times we look at today and forget what God has done yesterday. We look at today and forget that God says He works all things for the good of those who love Him. The "good" is good because it comes from God. Lord, is there manna in my life that I can't see? That I refuse to see? Lord, will a time come when you bring your provision for me and all I'll see is what the Israelites saw? Will I grumble because I wanted something more glamorous? Will I complain because the Manna wasn't packaged in with my favorite color? Or will I be paying close attention with eyes wide open that I may "remember" what you have done in bringing me this provision? Lord, I know your ways are not my ways. Your thoughts are not my thoughts. I know Your provision will be "good" because it comes from You. God... may I be open and sensitive when You provide. May I not reject your provision. May I not be like the Israelites. But Lord, if by chance I am stubborn and blind... I ask you now... be gracious to me, for I am weak and emotional. I am double minded and unstable. I don't always know how to walk by faith and not by sight.
I've been thinking and praying a lot lately. Haven't had much time to do leisure reading. Been spending a lot of time in song. God is so good. Friends are so good. My friend who came to visit is paying to fly me to visit him in Chicago next weekend. It'll be the weekend of my birthday. I really need to regroup, rest, have fun with friends, and spend time with the Lord in the Culby 2 Prayer Chapel before they finish remodeling. Some friends and I are planning to go swing dancing. I'm trying to gather a few more people. My church is holding a birthday party for another friend who has the same birthday as I and I'm invited. Looking forward to it. Four days away from retail groceries by the grace of God. I don't know how they let me go without us having a Produce manager. Nothing new about a church to serve in. Have had other things to do lately so I haven't been searching for new churches to apply at. I'm kinda excited lately though... a pool cleaning company found me on craigslist. The job would pay what I'd need to live on my own and the owner was a pastor for 20 years. Trying to setup an interview this week and doing research on pool maintenance on my own. Lord, if you want me here longer than I'd thought... so be it. I've always wanted Your will before my own, no matter how hard or how many questions I have.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Sacred Marriage
Updates:
There's little to say I suppose. More closed doors on the churches. Closed doors for a better secular job. Nothing is lining up. I often feel hopeless. It's hard to press on, but I know I will. The Lord is with me. I've been trying to be more disciplined in my schedule and go to bed around 10, get up at 6am, hit the gym, and then go to Panera to job and church hunt until I go to work at 11 if I close. I've been maintaining that for the most part. My nights are spent with dinner and a book lately.
Sacred Marriage:
When Matthew was here visiting me he told me of how he has wanted to buy me a gift. He tried looking for things in Chicago to bring down. he even asked his brother to pick up something for me once while he was at the store, but his brother didn't have the money for it. When Matthew got here he noticed that I'd owned all the things he was planning to buy me. As we talked he mentioned to me a book I'd heard about before but never knew the premise. He later asked if I wanted that book and he bought it for me. The book was Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas. Apparently he has a number of books on a similar theme and perspective. I found out that Matthew was recommended the book by a mutual friend who is engaged. As I've read this book my heart has been so touched and encouraged. I told my pastor I was reading it and he said he'd been using it for years in marital counseling. I spoke with his wife and she said she'd used the woman's version of the book "Sacred Influence" by the same author. I'm only in Chapter 5, but I've found myself underlining on nearly every page. I wanted to share some of the author's insights and maybe how they've touched my heart lately at just the right time in my life...
Gary asks the fundamental questions of his perspective on pg. 13 in the beginning of the book, "What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
He quotes from Katherine Ann Porter in an essay written in the 1940's titled "The Necessary Enemy" as she makes the following observations about a young wife, "This very contemporary young woman finds herself facing the oldest and ugliest of dilemma of marriage. She is dismayed, horrified, full of guilt and forebodings because she is finding out little by little that she is capable of hating her husband, whom she loves faithfully. She can hate him at times as fiercely and mysteriously, indeed in terribly much the same way, as often she hated her parents, her brothers, and sisters, whom she loves, when she was a child... She thought she had outgrown all this, but here it was again, an element in her own nature she could not control, or feared she could not."
He continues, "'Her hatred is real and her love is real' Porter explains of this young wife. This is reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults for the rest of their lives."
"Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism"
"Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else. Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement."
"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question-stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness."
"I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy infatuation and make me 'happy,' then I'd have to get a 'new' marriage every 2 or 3 years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I'd have to grow."
"I didn't decide to focus on changing myself so that I could have a tension-free marriage or so that I'd be happier or even more content in my marriage. Instead, I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment FROM God."
"God appreciates our quirks and understands our hearts' good intentions even when they might be masked by incredibly stupid behavior."
