Usually when I speak quickly... I insert my foot even faster. Taking that risk, I write now... the thoughts must come out and be prayed over. We just finished our Studying and Teaching the Bible class session where my group taught. I thank the Lord people aren't in my head so often. I overanalyze, I worry, I criticize, I play more scenerios in my head in 20 minutes than moviemakers probably could come up with in a year. This is my struggle. I think too much. In my head I so wrongly beat myself up and become discouraged. My mind says, "I know my heart is beyond what I just said. I know the fire is boiling beyond the words I just said. I know my relationship with You Lord. I know what we have and what You've shown and taught me. I know how You've grown me. I can do better than this. Where's the disconnect, Lord? Where's the barrier so I can be done with this and move on to more effective growth and ability in communicating Your Word?"
I know He may have other purposes for this. I also know as a principle "His ways are not our ways." All my life I've struggled to get it out. My life is a pattern of almosts. My introversion I feel so often has plagued me and perhaps those I've led and taught in the Word. I get so discouraged inside. Often as I am seeing today... that discouragement is not warranted. However, it's still real. Real enough for me to admit it to you. I freely admit I am a Biblical Exposition major who struggles greatly in confidence while doing what I'm here to do.
In typing these words the Spirit reminds me of those who have gone before me... from this wonderful school and beyond. I'm reminded of Tony Evans who is terrified to speak with people because of his introversion and yet preaches with the undeniable anointing power of the Holy Spirit. I'm reminded of John Wesley who when he preached barely lifted his arm while his co-hort George Whitefield preached with his entire body. I'm reminded of the fact that my confidence should never be in my own "abilities," but in God's calling, God's Word, and God Himself. Where is my confidence? Hopefully not in me! Hopefully not in other people's opinions!
Paul didn't come with excellency of speech or clever words of wisdom, yet few would argue the power his preaching. I praise God. I praise Him. I have 5 more preaching classes and a Homiletical Jury to preach before until I graduate. I have a long way to go... who am I if I get discouraged in the core class and haven't even reached the actual preaching classes?
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
"It's only the beginning..."
When I graduated from Tarrant County College, I think I remember my best friends' father saying something like congratulations... to which I replied, "It's only the beginning..." As I plan ahead (and I always do), I find that God's grace and strength will be the only things that carry me through. I'm learning so much and growing so much, but as Pastor James Ford said in chapel around 2 hours ago to the young men of the student body, we aren't here to study the Bible... we're here to know Him. Looking in front of me I have a list of prayers for the mornings. There are about 10 things and people to pray about at the moment. I've been able to read the Word in the mornings. One thing I miss is my own time of worship before God. I rememebr the sweet mornings of no class until 10am at TCC when I could spend 45 minutes praising and worshipping God in song each morning.
David Livingstone was one the most known pioneer missionaries to Africa. He was trained as a preacher. When he got up to preach for the first time, we're told he opened up the Scripture and began reading his passage. While reading he abruptly stops and says, "Friends, I have forgotten all I had to say" and leaves.
I have moments like that more than most people know. As I watch my own development as a preacher, I currently struggle with one thing particular. I notice that when it comes to preaching the gospel on the frontlines of the streets where common people stand... the intensity and urgency in my voice are clear. However, as I stand to the pulpit and teach believers... I am conversational and calm. I look at preachers like John Hagee (while I don't agree with him on all he teaches) and so many others, I desire to preach with an intensity like that to God's people. I am searching for the wall between or how to bridge the gap between my evangelistic preaching and the teaching of the Word. In that vain, I've begun to pray that God would grow me in His wisdom as a preacher and teacher. It seemed like novel idea.
Next semester's schedule has changed. Here's the new one...
Old Testament Survey (Lecture) TuTh 11:00AM - 12:50PM TBA W. Marty 4.00
Greek Grammar I (Lecture) MTuWF 1:00PM - 1:50PM TBA E. Gray 4.00
Introduction to Disciplemaking (Lecture) MW 9:00AM - 9:50AM TBA C. Craigen 2.00
Christian Missions (Lecture) MWF 11:00AM - 11:50AM TBA S. Naaman 3.00
Communication of Biblical Truth (Lecture) TuTh 8:00AM - 9:15AM TBA J. Koessler 3.00
Interpretation: EEEEEKKK!
This summer will prove to be busy itself. My current plan: Work 40 hours a week and possibly pick up a second job, read the Old Testament to prep for the class in Fall, begin to study Greek to prep for Fall, look at and do observations for my fall sermons at the retirement home. I'm reminded of the proverb that says, "if you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength."
In light of all I've written just now and the time I've used, I say... "LET'S DO THIS!"
David Livingstone was one the most known pioneer missionaries to Africa. He was trained as a preacher. When he got up to preach for the first time, we're told he opened up the Scripture and began reading his passage. While reading he abruptly stops and says, "Friends, I have forgotten all I had to say" and leaves.
I have moments like that more than most people know. As I watch my own development as a preacher, I currently struggle with one thing particular. I notice that when it comes to preaching the gospel on the frontlines of the streets where common people stand... the intensity and urgency in my voice are clear. However, as I stand to the pulpit and teach believers... I am conversational and calm. I look at preachers like John Hagee (while I don't agree with him on all he teaches) and so many others, I desire to preach with an intensity like that to God's people. I am searching for the wall between or how to bridge the gap between my evangelistic preaching and the teaching of the Word. In that vain, I've begun to pray that God would grow me in His wisdom as a preacher and teacher. It seemed like novel idea.
Next semester's schedule has changed. Here's the new one...
