So I was at my PCM Sunday... I can't believe I spent about 10 hours studying to teach! But that will make it easier on me this week I think. As the folks were leaving, I stood by the door to shake hands and say bye. One lady in particular bounced up to me, poked my chest, and said "you're the one I've been looking for!" I oblviously said, "oh yeah?" For someone reason I had pure thoughts like, "maybe she heard about our service or wanted prayer...) I wasn't that lucky. Her friend pulled her arm and they left. It later occurred to me that her intentions were prolly not spiritual in any way! And this is a retirement home! Why is it that I seem to attract the strangest people!? That one goes right next to that Transvestite that winked at me in the mall years ago and the gay guys in the grocery store checkout lines that give those looks. I'm scared... truly.
I've been still struggling with finding work. However I'm glad to say I've been trusting God more. If he wants me here, I'll stay and it will all work out. I've sent out 5 resumes just today. One of which contacted me back and it was a money laundering employer with a Swiss bank account. I emailed them back and asked their company name and website. It seems a bit too good to be true for someone to just send you large amounts of money and tell you to take a cut out of it and send it somewhere else through Western Union. Sounds a bit fishy, eh? they wrote back with a copy/paste of the first email only to add "we don't yet have a website." ...yeah... riiiiiight. So the search continues! I just stay constant in prayer and hit the interent each day in search. I trust something turns up soon, because I still dunno where I'll be for Spring Break and it's less than 2 weeks away. Lord, please provide!!!
I'm also in prayer for the Lord's protection with the rest of the student outreach team that does street ministry here in the subway tunnels. The police have been harassing us like nobody's business every single night we go out. I haven't experienced this much opposition before. We even tried to get permits and they're either changing policies or just making it difficult for us. We can't even work within their own system to cooperate when we don't even legally have to!!! It's getting ridiculous. A buddy and I wasted a good chunk of time today only to be turned away because we didn't have Illinois licenses and it was 12 minutes past the time they preferred. It was rather frustrating. One of our guys is taking the legal route so we can get this resolved once and for all... we hope. I suppose I was naive in thinking I wouldn't have to pray this fervently about legitimate persecution. May I not get a martyr complex! May I stay humble and continue serving the Lord!
Monday, February 25, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Life, Confrontation, and Ministry
Time flies, doesn't it? It's amazing to think it's nearly Midterm time. My time here thus far has been rewarding and yet busy. I know it will only get busier. Yet through it all, God is good and worthy of all praise. Recently we had the annual Lipsync. Apparently it was earlier this year and as a result there weren't as many performances. I was planning not to go due to the workload I had and the fact that there was a small fee this year. That didn't stop a few of the girls from our sister floor from calling me up and offering to pay my way. Needless to say... I'm a wimp. So it was a good show and didn't last the full amount of time scheduled, which still allowed me to only be up till about 1:30am finishing a massive paper. The guy who won 2nd place was on our floor. I thought he shoulda got first. Among other songs, he did Billy Jean and was an awesome dancer. He even dressed the part real well. (Apparently, we're allowed to dance at the Lipsync as long as we're lipsyncing).
I'm still searching for a job. The 2 interviews I've had wouldn't yield stable income. Frankly, I'm getting to the point where it doesn't matter what kind of income it would yield. I've been checking Craigslist every day and have sent out resumes to multiple places. I also have an application in process with the facilities crew here on campus. I got a call last night for a Cashier position at a nearby University that will pay less than I want, but would be stable. We're still setting up an interview. Also another grocery store chain listed openings in Deli and Produce yesterday. That almost seemed like divine intervention when I saw it. We'll see where that goes. I truly think God has been testing my faith in this. I've struggled so much in the past month by walking by sight and not by faith to the degree I should. I'm coming to the place I was before I got here... "Lord, if you want me here, you'll provide... if you don't, you won't" and then just keep truckin with the simple faith of a child.
