"Preaching makes me well; As soon as I open my mouth to speak, my weariness is forgotten."
-Chrysostom
This afternoon I was reading one of my textbooks for the class I'm taking that is most directed toward my major. The book is called "The Company of The Preachers" By David Larsen. This chapter spoke of some of the early church fathers ending with Augustine. I chose to study in library for the first time and it was refreshingly quiet. I spent a couple hours reading with a brief nap at the beginning. As I neared the end of the chapter, I had a kind of renewal of the reason and passion for why I'm here. I'm probably clearer headed right now than I have been since I've moved in here. It was as if God worked in the quiet (as he often does for me) to spark a small revival in my heart and mind. The Spirit cut through the anxious worrying perspective I've battled with since I've been here and reminded me of who I am in Christ and who I've been called to be in this lifetime.
I've yet to preach since I've been here and as a guy on my floor so rightly suggested... I have "the itch." That compulsion to preach that can only be satisfied by indulgence in such a practice that is a good thing to call a habit or obsession in light of the calling and commission. I simply have a burden to preach. I've been looking through Adrian Rogers' biography and I didn't know he spent some time street preaching... standing on a bench, no less. This Sunday I get to teach God's Word and am excited to do so, yet I struggle with a feeling of inadequacy. I'm blown away by the things I can learn while here and I want to be the most effective as I handle God's holy Word. I don't want to misinterpret or miss even one kernal of truth in one verse. However I ultimately face the fact that God's Word is and always will be living and active and I will always be constantly learning from it as I pursue my future in ministry. I'm reminded that good decisions are VERY often made by bad decisions and accuracy is often molded by mistakes that teach us. I suppose my task is to humbly submit to the fact that God will sanctify me in His good timing. It's not an easy thing however to just use what you know and let God do the rest. It's all in attitude. I'm certainly teachable, but I worry about how the correction will come. May the Lord calm my spirit in this.
Oh how I wish I would be able to better be a brother to my brothers and sisters here... God constantly reminds me of how fragile I can be... all the emotional turmoil... all the concientiousness and introspective noise... the mroe I think about it, the more I'm amazed at the fact that God saved ME!!! Furthermore, how can God use ME for ministry? We talked about this in a class recently here... even through all this, I give Him glory... but do I praise him enough? What a blessing I have been given! There have been days here when I forget the supernatural way God brought me here. I've heard many stories form other students that also miraculous... one of whom was given $4,000 just to go here! God is good! Wednesday we had a worship chapel with nothing but worship for 45 minutes. It felt like 15 minutes. Thursday the speaker couldn't make it and it became the same. If onyl I could play piano or guitar or something... I would worship God in that way ever day.
Last night my roommate told me that I often talk in my sleep. He and his friend said it could be because I have a lot on my mind. that makes me wonder if I did that at home... I seem to always have a lot on my mind. Some of the things that are on my mind at the moment are 1. Trusting God for income (I've applied to campus security) 2. Staying focused (inwardly) 3. Remaining humble 4. Encouraging/showing grace toward my roommate 5. Building friendships that will last (male ones and... no-pressure female ones) 6. Getting enough sleep/Staying awake in classes 7. Will I prepare enough to teach on Sundays each week? 8. Will I have to fork out a bunch of money for a doctor's visit Tuesday? 9. What do the people around me think of me? (This one is so stupid, yet a struggle)
Well... I wonder if I should go and preach tonight by myself... that might be fun.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Week 1
As my laundry is going, I feel the need to write. Week one is over and yes I've survived. I now have a picture of the demands placed upon me. I have yet to start working or preparing to teach next Sunday at the Retirement Home Service for my PCM. Those 2 things will drastically determine my time. I MUST continue to pray. On a temporal level... this seems nearly impossible. Then I remember that many who have come and gone before me here at Moody have accomplished this task and even more I'm sure. I've never taken full time classes before. I wonder if I'll ever have time to build and maintain friendships while I'm here...? Friendships that last, that is. When the time comes, will I have time to devote to getting to know a woman God may place in my life... whomever she may be? That's not something I'm thinking too seriously about at the moment though. I just wanna meet my brothers and sisters and get to know my spiritual family here.