"I believe that much of the dissatisfaction we experience in marriage comes from expecting too much from it."
"The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-centered view or a man-centered view? In a man-centered view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations are met. IN a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator."
He quotes 2 Cor. 5:9, "So we make it our goal to please Him" and asks the question, "What makes God Happy?... Will this be pleasing to Christ? The first purpose in marriage--beyond happiness, sexual expression, the bearing of children, companionship, mutual care and provision, or anything else--is to please God. The challenge of course is that it is utterly selfless living; rather than asking 'What will make me happy?' ...we must ask, 'What will make God happy?'"
"Years ago Paul Simon wrote a best-selling song proclaiming 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.' A Christian needs just one reason to stay with his or her lover: the analogy of Christ and His church."
"This man or this woman seems so different from you. I know. That's why it seems so difficult to love him or her. When you think one level, she thinks on another. When you're certain this perspective matters most, he brings in another angle entirely. And you ask yourself 'How can I possibly love someone who is so different from me?' And yet consider, if you can ask this question with integrity, try asking yourself this one: How could you possibly love God? He is spirit and you are encased in flesh and bones. He is eternal and you are trapped in time. He is holy, perfect, sinless, and you--like me--are steeped in sin. It is far less a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God. But I think it's more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves to love the 'different.'... We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in Him--the Totally Other."
"Many of the marital problems we face are not problems between individual couples... They are problems between man, generally, and women, generally. They are problems that arise because we are either too lazy or too selfish to get to know our spouse well enough to understand how different from us they really are."
"Sadly I spent the first few years of my marriage adding up the pluses and minuses of my and my wife's various personality traits. The problem was simple: I was spending too much time on my pluses and her minuses... I realized that I was being deluded in my sense of self-righteousness. Instead of focusing on what Lisa could improve I should have been on my knees begging God to change me."
"We're not married in a carefree Garden of Eden. We're married int he midst of many responsibilities that compete for our energy."
"Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth--and the child will be named either contempt, or respect."
"It is guaranteed that your spouse will sin against you, disappoint you, and have physical limitations that will frustrate and sadden you. He may come home with the best of intentions and still lose his temper. She may have all the desire but none of the energy. This is a fallen world. Let me repeat this: you will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can't respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse."
That's about as far as I've gotten and it's a lot to read, but... oh how God has blessed my heart in reading it. I've had such a heart for couples and marriages and the more I read this book the more I keep saying that I could have written it, but praise be to God... that I didn't write it. Praise be to God that there's a man out there who is speaking at seminars and counseling couples and sharing the reality that so many people need to hear. Praise God for Gary Thomas...
There's little to say I suppose. More closed doors on the churches. Closed doors for a better secular job. Nothing is lining up. I often feel hopeless. It's hard to press on, but I know I will. The Lord is with me. I've been trying to be more disciplined in my schedule and go to bed around 10, get up at 6am, hit the gym, and then go to Panera to job and church hunt until I go to work at 11 if I close. I've been maintaining that for the most part. My nights are spent with dinner and a book lately.
Sacred Marriage:
When Matthew was here visiting me he told me of how he has wanted to buy me a gift. He tried looking for things in Chicago to bring down. he even asked his brother to pick up something for me once while he was at the store, but his brother didn't have the money for it. When Matthew got here he noticed that I'd owned all the things he was planning to buy me. As we talked he mentioned to me a book I'd heard about before but never knew the premise. He later asked if I wanted that book and he bought it for me. The book was Sacred Marriage By Gary Thomas. Apparently he has a number of books on a similar theme and perspective. I found out that Matthew was recommended the book by a mutual friend who is engaged. As I've read this book my heart has been so touched and encouraged. I told my pastor I was reading it and he said he'd been using it for years in marital counseling. I spoke with his wife and she said she'd used the woman's version of the book "Sacred Influence" by the same author. I'm only in Chapter 5, but I've found myself underlining on nearly every page. I wanted to share some of the author's insights and maybe how they've touched my heart lately at just the right time in my life...
Gary asks the fundamental questions of his perspective on pg. 13 in the beginning of the book, "What if God didn't design marriage to be "easier"? What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place? What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?"
He quotes from Katherine Ann Porter in an essay written in the 1940's titled "The Necessary Enemy" as she makes the following observations about a young wife, "This very contemporary young woman finds herself facing the oldest and ugliest of dilemma of marriage. She is dismayed, horrified, full of guilt and forebodings because she is finding out little by little that she is capable of hating her husband, whom she loves faithfully. She can hate him at times as fiercely and mysteriously, indeed in terribly much the same way, as often she hated her parents, her brothers, and sisters, whom she loves, when she was a child... She thought she had outgrown all this, but here it was again, an element in her own nature she could not control, or feared she could not."