All of that also determines what I'm doing for Spring Break. The deadline was yesterday to turn in the paperwork to stay on campus over break, but it would cost around $150 + food to stay unless I have a campus job. Furthermore, you can't stay at all unless you prove you have some kind of job here. So I decided I'll now do one of two things: 1. Go home and attempt to setup work there with Tom Thumb again or 2. Stay with someone who lives nearby here and commute to whatever job I get here during break. The problem is with the commute, I might have to pay a bit more for extra transportation, which would be almost the same amount as staying on campus. So my decisions in the coming weeks will be a difficult one. I would get cheaper plane tickets than normal I went home though...?
I'm glad to be learning so much as well. My two favorite classes are Studying and Teaching the Bible and The Church and its Doctrines. They are entry level classes, yet they are filling in the gaps for me. If there were aspects of the Trinity I was confused about... those are clearer, if there was something I was overlooking in my reading of the Bible... I'm more prone to see it now. Our basic Theology textbook is "A Faith For All Seasons" By Ted Dorman. It's one of the books I'm sure I'll keep and use in the future... even if part of it accidentally fell in the toilet (it was clean I assure you).
-I've been enjoying my practical ministry as well. It seems each week I become more and more confident and plow new ground in Bible Exposition. I'm also trying to get to know the residents better. Part of me wishes we had more time with them. It's so difficult to lead a ministry only once a week and try to be active in people's lives. More than that, to encourage and get to know your team. I've been trying to cultivate an atmosphere like that and thankfully God is working among us on both fronts... although I wish it was more. True ministry is hardly done once a week. Along those lines and because of my struggles in trusting God, I decided to make an extra effort to go out with Student Outreach this past week and continue preaching the precious gospel of salvation. I've had a such a burden to continue doing this and I find that when times are tough spiritually... the best thing to do is amp up our service to the Lord because it's in those times that walk the opposite direction of the flesh. What happens when trials come? We not only trust God and continue, we step further. May God use those 2 days for His glory and may my focus be where it needs to be. Consequently, it also gave me a taste of what working would be like. That was a good 6 hours out of my week, which will be nothing compared to the 15-20 I'll work when I get a job.
The team enjoyed my company and called me "an asset." Oh Lord keep me humble! It's not about me... it's about YOU! I told the people at Concord Place Sunday morning that when they say I did a good job, I've reached a place where I can say thank you and not feel prideful inside, but I'm still not there yet. My internal and external should say, "To God be the glory forever and ever... amen." Being outside so much last week, I also got a 2 day taste of a little flu as well. One of the Student Outreach leaders picked up the same kinda thing. I felt like a zombie yesterday. So I've been praying about the PCM ministries I'm involved in... which should I choose for next semester? The one I need more practice in, but requires more prep.? Or the other one for which I also have a passion? If I plan to take Greek Grammar and OT Survey both next semester, will I be able to set aside about 6 hours or more to prepare a sermon each week? God help me! I want to teach and I want to preach, which should I do?
Another burden rising up in me is one that is not so public just yet... at least until I hit the "publish post" button. That's alright though, I can't always be shy about my opinions these days. I've always desired for my journal to be an open book. Take it as you please and discuss it with me as you wish... but it's coming out of my mind today! Another burden I've had recently is in that of the evangelistic perspective here... in the PCM office and perhaps the school itself in some ways. I understand these views are common and I consider all of this in light of my "holy crusader" past when I would charge at people who did anything "wrong" in my opinion. I consider all that as I mention what I do today and continue to pray for God's guidance and the tender spirit of speaking the truth in love. I've noticed the common thread of not only the fringes of the modern gospel (not it... what surrounds it), but an emphasis on unintentional evangelism. In fact, the core class textbook is titled, "Permission Evangelism." I can say little else about it or the class until I've taken it however. I wouldn't wanna throw stones at it if the evidence hasn't even been reviewed, nor would I want to come off as a rash new student who just wants to ignorantly fight his cause.
