Home Again... short lived.

My semester and my time at Moody is rapidly approaching its' end, yet I find myself sitting in the library of my community college in Hurst, Texas. This was expected, yet it wasn't. My mom's health has been so up and down lately that I wanted to mkae sure I could see her while I was still able to. It's one thing to have ups and downs, but quite another for them to be as drastic as they have been. First she seemed near death and then we found out her infection was gone and the tests were looking good. They were about to move her to a physical rehab center to stay for months to continue recovery. But then it got worse. The fluid her body has been collecting due to a pretty inoperative liver has reached her lungs. She needs a tube to breath. In response to the question, "how long will she live?" The doctors have said it's a day to day thing. I wanted to see her in case I wasn't able to before the semester ended.

"Lord, I know You can do great things. I have a Book that says You do and shows You have. God, you raised Lazarus from the dead... can You raise my mom from spiritual death? You are mighty to save. God, people ask how I'm doing. I don't know what to tell them. I knew my mom's body would give out. I knew that. I just want to see her in heaven one day. I want to leave this world to find that she came to know You. That's all I care about and that's what hurts the most right now. Lord, I believe the time is near for her. I know you can break the hard heart and heal the broken heart. Please do that God. Do it with her and do it with all those affected by this, Your will permitting. Oh God please work here I ask You. Yet in all things, not my will, but Yours be done. It's in Christs' name I pray it, Amen."


As I continue to wonder what God may do as this chapter in my life comes to its' end, I find that I have no more answers than I did when I last wrote. After a very interesting couple months, I feel like I'm back at square 1 in many respects. I'm sure that isn't the case though. God has a purpose for all things even if it's hidden deep in His sovereignty. This doesn't stop me from bewilderment though. It's not easy to be willing to take God's sharp turns and hit His predestined potholes gracefully in life, knowing and trusting that He brought us to them for good reason. Schoolwork is one of, if not the last thing on my mind. Procrastination pursues me. Today is the day of the week when I spend time in prayer about my current and future ministry. I have been diligent here. Still speaking with 2 churches. The one in Michigan hasn't responded back but supposedly has reviewed my resume and answered questions. I had another one in KS call me. They added me to a list of people they'd narrowed it to from the mass of those who applied. They only did this after they'd realized they overlooked me on accident. So I slipped through the first filter process on accident!!! But was it accident God? So I read through their doctrinal statement and constitution. I answered a list of questions they had. They responded to my doctrinal questions and we agree!!! In fact they said one of the reasons they're looking for a new pastor is because their old one didn't preach in accordance with the things I mentioned! I was very pleased to hear that. We'll see what God does there. It's close enough to home that I can see people I care about and far enough away that I'm not at home. I continue to pray about my future in minitsry. As I return home I'm reminded again that I don't want to stay here. The house is filthy and soon it will be populated with 4 people, 4 dogs, and 5 cats. I WANT OUT!

"Lord God, You know the plans You have for me. I know they are good, but I don't know what they are... and that's ok. I trust You. God I don't know where I'll be this time next year, but You know. Lord, I graciously ask that You would give me a glimpse into what's next God. If not, please supply the faith I need to keep taking steps off of cliffs. I'm in Your hands God. You know my desire to serve You. You know how You've prepared me and to what end. You know who I am better than I do. Please God, please work in me. I believe it's all coming soon Lord. I may be wrong, but I've seen too much to not believe that. Too much has happened for that not to be true. Yet in all things not my will but Yours be done. In Christs' name I pray, Amen."