Here we are. God has afforded me some free time and it's legitmate too! We're half done with the semester and things are going well. Due to the Lord's provision I've been able to do exactly what I hoped. I've been developing more friendships and being efficient in schoolwork. I just finished all the reading in one textbook for a class tonight and feel it's time to sit down and do some writing. This semester I've been able to spend much time reading and time in prayer. this has allowed more time to devote to Greek and sermon preparation for preaching class. I'm so thankful... even if Greek grades still aren't reflecting the time spent.
I praise God this semester for a number of reasons. My internship will go forward and unofficially begin next semester. I got the classes I wanted for Spring... although I didn't worry that I wouldn't get em.
Senior Seminar in Biblical Exposition
Structure and Style in Biblical Exposition
Greek Exegesis 2
Romans in Greek
Wellness Seminar
I imagine there will be little motivation for the Wellness Seminar. people remind me of the body being a temple and all that, but the argument is unconvincing. We all know we need to be physically fit and take of our bodies. However, after 3 years of secular classes... I wanna be DONE with them! I just wanna pass and say goodbye. They are an incredible frustration. My biblical education is what concerns me at this point. On a sad note my sister won't be able to come visist me at school. I now don't have the money and my mom refused to let her come alone. That's prolly all the random updates I have.
Something has been troubling me lately... and likely long before that while I was unable to express it. To all who read this it's a general lament of frustration not indicative of a specific personal experience or enitrely directed a specific person.
It seems to me though that American romantic/dating culture (among Christians too) has a certain accepted system or formula. This formula is usually unspoken, dogmatically held, and yet it seems to collapse upon itself. Let me explain what I mean... How should a relationship begin? The general idea is that it starts with a friendship and at some point the guy initiates more and then POOF! you have a romantic relationship. Sounds reasonable enough until one tries it. You see there are so many factors working against a person that it seems nearly impossible in some ways. A guy can't be passive because he is to initiate, right? Ok, well can you be active? Lets say you set out to develop a broad scope of friendships. At what point does a guy feel he should pursue? The woman doesn't usually show signs of attraction since is to move first (understably so) and yet what causes the guy to get to this place? he notices things in the prospective woman that would cause him to take the next step, right?
Here's the problem: How much can he realistically come to know about her with the usual radar and wall most women have up? It seems a conversation of over 30 minutes and eye contact makes people think you're interested in them these days. It becomes childish. How can he really come to know her character? How can he know who she really is without spending 5 years as a casual friend? I'm hearing from some women that the way to go is to interact in groups. I understand the security in this. I would push back though to say... how does a guy know a woman is being herself in the group? We are so good at wearing masks and pretending. We want friendships but we aren't willing to be vulnerable enough and take the risk necessary to really know someone to the degree of getting an accurate assessment of who they are. So we're forced to rely on beauty and charm (for the most part) which Proverbs 31 soberly reminds us are "vain and deceitful."
Oh and since the guy is supposed to be the iniator... he does the best he can to read the beauty and charm and perhaps connect a few dots that could indicate interest (while he is uncertain) and if of course there's something he likes in her (which would naturally be something small because littel has been revealed) and he puts his foot forward. Is that what's really expected of us? That's how it feels a lot of the time. It's even been expressed directly and indirectly that it's not even possible to have a close friendship with the opposite sex. This probably bothers me most of all. I truly believe this finds its' origin in secular dating culture right next to the idea that exes can't talk to eachother or maintain a friendship after breakup. These are very worldly ideas that are usually guided by selfish protection of our own emotions and usually a kind of enmity against our brother or sister in Christ that Scripture speaks directly against.
I would hope we would all admit that close friendships are ideal at least..? If we can start there... there's a chance. Now don't hear me wrong. There are some people you need to stay away from. Physical abuse, stalkers, etc. There is some wisdom and discernment involved here. I am simply pleading for the men out there that get stuck working within a system that is self-defeating and inconsistent. How can a REAL friendship before a relationship develop if one or both people are unwilling to take the risks necessary to form it? The inevitable result of an apparent success for those working in this system only seems to arise when (1) A guy smoothly slips past the woman's radar and she opens up, (2) She likes him before-hand and therefore opens up, (3) Or some other unknown mystical magical fairy dust and mistle-toe effect happens.
From a purely human viewpoint we then find ourselves at the current dilemma: You can't be passive (because you need to pursue). You can't be active (because they pick up on it and RUN). The only option is to be passively active. That means pray. All we can do... is pray. God is still sovereign and the single women are still single therefore God can do anything with such a situation if it brings Him the most glory. On the other hand, as with sanctification... we know God enables us and promises to guide us in the right direction, but there is still an element of cooperation in it. I propose the answer to our dilemma is this: Honest, no-nonsense, mature communication. This combined with a focus that remains God-centered through all of the communication is a step we cannot afford to overlook. The question now is... will we do this? Can we do this? This takes more courage than running from people when a potential problem or interest is suspected. This takes more courage than simply asking a woman out on a date.
If I may be so bold to suggest it: Anything less than this is a waste of our time, emotional investment, weeks of "how was your day?" questions, and hours of worrying. Let's grow up and take the risks necessary (while bathed in prayer) to develop rich friendships and even healthier relationships that begin on a foundation of communication.
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