I don't intend to start a revolution and the Braveheart of a small representation of the student body, but merely ask "have you considered this?" "please pray about this..." If that's as far as it goes, then I've done my part and been obedient to the burden laid on me. I must also use constructive criticism, however. I cannot forget this! We can't criticize a model without suggestions. This only leads to it falling on deaf ears or changes that miss the point and/or that we end up still complaining about. What I can rejoice in, is that the street team here is full of leadership who believe in biblical evangelism... more specifically, who believe in the (I believe) most effectively biblical form of sharing the message of eternal life... the preparation of the heart through the law of God. Their tracts are biblical and they teach the principles to the team before going out. They recently were asked to teach the Graduate students the principles and take them out as well. What a blessing! I wish I could've gone! Other ideas from the influence of the Student Outreach team are also turning in the minds of those leading it. More than that, we have some professors who understand and have a more biblical perspective!
Recently, the Intro To Ministry class led by the PCM dept. held a day where the class split up as they wanted... and learned "how to lead an (adult, teen, child) to Christ." I saw this and rolled my eyes. My immediate thought was, "the Holy Spirit leads people to Christ... we only share the message... we don't have to 'close the deal'." I almost decided to skip class that day. Instead I chose to go to the one I was least acquainted with how to approach... children. Apparently they called in a guy from Child Evangelism Fellowship to teach the group. I was very impressed with his presentation and perspective. Afterward we talked about it. I thanked him greatly for his presentation and we exchanged business cards. I introduced him to Way of The Master, although he had already used it based on the same principles. Isn't it wonderful that it's based around the Word of God and not Ray Comfort? So much so that believers have figured it out already? I praise God for the power of His Word. So we have these strands of influence in biblical evangelism throughout the school and associated with the school already. But how do we harmonize all of this? How do we get on the same page? This is fundamental question.
Dr. Easley, the school's President made a good point today as well about Gratitude. He asked the students questions like, "do you realize how blessed you are that some little old lady is selling bonds and giving to the school because she met 2 godly women from Moody Bible Institute and wants to help them get through school?" I was so thankful for that. Since I've been here I've heard all kinds of complaints and immature jokes about the Student Dining Room or that the Diversity chapel wasn't a good representation of diversity or whatever else and I'm frankly sick of them! I would echo Dr. Easley who said, "If you don't like it, leave... because there are four more students that are ready to take your place." These aren't theological concerns. They aren't moral concerns. They are STUPID COMPLAINTS! As I sat to eat breakfast this morning it aggrivated me to tolerate the immature words of those behind me as they made themselves out to be high school kids with their comments and murmuring. Even outside that I've heard Moody students using profanity. I've heard vulgar jokes of sexual innuendo. I hear racist jokes. Then I must take a breath and remember two things: 1. Sanctification is a process and 2. Just because a person is at Bible college does not mean they know the Lord. I can see myself standing up on a cafeteria table and yelling, "Students of Moody, Listen! Are you here to serve, know, and grow or because your parents wanted you to be here!?" As I mentally place one foot on the table, God taps me on the shoulder. We need not pull out the tares among the wheat... God will take precious care of that.
I suppose I've been on my written soapbox long enough.
Current prayer list:
-Gus, as he considers joining the Orthodox Presbyterian Church
-Johnny and Christina
-Dustin and his paper
-Earl: possible cancer
-Finding some income (job)
-Encouraging my roommate in priorities and a holy life
-What should I do for PCM next semester?
-How, if, and when should I approach the PCM office/possibly the school about evangelism?
-Ministering to the residents at Concord Place
I'm still searching for a job. The 2 interviews I've had wouldn't yield stable income. Frankly, I'm getting to the point where it doesn't matter what kind of income it would yield. I've been checking Craigslist every day and have sent out resumes to multiple places. I also have an application in process with the facilities crew here on campus. I got a call last night for a Cashier position at a nearby University that will pay less than I want, but would be stable. We're still setting up an interview. Also another grocery store chain listed openings in Deli and Produce yesterday. That almost seemed like divine intervention when I saw it. We'll see where that goes. I truly think God has been testing my faith in this. I've struggled so much in the past month by walking by sight and not by faith to the degree I should. I'm coming to the place I was before I got here... "Lord, if you want me here, you'll provide... if you don't, you won't" and then just keep truckin with the simple faith of a child.