I've spent the majority of the day listening to the Bible on audio and writing chapter titles for one of my classes. I've now finished Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It hits me that soon I won't have the luxury always of spending an entire day doing schoolwork. Hmm... I'm listening to a sermon by Adrian Rogers right now and he's quoting D. L. Moody. That's cool. I've pretty firmly chosen Adrian Rogers to do my report on for my History of Biblical Exposition class. I enjoy his passion and now I'll have the opportunity to look at his life and 5 of his sermons more in-depthly.
I'm also excited to preach in the streets soon. I don't see where I'll find time for that either, but there's too much in me not to let it out. "Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" I have no wife or family to worry about neglecting and I'm sure I'll find my burnout limit, but I have to keep in mind why I'm here and who I am. I can't stop thanking God for His gracious provision and direction to put me here in Chicago at Bible College! I still can't get over it! I'm in Chicago!! I'm living in a dorm!! I'm away from home!! I just can't believe it... who would've known I'd be here a few years ago? It's funny.. I've found that I'm a few years older than many of those I've met so far. I really wish I didn't take that year off after I graduated High School.
My morning devotions are still going. They're shorter, but they're going. I've been reading the copy of My Utmost For His Highest that I was given before leaving home. It belonged to the father of a woman in our church and she gave it to me. I've visited Moody Church. It's alright... although I think the worship is a bit more rigid than I prefer. The sanctuary is beautiful for sure though. Tomorrow I visit a small church right near school with a friend... they had a Bible study that used a WOTM video last Sunday night. They need to be careful or they might draw me too easily...lol. After this week it will be quite some time though before I visit a local church.
During orientation weekend, the school showed the new Batman movie. I wanted to walk out partly through it. I left near the end. I hoped at least the language would be cleaned up... especially when it took God's name in vain. I toss 1 Cor. 10:23 back and forth in my mind as I did that night. Is this an issue of my conscience? Do I have a point? Am I beginning to compromise or am I becoming the stronger brother mentioned in Romans 14? I'm going to try to just stay from those unanswered situations when it comes to movies until I have a more firm answer on where my conscience stands.
My current prayer agenda:
-Clearing my job transfer and possibly getting some replacement income until then if needed.
-Is it God's will that I work while being here? I want to ask Him to provide so that I don't have to... I could do so much more for the kingdom. Of course, I'll continue to try for a job until God provides if He desires.
-Efficiency in studying and time mgmt.
-That I would continue to settle in with my new campus-sized spiritual family
-That I would be able to encourage my roommate in spiritual growth
I've spent the majority of the day listening to the Bible on audio and writing chapter titles for one of my classes. I've now finished Matthew, Mark, and Luke. It hits me that soon I won't have the luxury always of spending an entire day doing schoolwork. Hmm... I'm listening to a sermon by Adrian Rogers right now and he's quoting D. L. Moody. That's cool. I've pretty firmly chosen Adrian Rogers to do my report on for my History of Biblical Exposition class. I enjoy his passion and now I'll have the opportunity to look at his life and 5 of his sermons more in-depthly.
I'm also excited to preach in the streets soon. I don't see where I'll find time for that either, but there's too much in me not to let it out. "Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" I have no wife or family to worry about neglecting and I'm sure I'll find my burnout limit, but I have to keep in mind why I'm here and who I am. I can't stop thanking God for His gracious provision and direction to put me here in Chicago at Bible College! I still can't get over it! I'm in Chicago!! I'm living in a dorm!! I'm away from home!! I just can't believe it... who would've known I'd be here a few years ago? It's funny.. I've found that I'm a few years older than many of those I've met so far. I really wish I didn't take that year off after I graduated High School.