He continues, "'Her hatred is real and her love is real' Porter explains of this young wife. This is reality of the human heart, the inevitability of two sinful people pledging to live together, with all their faults for the rest of their lives."
"Any mature, spiritually sensitive view of marriage must be built on the foundation of mature love rather than romanticism"
"Many will break up their relationship and try to recreate the passionate romance with someone else. Other couples will descend into a sort of marital guerilla warfare, a passive-aggressive power play as each partner blames the other for personal dissatisfaction or lack of excitement."
"If you want to be free to serve Jesus, there's no question-stay single. Marriage takes a lot of time. But if you want to become more like Jesus, I can't imagine any better thing to do than to get married. Being married forces you to face some character issues you'd never have to face otherwise."
"Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I slowly began to understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as much as it is holiness."
"I found there was a tremendous amount of immaturity within me that my marriage directly confronted. The key was that I had to change my view of marriage. If the purpose of marriage was simply to enjoy infatuation and make me 'happy,' then I'd have to get a 'new' marriage every 2 or 3 years. But if I really wanted to see God transform me from the inside out, I'd need to concentrate on changing myself rather than on changing my spouse. In fact, you might even say, the more difficult my spouse proved to be, the more opportunity I'd have to grow."
"I didn't decide to focus on changing myself so that I could have a tension-free marriage or so that I'd be happier or even more content in my marriage. Instead, I adopted the attitude that marriage is one of many life situations that help me to draw my sense of meaning, purpose, and fulfillment FROM God."
"God appreciates our quirks and understands our hearts' good intentions even when they might be masked by incredibly stupid behavior."
"I believe that much of the dissatisfaction we experience in marriage comes from expecting too much from it."
"The key question is this: Will we approach marriage from a God-centered view or a man-centered view? In a man-centered view, we will maintain our marriage as long as our earthly comforts, desires, and expectations are met. IN a God-centered view, we preserve our marriage because it brings glory to God and points a sinful world to a reconciling Creator."
He quotes 2 Cor. 5:9, "So we make it our goal to please Him" and asks the question, "What makes God Happy?... Will this be pleasing to Christ? The first purpose in marriage--beyond happiness, sexual expression, the bearing of children, companionship, mutual care and provision, or anything else--is to please God. The challenge of course is that it is utterly selfless living; rather than asking 'What will make me happy?' ...we must ask, 'What will make God happy?'"
"Years ago Paul Simon wrote a best-selling song proclaiming 'Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover.' A Christian needs just one reason to stay with his or her lover: the analogy of Christ and His church."
"This man or this woman seems so different from you. I know. That's why it seems so difficult to love him or her. When you think one level, she thinks on another. When you're certain this perspective matters most, he brings in another angle entirely. And you ask yourself 'How can I possibly love someone who is so different from me?' And yet consider, if you can ask this question with integrity, try asking yourself this one: How could you possibly love God? He is spirit and you are encased in flesh and bones. He is eternal and you are trapped in time. He is holy, perfect, sinless, and you--like me--are steeped in sin. It is far less a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God. But I think it's more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves to love the 'different.'... We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in Him--the Totally Other."
"Many of the marital problems we face are not problems between individual couples... They are problems between man, generally, and women, generally. They are problems that arise because we are either too lazy or too selfish to get to know our spouse well enough to understand how different from us they really are."
"Sadly I spent the first few years of my marriage adding up the pluses and minuses of my and my wife's various personality traits. The problem was simple: I was spending too much time on my pluses and her minuses... I realized that I was being deluded in my sense of self-righteousness. Instead of focusing on what Lisa could improve I should have been on my knees begging God to change me."
"We're not married in a carefree Garden of Eden. We're married int he midst of many responsibilities that compete for our energy."
"Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth--and the child will be named either contempt, or respect."
"It is guaranteed that your spouse will sin against you, disappoint you, and have physical limitations that will frustrate and sadden you. He may come home with the best of intentions and still lose his temper. She may have all the desire but none of the energy. This is a fallen world. Let me repeat this: you will never find a spouse who is not affected in some way by the reality of the Fall. If you can't respect this spouse because she is prone to certain weaknesses, you will never be able to respect any spouse."
That's about as far as I've gotten and it's a lot to read, but... oh how God has blessed my heart in reading it. I've had such a heart for couples and marriages and the more I read this book the more I keep saying that I could have written it, but praise be to God... that I didn't write it. Praise be to God that there's a man out there who is speaking at seminars and counseling couples and sharing the reality that so many people need to hear. Praise God for Gary Thomas...
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