All of that also determines what I'm doing for Spring Break. The deadline was yesterday to turn in the paperwork to stay on campus over break, but it would cost around $150 + food to stay unless I have a campus job. Furthermore, you can't stay at all unless you prove you have some kind of job here. So I decided I'll now do one of two things: 1. Go home and attempt to setup work there with Tom Thumb again or 2. Stay with someone who lives nearby here and commute to whatever job I get here during break. The problem is with the commute, I might have to pay a bit more for extra transportation, which would be almost the same amount as staying on campus. So my decisions in the coming weeks will be a difficult one. I would get cheaper plane tickets than normal I went home though...?
I'm glad to be learning so much as well. My two favorite classes are Studying and Teaching the Bible and The Church and its Doctrines. They are entry level classes, yet they are filling in the gaps for me. If there were aspects of the Trinity I was confused about... those are clearer, if there was something I was overlooking in my reading of the Bible... I'm more prone to see it now. Our basic Theology textbook is "A Faith For All Seasons" By Ted Dorman. It's one of the books I'm sure I'll keep and use in the future... even if part of it accidentally fell in the toilet (it was clean I assure you).
-I've been enjoying my practical ministry as well. It seems each week I become more and more confident and plow new ground in Bible Exposition. I'm also trying to get to know the residents better. Part of me wishes we had more time with them. It's so difficult to lead a ministry only once a week and try to be active in people's lives. More than that, to encourage and get to know your team. I've been trying to cultivate an atmosphere like that and thankfully God is working among us on both fronts... although I wish it was more. True ministry is hardly done once a week. Along those lines and because of my struggles in trusting God, I decided to make an extra effort to go out with Student Outreach this past week and continue preaching the precious gospel of salvation. I've had a such a burden to continue doing this and I find that when times are tough spiritually... the best thing to do is amp up our service to the Lord because it's in those times that walk the opposite direction of the flesh. What happens when trials come? We not only trust God and continue, we step further. May God use those 2 days for His glory and may my focus be where it needs to be. Consequently, it also gave me a taste of what working would be like. That was a good 6 hours out of my week, which will be nothing compared to the 15-20 I'll work when I get a job.
The team enjoyed my company and called me "an asset." Oh Lord keep me humble! It's not about me... it's about YOU! I told the people at Concord Place Sunday morning that when they say I did a good job, I've reached a place where I can say thank you and not feel prideful inside, but I'm still not there yet. My internal and external should say, "To God be the glory forever and ever... amen." Being outside so much last week, I also got a 2 day taste of a little flu as well. One of the Student Outreach leaders picked up the same kinda thing. I felt like a zombie yesterday. So I've been praying about the PCM ministries I'm involved in... which should I choose for next semester? The one I need more practice in, but requires more prep.? Or the other one for which I also have a passion? If I plan to take Greek Grammar and OT Survey both next semester, will I be able to set aside about 6 hours or more to prepare a sermon each week? God help me! I want to teach and I want to preach, which should I do?
Another burden rising up in me is one that is not so public just yet... at least until I hit the "publish post" button. That's alright though, I can't always be shy about my opinions these days. I've always desired for my journal to be an open book. Take it as you please and discuss it with me as you wish... but it's coming out of my mind today! Another burden I've had recently is in that of the evangelistic perspective here... in the PCM office and perhaps the school itself in some ways. I understand these views are common and I consider all of this in light of my "holy crusader" past when I would charge at people who did anything "wrong" in my opinion. I consider all that as I mention what I do today and continue to pray for God's guidance and the tender spirit of speaking the truth in love. I've noticed the common thread of not only the fringes of the modern gospel (not it... what surrounds it), but an emphasis on unintentional evangelism. In fact, the core class textbook is titled, "Permission Evangelism." I can say little else about it or the class until I've taken it however. I wouldn't wanna throw stones at it if the evidence hasn't even been reviewed, nor would I want to come off as a rash new student who just wants to ignorantly fight his cause.