My morning devotions are still going. They're shorter, but they're going. I've been reading the copy of My Utmost For His Highest that I was given before leaving home. It belonged to the father of a woman in our church and she gave it to me. I've visited Moody Church. It's alright... although I think the worship is a bit more rigid than I prefer. The sanctuary is beautiful for sure though. Tomorrow I visit a small church right near school with a friend... they had a Bible study that used a WOTM video last Sunday night. They need to be careful or they might draw me too easily...lol. After this week it will be quite some time though before I visit a local church.
During orientation weekend, the school showed the new Batman movie. I wanted to walk out partly through it. I left near the end. I hoped at least the language would be cleaned up... especially when it took God's name in vain. I toss 1 Cor. 10:23 back and forth in my mind as I did that night. Is this an issue of my conscience? Do I have a point? Am I beginning to compromise or am I becoming the stronger brother mentioned in Romans 14? I'm going to try to just stay from those unanswered situations when it comes to movies until I have a more firm answer on where my conscience stands.
My current prayer agenda:
-Clearing my job transfer and possibly getting some replacement income until then if needed.
-Is it God's will that I work while being here? I want to ask Him to provide so that I don't have to... I could do so much more for the kingdom. Of course, I'll continue to try for a job until God provides if He desires.
-Efficiency in studying and time mgmt.
-That I would continue to settle in with my new campus-sized spiritual family
-That I would be able to encourage my roommate in spiritual growth
Saturday, January 12, 2008
A Whole New World
Well, I'm on pg. 25 of a history about Moody we're required to read for orientation purposes. It's over 100 pages!! But it's interesting anyway. Since classes haven't started, I've decided to write a bit...
The flight was fine and everything worked out. I'm still missing a few things and am waiting for my computer to arrive via mail. I've come to know the 2nd floor cpu lab pretty well these past few days. I'm all unpacked though and things are setup for the most part. Classes begin Monday and while I'm excited, I don't know entirely what to expect. I've also been struggling with a heavy bit of familiar introversion. I'll pray that it leaves me in time as God grows me to adapt to this new environment. The tension in my neck is already beginning to alleviate. One of the things I'm also prying for is that the Lord would keep me humble and with a sound mind as I study. I can't get sidetracked or off on big distractions. I also need to have a balanced perspective with the ladies on campus. It's time to build oodles of friendships! The main thing has to be the main thing. Devotion to the Lord and studying His Word must come first.
I'm alread getting used to things here though... which is VERY awesome. It seems somewhat easy to settle in. I slept better last night even though my pillow and sheets haven't arrived (Caleb let me borrow his sleeping bag). I'm already acquanted with "Rapping Chad" (video available on youtube) and Johnnycakes. I know my roommate and have met him before, but he hasn't arrived on campus yet. I understand it might be interesting to room with him... we'll see what's meant by that...?
A slight anxiety has set in as I am looking into my work transfer. I spoke with them and they've received no transfer form. They also said if I can't work Sunday... I can't work. As far as I know, Moody has a policy of no working on Sunday unless it directly is needed for the operation of the school. I need to contact Human Resources and also talk with the school and see what we can do... if anything. Otherwise, I'm on my own for a job. I understand the campus security pays well though. I might look into that.
We also had our Bro/Sis hangout last night. That was pretty cool. We hang out with our sister floor from the women's dorm. I just learned some of them aren't the corresponding floors and they don't match (guys floor 4 and girls floor 4, etc.). The ladies on our sister floor are pretty cool. We generally sit together when in the student dining room. Last night we went to the nearest Borders and played a get to know you game, where I blushed when it came time for me to talk and barely got through it. Then we had a wonderful time of prayer and song in the prayer chapel as Johnnycakes played the piano and we picked up our hymnals.