Old Testament Survey (Lecture) TuTh 11:00AM - 12:50PM TBA W. Marty 4.00
Greek Grammar I (Lecture) MTuWF 1:00PM - 1:50PM TBA E. Gray 4.00
Introduction to Disciplemaking (Lecture) MW 9:00AM - 9:50AM TBA C. Craigen 2.00
Christian Missions (Lecture) MWF 11:00AM - 11:50AM TBA S. Naaman 3.00
Communication of Biblical Truth (Lecture) TuTh 8:00AM - 9:15AM TBA J. Koessler 3.00
Interpretation: EEEEEKKK!
This summer will prove to be busy itself. My current plan: Work 40 hours a week and possibly pick up a second job, read the Old Testament to prep for the class in Fall, begin to study Greek to prep for Fall, look at and do observations for my fall sermons at the retirement home. I'm reminded of the proverb that says, "if you falter in times of trouble, how small is your strength."
In light of all I've written just now and the time I've used, I say... "LET'S DO THIS!"
Saturday, April 12, 2008
We come to a close... already!?
It's hard to believe we have less than a month before semester finals. Where did the time go? I've built friendships, learned more of how to study the Word of God and present the clear doctrines of the Bible even clearer, not to mention had the opportunity to minister in more ways than one: Street preaching (of course), teaching and preaching in leading a worship service with a team, helping a guy on the floor with classwork, and (hopefully) being a good brother to the ladies on our sister floor... while I can joke a bit too far at times. What was it the Bible said about the tongue? Oh yeah, it's "set on fire by hell" (James 3:6).
I'm planning (if they let me) to go with the same practical ministry next semester. I got to check out a few others and visit their booths yesterday though. A few of the groups stood out to me for one reason or another. The ones I was considering were the 1. Male prostitution outreach or 2. The Juvenile Detention center ministry to teens. Sound scary? AMEN! Their eternity and the lack of influence in their lives sounds more scary to me. I'm continuing to pray also about the idea of Missions Pastor. I've yet to have any clear direction, but don't expect to at this time. Then again, since when does God act based upon our expectations? Anyway, I've been picking up the flyers and info from church planting and missions organizations that visit the school as I'm able. I'm continuing to pray for God's will to be done. As life unfolds His will is revealed and I can only praise Him because I was not asking for my own will.
It's been a challenge to maintain a job and schoolwork and while I wish I'd have done better on the quizzes, I think things are working out alright. It's strange to think I only took 6 hours of classes in community college while the working the same amount of hours because I thought it was too much. I suppose I was leading a campus ministry and doing street ministry each week, but somethign tells me I could have stepped it up. Now I take 15 hours of classes, work about 22 hours a week, prepare and teach every Sunday morning, and occasionally go out street preachign with the team. It's interesting what we can do through the strength of Christ and our willingness to serve Him. In chapel recently a man who I later found out was a fellow street preacher in essence told his hearers to "stop being babies" and called it endureology. It was a convicting message to say the least. On another note, because my roommate is leaving this semester and getting married... one of the other Pastoral majors and fellow street proclaimer has offered to room with me. We'll be able to move the "Pastoral Studies" sign to our new door.
I'm excited about next semester as well. I'm amping up my credits and planning to get some of the work done for Old Testament over the summer. That should free up enough time to balance things out... hopefully. I already called my job back home and they said I have a job waiting for me when I return for summer. I'm still considering taking up a waiter job with that or something.
prayer:
-Missions Pastor?
-Retirement home ministry
-The Roman Catholic lay minister who stopped to hear my entire message on the street
-Homework and Endurance
-Continued Financial Provision
-Setting aside a meaningful amount of personal time with God in Bible college
I'm planning (if they let me) to go with the same practical ministry next semester. I got to check out a few others and visit their booths yesterday though. A few of the groups stood out to me for one reason or another. The ones I was considering were the 1. Male prostitution outreach or 2. The Juvenile Detention center ministry to teens. Sound scary? AMEN! Their eternity and the lack of influence in their lives sounds more scary to me. I'm continuing to pray also about the idea of Missions Pastor. I've yet to have any clear direction, but don't expect to at this time. Then again, since when does God act based upon our expectations? Anyway, I've been picking up the flyers and info from church planting and missions organizations that visit the school as I'm able. I'm continuing to pray for God's will to be done. As life unfolds His will is revealed and I can only praise Him because I was not asking for my own will.
It's been a challenge to maintain a job and schoolwork and while I wish I'd have done better on the quizzes, I think things are working out alright. It's strange to think I only took 6 hours of classes in community college while the working the same amount of hours because I thought it was too much. I suppose I was leading a campus ministry and doing street ministry each week, but somethign tells me I could have stepped it up. Now I take 15 hours of classes, work about 22 hours a week, prepare and teach every Sunday morning, and occasionally go out street preachign with the team. It's interesting what we can do through the strength of Christ and our willingness to serve Him. In chapel recently a man who I later found out was a fellow street preacher in essence told his hearers to "stop being babies" and called it endureology. It was a convicting message to say the least. On another note, because my roommate is leaving this semester and getting married... one of the other Pastoral majors and fellow street proclaimer has offered to room with me. We'll be able to move the "Pastoral Studies" sign to our new door.
I'm excited about next semester as well. I'm amping up my credits and planning to get some of the work done for Old Testament over the summer. That should free up enough time to balance things out... hopefully. I already called my job back home and they said I have a job waiting for me when I return for summer. I'm still considering taking up a waiter job with that or something.
prayer:
-Missions Pastor?
-Retirement home ministry
-The Roman Catholic lay minister who stopped to hear my entire message on the street
-Homework and Endurance
-Continued Financial Provision
-Setting aside a meaningful amount of personal time with God in Bible college
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