I don't intend to start a revolution and the Braveheart of a small representation of the student body, but merely ask "have you considered this?" "please pray about this..." If that's as far as it goes, then I've done my part and been obedient to the burden laid on me. I must also use constructive criticism, however. I cannot forget this! We can't criticize a model without suggestions. This only leads to it falling on deaf ears or changes that miss the point and/or that we end up still complaining about. What I can rejoice in, is that the street team here is full of leadership who believe in biblical evangelism... more specifically, who believe in the (I believe) most effectively biblical form of sharing the message of eternal life... the preparation of the heart through the law of God. Their tracts are biblical and they teach the principles to the team before going out. They recently were asked to teach the Graduate students the principles and take them out as well. What a blessing! I wish I could've gone! Other ideas from the influence of the Student Outreach team are also turning in the minds of those leading it. More than that, we have some professors who understand and have a more biblical perspective!
Recently, the Intro To Ministry class led by the PCM dept. held a day where the class split up as they wanted... and learned "how to lead an (adult, teen, child) to Christ." I saw this and rolled my eyes. My immediate thought was, "the Holy Spirit leads people to Christ... we only share the message... we don't have to 'close the deal'." I almost decided to skip class that day. Instead I chose to go to the one I was least acquainted with how to approach... children. Apparently they called in a guy from Child Evangelism Fellowship to teach the group. I was very impressed with his presentation and perspective. Afterward we talked about it. I thanked him greatly for his presentation and we exchanged business cards. I introduced him to Way of The Master, although he had already used it based on the same principles. Isn't it wonderful that it's based around the Word of God and not Ray Comfort? So much so that believers have figured it out already? I praise God for the power of His Word. So we have these strands of influence in biblical evangelism throughout the school and associated with the school already. But how do we harmonize all of this? How do we get on the same page? This is fundamental question.
Dr. Easley, the school's President made a good point today as well about Gratitude. He asked the students questions like, "do you realize how blessed you are that some little old lady is selling bonds and giving to the school because she met 2 godly women from Moody Bible Institute and wants to help them get through school?" I was so thankful for that. Since I've been here I've heard all kinds of complaints and immature jokes about the Student Dining Room or that the Diversity chapel wasn't a good representation of diversity or whatever else and I'm frankly sick of them! I would echo Dr. Easley who said, "If you don't like it, leave... because there are four more students that are ready to take your place." These aren't theological concerns. They aren't moral concerns. They are STUPID COMPLAINTS! As I sat to eat breakfast this morning it aggrivated me to tolerate the immature words of those behind me as they made themselves out to be high school kids with their comments and murmuring. Even outside that I've heard Moody students using profanity. I've heard vulgar jokes of sexual innuendo. I hear racist jokes. Then I must take a breath and remember two things: 1. Sanctification is a process and 2. Just because a person is at Bible college does not mean they know the Lord. I can see myself standing up on a cafeteria table and yelling, "Students of Moody, Listen! Are you here to serve, know, and grow or because your parents wanted you to be here!?" As I mentally place one foot on the table, God taps me on the shoulder. We need not pull out the tares among the wheat... God will take precious care of that.
I suppose I've been on my written soapbox long enough.
Current prayer list:
-Gus, as he considers joining the Orthodox Presbyterian Church
-Johnny and Christina
-Dustin and his paper
-Earl: possible cancer
-Finding some income (job)
-Encouraging my roommate in priorities and a holy life
-What should I do for PCM next semester?
-How, if, and when should I approach the PCM office/possibly the school about evangelism?
-Ministering to the residents at Concord Place
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