My practical ministry (PCM) for the semester is to be the preacher and leader for a group of 3 and conduct a worship service for a local nursing home. It's exciting on one hand and kinda scary on the other... then reality hits and I realize oh yeah... that's kinda exactly suited to my major and the calling God has on my life. So no time to whine! I've called on of our people and said hello already. I'll soon see what it takes to plan and prepare a worship service... and prepare a lesson to teach every week. Will I have time to go street preaching? I must make some kind of time. Spurgeon said, "don't let your fire go out while you're picking up sticks."
There's prolly more to say, but time is nearign for the evening social for all students. Here's my schedule...
Intro To Ministry 2p-2:50p Th
NT Survey 11a-12:50p T Th
The Church and its Doctrines 9a-9:50a MWF
Studying and Teaching The Bible 3p-5pm and 6p-8p (4 hr. class) T
History of Biblical Exposition 8a-8:50a MWF
15 hrs.
I also of course have the PCM I mentioned. That starts Jan. 22.
I'm ready for fun!
The flight was fine and everything worked out. I'm still missing a few things and am waiting for my computer to arrive via mail. I've come to know the 2nd floor cpu lab pretty well these past few days. I'm all unpacked though and things are setup for the most part. Classes begin Monday and while I'm excited, I don't know entirely what to expect. I've also been struggling with a heavy bit of familiar introversion. I'll pray that it leaves me in time as God grows me to adapt to this new environment. The tension in my neck is already beginning to alleviate. One of the things I'm also prying for is that the Lord would keep me humble and with a sound mind as I study. I can't get sidetracked or off on big distractions. I also need to have a balanced perspective with the ladies on campus. It's time to build oodles of friendships! The main thing has to be the main thing. Devotion to the Lord and studying His Word must come first.
I'm alread getting used to things here though... which is VERY awesome. It seems somewhat easy to settle in. I slept better last night even though my pillow and sheets haven't arrived (Caleb let me borrow his sleeping bag). I'm already acquanted with "Rapping Chad" (video available on youtube) and Johnnycakes. I know my roommate and have met him before, but he hasn't arrived on campus yet. I understand it might be interesting to room with him... we'll see what's meant by that...?
A slight anxiety has set in as I am looking into my work transfer. I spoke with them and they've received no transfer form. They also said if I can't work Sunday... I can't work. As far as I know, Moody has a policy of no working on Sunday unless it directly is needed for the operation of the school. I need to contact Human Resources and also talk with the school and see what we can do... if anything. Otherwise, I'm on my own for a job. I understand the campus security pays well though. I might look into that.
We also had our Bro/Sis hangout last night. That was pretty cool. We hang out with our sister floor from the women's dorm. I just learned some of them aren't the corresponding floors and they don't match (guys floor 4 and girls floor 4, etc.). The ladies on our sister floor are pretty cool. We generally sit together when in the student dining room. Last night we went to the nearest Borders and played a get to know you game, where I blushed when it came time for me to talk and barely got through it. Then we had a wonderful time of prayer and song in the prayer chapel as Johnnycakes played the piano and we picked up our hymnals.
My practical ministry (PCM) for the semester is to be the preacher and leader for a group of 3 and conduct a worship service for a local nursing home. It's exciting on one hand and kinda scary on the other... then reality hits and I realize oh yeah... that's kinda exactly suited to my major and the calling God has on my life. So no time to whine! I've called on of our people and said hello already. I'll soon see what it takes to plan and prepare a worship service... and prepare a lesson to teach every week. Will I have time to go street preaching? I must make some kind of time. Spurgeon said, "don't let your fire go out while you're picking up sticks."
There's prolly more to say, but time is nearign for the evening social for all students. Here's my schedule...
Intro To Ministry 2p-2:50p Th
NT Survey 11a-12:50p T Th
The Church and its Doctrines 9a-9:50a MWF
Studying and Teaching The Bible 3p-5pm and 6p-8p (4 hr. class) T
History of Biblical Exposition 8a-8:50a MWF
15 hrs.
I also of course have the PCM I mentioned. That starts Jan. 22.
I'm ready for fun!
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