"I don't want to go through the motions. I don't wanna go one more day... without your all-consuming... passion inside of me. I don't wanna spend my whole life asking, 'What if I had given everything instead of going through the motions?'" -From the song, The Motions By Matthew West.
Another semester and a year older. By God's grace I've lived up to the ripe old age of 25. The age where car insurance prices drop and where you begin to notice and accept your receding hairline. God is always good, but He's been particularly good to me this semester. While I shouldn't have been surprised, it looks like the Lord has provided financially so that I won't have to work for this last half of my time at Moody. This of course is assuming I can work next summer as usual and that my final semester yields a couple scholarships through the pastoral department. the question I ask though is... why has God opened this time for me? For what purpose? To what end? I know myself... my tendency to rely on cushions and backup plans. I know how that has affected my trust in God and His provision. Why has He nearly shown me the end this soon? Is He opening up time for me to fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ? Spend more time with Him? Or is there something else? Well, I've chosen to spend the time getting ahead in schoolwork comfortably and I feel (as I haven't before) that I'm able to spend time with people, the sister floor, and be alright with that. If something spontaneous happens I won't be worried that I'm being lazy the whole time. This is BIG. For someone who commonly views all planned recreation as a threat to homework time... it's BIG. Maybe the Lord will use it to someone's benefit.
I might have mentioned this but I've chosen to spend Wednesdays and Fridays this semester with a certain prayer focus on each day. While there is sometimes overlap, Wednesdays are spent praying that the Lord would prepare me for ministry. For me this means:
-Thanksgiving for the financial provision to be here. It's hard to believe that after it's all over it will have been about $30,000 spent for school... and this, without debt.
-That He would increase my confidence, boldness, and decisiveness when it comes to leading and preaching to other believers. I find that because of practice... I can preach and witness to the unsaved all day, but when it comes to other believers it's harder.
-That He would grow me in my ability as a preacher and similarly that I would always hold Scripture in high regard. This should spill over to my reverence in speaking about the things of God and keeping a close eye on my use of humor.
-That He would solidify my internship and order things in a way that it would be a most beneficial ministry experience. If all works out I will essentially be spreading it between 2 semesters full of pastoral care (prayer/visitation) and preaching.
-That He would provide direction on what to do after Moody. Should I enter the ministry? What opportunities will open up at that point? Should I go to the Master's Seminary in CA as planned? What complications or changes of plan will come at that time? What will my life look like when the time comes? I pray that He will provide the direction and discernment necessary for these questions and uncertainties.
For Fridays I spend time among other things on probably the second most important consideration in one's life:
-I pray for my future wife, whomever she may be. I've recently decided to pray Proverbs 31 over her. As I was reading it yesterday I was reminded of v.30, which says, "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." I think this is verse will be my focus. I pray that the Lord would increase her love for me (because I can't always trust my own emotions) and I pray that He would provide a woman who loves Him infinitely more than she would love me. I want nothing less. I am content waiting on God, but I am active at the same time. One could call it a dissatisfied satisfaction.
-I pray that He would make me into the man I need to be... a man of courage, a man who can protect his future wife, a man of gentleness, a man of truth, and a man who is prepared to lead a house who will "serve the Lord" (Joshua 24:15).
-Because those things are future I've also chosen to spend this day in prayer for my sisters in Christ. My friendships with them will prepare me for my wife and in a real way reflect how I interact with godly women. I reveal these things knowing that they may be read and even perhaps read into, but the Lord knows my heart and that's all I need to be concerned with.
